the title of this is the lyric i have in my head, it has no significance.
it's a snow day. the office closed at 2. it's snowing. it's windy and it's good to be out the office. i've been trolling other blogs. people out there in other cities, in other lives, in other skins. me, i'm just in mine. i'm 32 and living a simple life. i'm just another engaged girl having hip replacement surgery. nothing right now makes me too exciting except that i really do like my boyfriend...future husband. that's pretty cool. i'm not in a band touring around, i'm not coming back from a trip-homeward bound (just wanted to use that word), i'm not in high heels right and i'm not wearing a thong. i didn't put on lipstick today but i am wearing a beautiful ring. am i uninteresting? i feel uninteresting. i feel like i limp a lot, wait, no, i do limp a lot. that's hot. my god, did i just quote Paris?
i wish i was looking out at something i'd never seen before. but, it is beautiful. the snow is blowing and it seems as if snow is falling down from the sky and up from the ground.
i should be writing something i care about.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
"I'm ready for my close up..."
It’s Friday and I’m thankful. It’s been the longest week! SO COLD! I’ve heard it’s been the longest streak of cold weather for 15 years. Whew! I had blood work done this morning. It was my second and final deposit for my surgery. The hospital called and FOX network wants to do a piece on my surgery. They’ll be filming during surgery and talking with me afterwards. Wonder if they’ll get my tattoo? (My dad wondered if I should get another one. Haha) The nice thing about this whole thing is that the Bennington girls will be reuniting for a few days. Wendy and Mom are flying in to help me out! Wendy will leave after 3 days, and Mom after 10. It’ll be fun (aside from all of the pain.) Jason will have help and that is an ease off my mind.
Tonight’s movie pick is off the Oscar track…and it has already received horrible reviews! However, horror movies are normally tradition with family film night. (Friday night movies with Jason and Dustin.) We’re taking in The Messengers. I’ll let you know how it is! Could be just awful. By the way…if you’re shopping for a good scary flick, check out The Descent! GREAT FLICK!!
Oscar Buzz—Roper’s picks are (reported by Dustin first thing this morning):
Best Picture - The Departed
Helen for Actress
Jennifer for Supporting
Forrest for Actor
Scorsese for Director
Tonight’s movie pick is off the Oscar track…and it has already received horrible reviews! However, horror movies are normally tradition with family film night. (Friday night movies with Jason and Dustin.) We’re taking in The Messengers. I’ll let you know how it is! Could be just awful. By the way…if you’re shopping for a good scary flick, check out The Descent! GREAT FLICK!!
Oscar Buzz—Roper’s picks are (reported by Dustin first thing this morning):
Best Picture - The Departed
Helen for Actress
Jennifer for Supporting
Forrest for Actor
Scorsese for Director
Friday, February 02, 2007
More on Oscar
Ok, I'm sure I'll keep doing this, but I've been researching the picks a bit on-line. It is a possiblity that Clint will sweep. The Academy loves him and coupled with Speilberg--pretty impressive. I still have yet to see Letters, but I'm hoping to see it before the show. I'm excited about Babel being nominated for Best Score. I really loved the music. It was the only film I've seen recently where I felt the music was its own character...somewhat like a tour guide. Babel is up for the double whammy win as well. It sort of falls into the "Crash" category. (That was a HUGE disappointment, but oh well.)
Found out that the hospital doesn't have cable. No E! for red carpet!!
Found out that the hospital doesn't have cable. No E! for red carpet!!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Oscar thoughts...
Ok, I just saw The Departed and LOVED IT. Dustin and I went to see it and Volver on Sunday. Volver--I enjoyed the story and although I appreciate Penny's acting, I don't understand the nomination. In fact, there are a few nominations this year I don't get. Eddie Murphy for best supporting for Dreamgirls?? What? He's playing Donkey (Shrek) and his SNL James Brown. I didn't see anything special. Also for supporting, Mark Wahlberg? Go see The Departed and see if you think he deserves it? He's barely in it (not that that matters), but he was nothing comparedto Leo or Matt. Ridiculous. Let's go one by one.
You can follow along on the ballot: http://a.oscar.abc.com/media/2007/images/nominees/printballot_2007_2.pdf
Lead Actor- most likely it'll be Forest Whitaker. I have yet to see his movie.
Supporting Actor- Will they pick Eddie?? I want Djimon (Blood Diamond) or Jackie Early- Little Children (been hearing great things.)
Lead Actress- Helen Mirren is my guess. Judy Dench was equally as powerful though.
Supporting Actress- Jen Hudson (great job!! the only reason to see Dreamgirls.)Although I enjoyed both ladies from Babel.
Cinematography- Hmmm. Either Children of Men or Pan's Labyrinth are who I'd like to see win.
Costume Design- Dreamgirls...though Marie Antoinette caught my eye.
Directing- Hands down THE DEPARTED!!! Go Martin!
Doc Feature- I'd love it if An Inconvenient Truth won. We'll see.
Adapted Screenplay- The Departed
Original Screeplay- Little Miss Sunshine
Best Picture- I'd be happy any of these really. The Departed and Little Miss Sunshine are my soft spots though. (Who knows, Babel could take it!)
Foreign Language Film- Pan's Labyrinth (this is a beautifull (yet horrific) film, go see it.)
I can't say enough about The Departed. I had a blast watching it! It's my personal best picture. Although I loved Miss Sunshine, it didn't have the same effect on me. I am very excited to see Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson and Forest in Last King. I might have to update this!
I'm getting my hip replaced during the Oscars--Feb. 25th! Can't believe it. So, I'll be cheering on an IV. Hey, at least I won't have to get up to go to the bathroom. hehehe.
More to come! (I plan on seeing some movies in the coming weeks)
You can follow along on the ballot: http://a.oscar.abc.com/media/2007/images/nominees/printballot_2007_2.pdf
Lead Actor- most likely it'll be Forest Whitaker. I have yet to see his movie.
Supporting Actor- Will they pick Eddie?? I want Djimon (Blood Diamond) or Jackie Early- Little Children (been hearing great things.)
Lead Actress- Helen Mirren is my guess. Judy Dench was equally as powerful though.
Supporting Actress- Jen Hudson (great job!! the only reason to see Dreamgirls.)Although I enjoyed both ladies from Babel.
Cinematography- Hmmm. Either Children of Men or Pan's Labyrinth are who I'd like to see win.
Costume Design- Dreamgirls...though Marie Antoinette caught my eye.
Directing- Hands down THE DEPARTED!!! Go Martin!
Doc Feature- I'd love it if An Inconvenient Truth won. We'll see.
Adapted Screenplay- The Departed
Original Screeplay- Little Miss Sunshine
Best Picture- I'd be happy any of these really. The Departed and Little Miss Sunshine are my soft spots though. (Who knows, Babel could take it!)
Foreign Language Film- Pan's Labyrinth (this is a beautifull (yet horrific) film, go see it.)
I can't say enough about The Departed. I had a blast watching it! It's my personal best picture. Although I loved Miss Sunshine, it didn't have the same effect on me. I am very excited to see Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson and Forest in Last King. I might have to update this!
I'm getting my hip replaced during the Oscars--Feb. 25th! Can't believe it. So, I'll be cheering on an IV. Hey, at least I won't have to get up to go to the bathroom. hehehe.
More to come! (I plan on seeing some movies in the coming weeks)
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Oscar Noms!--my thoughts to follow.
1. Best Picture: “Babel,” “The Departed,” “Letters From Iwo Jima,” “Little Miss Sunshine,” “The Queen.”
2. Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, “Blood Diamond”; Ryan Gosling, “Half Nelson”; Peter O’Toole, “Venus”; Will Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”; Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland.”
3. Actress: Penelope Cruz, “Volver”; Judi Dench, “Notes on a Scandal”; Helen Mirren, “The Queen”; Meryl Streep, “The Devil Wears Prada”; Kate Winslet, “Little Children.”
4. Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Jackie Earle Haley, “Little Children”; Djimon Hounsou, “Blood Diamond”; Eddie Murphy, “Dreamgirls”; Mark Wahlberg, “The Departed.”
5. Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza, “Babel”; Cate Blanchett, “Notes on a Scandal”; Abigail Breslin, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Jennifer Hudson, “Dreamgirls”; Rinko Kikuchi, “Babel.”
6. Directing: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, “Babel”; Martin Scorsese, “The Departed”; Clint Eastwood,H “Letters From Iwo Jima”; Stephen Frears, “The Queen”; Paul Greengrass, “United 93.”
7. Foreign Language Film: “After the Wedding,” Denmark; “Days of Glory (Indigenes),” Algeria; “The Lives of Others,” Germany; “Pan’s Labyrinth,” Mexico; “Water,” Canada.
8. Adapted Screenplay: Sacha Baron Cohen and Anthony Hines and Peter Baynham and Dan Mazer and Todd Phillips, “Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”; Alfonso Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, “Children of Men”; William Monahan, “The Departed”; Todd Field and Tom Perrotta, “Little Children”; Patrick Marber, “Notes on a Scandal.”
9. Original Screenplay: Guillermo Arriaga, “Babel”; Iris Yamashita and Paul Haggis, “Letters From Iwo Jima”; Michael Arndt, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Guillermo del Toro, “Pan’s Labyrinth”; Peter Morgan, “The Queen.”
10. Animated Feature Film: “Cars,” “Happy Feet,” “Monster House.”
11. Art Direction: “Dreamgirls,” “The Good Shepherd,” “Pan’s Labyrinth,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” “The Prestige.”
12. Cinematography: “The Black Dahlia,” “Children of Men,” “The Illusionist,” “Pan’s Labyrinth,” “The Prestige.”
13. Sound Mixing: “Apocalypto,” “Blood Diamond,” “Dreamgirls,” “Flags of Our Fathers,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
14. Sound Editing: “Apocalypto,” “Blood Diamond,” “Flags of Our Fathers,” “Letters From Iwo Jima,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
15. Original Score: “Babel,” Gustavo Santaolalla; “The Good German,” Thomas Newman; “Notes on a Scandal,” Philip Glass; “Pan’s Labyrinth,” Javier Navarrete; “The Queen,” Alexandre Desplat.
16. Original Song: “I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth,” Melissa Etheridge; “Listen” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger, Scott Cutler and Anne Preven; “Love You I Do” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Siedah Garrett; “Our Town” from “Cars,” Randy Newman; “Patience” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Willie Reale.
17. Costume: “Curse of the Golden Flower,” “The Devil Wears Prada,” “Dreamgirls,” “Marie Antoinette,” “The Queen.”
18. Documentary Feature: “Deliver Us From Evil,” “An Inconvenient Truth,” “Iraq in Fragments,” “Jesus Camp,” “My Country, My Country.”
19. Documentary (short subject): “The Blood of Yingzhou District,” “Recycled Life,” “Rehearsing a Dream,” “Two Hands.”
20. Film Editing: “Babel,” “Blood Diamond,” “Children of Men,” “The Departed,” “United 93.”
21. Makeup: “Apocalypto,” “Click,” “Pan’s Labyrinth.”
22. Animated Short Film: “The Danish Poet,” “Lifted,” “The Little Matchgirl,” “Maestro,” “No Time for Nuts.”
23. Live Action Short Film: “Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea),” “Eramos Pocos (One Too Many),” “Helmer & Son,” “The Saviour,” “West Bank Story.”
24. Visual Effects: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” “Poseidon,” “Superman Returns.”
Academy Award winners previously announced this year:
HONORARY AWARD (Oscar statuette): Ennio Morricone
JEAN HERSHOLT HUMANITARIAN AWARD (Oscar statuette): Sherry Lansing
2. Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, “Blood Diamond”; Ryan Gosling, “Half Nelson”; Peter O’Toole, “Venus”; Will Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”; Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland.”
3. Actress: Penelope Cruz, “Volver”; Judi Dench, “Notes on a Scandal”; Helen Mirren, “The Queen”; Meryl Streep, “The Devil Wears Prada”; Kate Winslet, “Little Children.”
4. Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Jackie Earle Haley, “Little Children”; Djimon Hounsou, “Blood Diamond”; Eddie Murphy, “Dreamgirls”; Mark Wahlberg, “The Departed.”
5. Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza, “Babel”; Cate Blanchett, “Notes on a Scandal”; Abigail Breslin, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Jennifer Hudson, “Dreamgirls”; Rinko Kikuchi, “Babel.”
6. Directing: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, “Babel”; Martin Scorsese, “The Departed”; Clint Eastwood,H “Letters From Iwo Jima”; Stephen Frears, “The Queen”; Paul Greengrass, “United 93.”
7. Foreign Language Film: “After the Wedding,” Denmark; “Days of Glory (Indigenes),” Algeria; “The Lives of Others,” Germany; “Pan’s Labyrinth,” Mexico; “Water,” Canada.
8. Adapted Screenplay: Sacha Baron Cohen and Anthony Hines and Peter Baynham and Dan Mazer and Todd Phillips, “Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”; Alfonso Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, “Children of Men”; William Monahan, “The Departed”; Todd Field and Tom Perrotta, “Little Children”; Patrick Marber, “Notes on a Scandal.”
9. Original Screenplay: Guillermo Arriaga, “Babel”; Iris Yamashita and Paul Haggis, “Letters From Iwo Jima”; Michael Arndt, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Guillermo del Toro, “Pan’s Labyrinth”; Peter Morgan, “The Queen.”
10. Animated Feature Film: “Cars,” “Happy Feet,” “Monster House.”
11. Art Direction: “Dreamgirls,” “The Good Shepherd,” “Pan’s Labyrinth,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” “The Prestige.”
12. Cinematography: “The Black Dahlia,” “Children of Men,” “The Illusionist,” “Pan’s Labyrinth,” “The Prestige.”
13. Sound Mixing: “Apocalypto,” “Blood Diamond,” “Dreamgirls,” “Flags of Our Fathers,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
14. Sound Editing: “Apocalypto,” “Blood Diamond,” “Flags of Our Fathers,” “Letters From Iwo Jima,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
15. Original Score: “Babel,” Gustavo Santaolalla; “The Good German,” Thomas Newman; “Notes on a Scandal,” Philip Glass; “Pan’s Labyrinth,” Javier Navarrete; “The Queen,” Alexandre Desplat.
16. Original Song: “I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth,” Melissa Etheridge; “Listen” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger, Scott Cutler and Anne Preven; “Love You I Do” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Siedah Garrett; “Our Town” from “Cars,” Randy Newman; “Patience” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Willie Reale.
17. Costume: “Curse of the Golden Flower,” “The Devil Wears Prada,” “Dreamgirls,” “Marie Antoinette,” “The Queen.”
18. Documentary Feature: “Deliver Us From Evil,” “An Inconvenient Truth,” “Iraq in Fragments,” “Jesus Camp,” “My Country, My Country.”
19. Documentary (short subject): “The Blood of Yingzhou District,” “Recycled Life,” “Rehearsing a Dream,” “Two Hands.”
20. Film Editing: “Babel,” “Blood Diamond,” “Children of Men,” “The Departed,” “United 93.”
21. Makeup: “Apocalypto,” “Click,” “Pan’s Labyrinth.”
22. Animated Short Film: “The Danish Poet,” “Lifted,” “The Little Matchgirl,” “Maestro,” “No Time for Nuts.”
23. Live Action Short Film: “Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea),” “Eramos Pocos (One Too Many),” “Helmer & Son,” “The Saviour,” “West Bank Story.”
24. Visual Effects: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” “Poseidon,” “Superman Returns.”
Academy Award winners previously announced this year:
HONORARY AWARD (Oscar statuette): Ennio Morricone
JEAN HERSHOLT HUMANITARIAN AWARD (Oscar statuette): Sherry Lansing
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
time for change
Over Christmas break (I still think of things in semesters), I saw an old friend from High School. His name is Jeremy and he sent me his blog today. He lives in New York and it's been so fun to read about his life and times. Go read his blog...it's great.
urbanjayhawk.com
He's inspired me to do more with my blog. I think I'm making it too complicated and it's really not too fun to read if you happen to stumble upon it. A lot of inside stories and meanings. It might be good to start out my second year of blogging by starting a new chapter. This is going to be a great year and it'd be nice if I had record of it.
It's FREEZING today in Chicago. Can I say I'm from Chicago if I live and work in the burbs? Some might say that's cheating. However, my life in times in Schaumburg isn't much of a draw. I'm headed into the city on Friday with Dustin to see Wicked. I'm so excited! I've wanted to see if for such a long time and he's taking me for my Christmas present. We saw Barbara Streisand together...he's my theatre friend. It's always nice to get dressed up and feel pretty. My day to day work attire gets so tiresome and leaves me feeling very unsexy. Dustin is always good at making our outings into dates and spoiling me. We've had so many adventures together...from Vegas to New York City...our relationship is actually pretty romantic! : ) I love that we've been to Central Park...rowing around in our little boat and walking the streets of Greenwich Village day dreaming that we'd live there someday together. For right now, we both live here. He needs to get a boyfriend in New York!
This week is just another week of pain for me I'm afraid. I'm so frustrated by my hip and my inablility to do daily tasks. Walking to the printer and getting a copy is on my nerves. My surgery is soon...I can't wait. The thought of doing about anything is hard for me. I'm not someone who suffers in silence. When I'm in pain, everyone knows. I don't like that about myself...but I'm not making big strides to change either. I'm sure my blogs will get a bit boring during my month at home...maybe I should do movie reviews during that time.
Im moving desks at work...near the BIG windows that look over the forest preserve. I'm excited about it actually. I love looking out the window and day dreaming. I used to go there for lunch sometimes. I love trees and forests. I'm afraid it will just keep the odd thoughts that trickle into my brain at a steady flow. I'm sure my co workers think I'm on drugs...I made a silly comment on how much I miss my neices and nephew and how I'd love it if they were Littles (like the cartoon) and could play around on my desk while I'm here. I guess that is a bit strange, but I think it's fun to think about.
Tonight is suppose to be date night. It's been a bit difficult to keep it going while Jason is so hard at work. It brought it up though...so we'll just have to see. I think we're going to see Babel. If we do, I'll review it. We saw Notes on a Scandal and Pan's Labyrinth over the weekend. I enjoyed them both...but they were each very disturbing in their own way. Jason wasn't thrilled about having Judy Dench's face in almost every frame of Notes...I think he would've rather had Cate's. Go see them though. They're worth seeing.
More to come.
urbanjayhawk.com
He's inspired me to do more with my blog. I think I'm making it too complicated and it's really not too fun to read if you happen to stumble upon it. A lot of inside stories and meanings. It might be good to start out my second year of blogging by starting a new chapter. This is going to be a great year and it'd be nice if I had record of it.
It's FREEZING today in Chicago. Can I say I'm from Chicago if I live and work in the burbs? Some might say that's cheating. However, my life in times in Schaumburg isn't much of a draw. I'm headed into the city on Friday with Dustin to see Wicked. I'm so excited! I've wanted to see if for such a long time and he's taking me for my Christmas present. We saw Barbara Streisand together...he's my theatre friend. It's always nice to get dressed up and feel pretty. My day to day work attire gets so tiresome and leaves me feeling very unsexy. Dustin is always good at making our outings into dates and spoiling me. We've had so many adventures together...from Vegas to New York City...our relationship is actually pretty romantic! : ) I love that we've been to Central Park...rowing around in our little boat and walking the streets of Greenwich Village day dreaming that we'd live there someday together. For right now, we both live here. He needs to get a boyfriend in New York!
This week is just another week of pain for me I'm afraid. I'm so frustrated by my hip and my inablility to do daily tasks. Walking to the printer and getting a copy is on my nerves. My surgery is soon...I can't wait. The thought of doing about anything is hard for me. I'm not someone who suffers in silence. When I'm in pain, everyone knows. I don't like that about myself...but I'm not making big strides to change either. I'm sure my blogs will get a bit boring during my month at home...maybe I should do movie reviews during that time.
Im moving desks at work...near the BIG windows that look over the forest preserve. I'm excited about it actually. I love looking out the window and day dreaming. I used to go there for lunch sometimes. I love trees and forests. I'm afraid it will just keep the odd thoughts that trickle into my brain at a steady flow. I'm sure my co workers think I'm on drugs...I made a silly comment on how much I miss my neices and nephew and how I'd love it if they were Littles (like the cartoon) and could play around on my desk while I'm here. I guess that is a bit strange, but I think it's fun to think about.
Tonight is suppose to be date night. It's been a bit difficult to keep it going while Jason is so hard at work. It brought it up though...so we'll just have to see. I think we're going to see Babel. If we do, I'll review it. We saw Notes on a Scandal and Pan's Labyrinth over the weekend. I enjoyed them both...but they were each very disturbing in their own way. Jason wasn't thrilled about having Judy Dench's face in almost every frame of Notes...I think he would've rather had Cate's. Go see them though. They're worth seeing.
More to come.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Is this familiar?
You know who I'm writing to...is this crazy or what? You could've written this over and over the last 5 year of your marriage. Thank God you're out of it.
"Used To You"
I'm still here because
I've got nothing else to do
you're an asshole
but I'm getting used to you
I like the fact that
you talk incessantly
I got a thing for assholes
who tell good stories
I think that drinking
is the only thing that you do right
you're gonna self-destruct
I think that's what I like
you like me so you try and make me
feel like shit
I think it's kind of funny yeah
I kind of enjoy it
if you're gonna do it, overdo it
that's how you know you're alive
go ahead, take yourself a coma nap
take a puddle dive
you said, this is my bedroom window
you said, this is my view
you said, lie down here with me
and see the things that I do
like you were trying to tell me something
about the way you live
like you would give me something
if you had something to give
and for all your talk
you don't say much that's real
I think I know more than you
about the way that you feel
I understand your anger
and your apathy
I think if I was you,
you're who I'd be
I'm still here
'cause I got nothing else to do
you're an asshole but
I'm getting used to you
I could love you, yeah
I've entertained the thought
but I could never like you
so I guess I'd better not
"Used To You"
I'm still here because
I've got nothing else to do
you're an asshole
but I'm getting used to you
I like the fact that
you talk incessantly
I got a thing for assholes
who tell good stories
I think that drinking
is the only thing that you do right
you're gonna self-destruct
I think that's what I like
you like me so you try and make me
feel like shit
I think it's kind of funny yeah
I kind of enjoy it
if you're gonna do it, overdo it
that's how you know you're alive
go ahead, take yourself a coma nap
take a puddle dive
you said, this is my bedroom window
you said, this is my view
you said, lie down here with me
and see the things that I do
like you were trying to tell me something
about the way you live
like you would give me something
if you had something to give
and for all your talk
you don't say much that's real
I think I know more than you
about the way that you feel
I understand your anger
and your apathy
I think if I was you,
you're who I'd be
I'm still here
'cause I got nothing else to do
you're an asshole but
I'm getting used to you
I could love you, yeah
I've entertained the thought
but I could never like you
so I guess I'd better not
Ani...
"Asking Too Much"
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
I never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themself
do you think I'm asking too much?
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
I never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themself
do you think I'm asking too much?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
My Year
2007, the year of a new hip, a new last name and a new family.
At 32, my life is taking form. Growing up, I never envisioned this. I've been slow to mature.
But, I'll take it.
At 32, my life is taking form. Growing up, I never envisioned this. I've been slow to mature.
But, I'll take it.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
On a rainy Wednesday night...Dec. 20th
he proposed to me at the airport...
He was helping me get my suitcase to the curb and we were saying our goodbyes when he said, "one more thing..." and got down on one knee. "I wanted to wait until at least Christmas, but I can't wait...I don't want you to get on that plane without knowing I want you to be my wife....will you marry me?" (the ring is BEAUTIFUL!--an edwardian style engagement band...looks like a 1/4 inch strip of lace made of white gold and diamonds is wrapped around my finger.)
I was in shock...I kissed him and said, "Of course!!" He told me how much he loved me and then he had to go. (the traffic guard was blowing her whistle) He shouted "I LOVE YOU" from his car right before he left. I just stood there. Finally, I went inside...still in shock and stood in line. I didn't say anything. J called and asked me if I was ok. "I hate that we're not together right now." (he was to fly into Wichita on Saturday.) I called my mom, she was thrilled!!
She kept telling me how happy she was and how much she loves him and us together. The night crept along with a few phone calls going out...and him calling me every once in a while to ask me if I was ok and to let me know how happy he was.
When I got home, Kendra had made me a sign from her computer and she woke up to say congratulations. So adorable. My mom told everyone we ran into while I was home (and sent out numerous emails). It was a bit embarrassing, but fun. My family is so happy. His family was thrilled as well. He sent out the pic of the ring and some pics of us to his family and they responded very warmly (he'd called them the night before). I got texts and emails the next day with warm wishes. It's fun! (But...we were still by ourselves celebrating!)
Unfortunately, his flight was cancelled to Wichita on Saturday morning, so he rented a car and drove. The entire family jumped in the car and drove to meet him in Lawrence to bring him home. (He'd only slept 3 hours the night before.)
We're happy. I couldn't be happier..gosh, I don't even know what to write. I just wanted to get it documented. I'll have to write something more later.
I just keep looking at this ring...it couldn't be more me! Most of all...I'm so happy he's happy. It suits him.
He was helping me get my suitcase to the curb and we were saying our goodbyes when he said, "one more thing..." and got down on one knee. "I wanted to wait until at least Christmas, but I can't wait...I don't want you to get on that plane without knowing I want you to be my wife....will you marry me?" (the ring is BEAUTIFUL!--an edwardian style engagement band...looks like a 1/4 inch strip of lace made of white gold and diamonds is wrapped around my finger.)
I was in shock...I kissed him and said, "Of course!!" He told me how much he loved me and then he had to go. (the traffic guard was blowing her whistle) He shouted "I LOVE YOU" from his car right before he left. I just stood there. Finally, I went inside...still in shock and stood in line. I didn't say anything. J called and asked me if I was ok. "I hate that we're not together right now." (he was to fly into Wichita on Saturday.) I called my mom, she was thrilled!!
She kept telling me how happy she was and how much she loves him and us together. The night crept along with a few phone calls going out...and him calling me every once in a while to ask me if I was ok and to let me know how happy he was.
When I got home, Kendra had made me a sign from her computer and she woke up to say congratulations. So adorable. My mom told everyone we ran into while I was home (and sent out numerous emails). It was a bit embarrassing, but fun. My family is so happy. His family was thrilled as well. He sent out the pic of the ring and some pics of us to his family and they responded very warmly (he'd called them the night before). I got texts and emails the next day with warm wishes. It's fun! (But...we were still by ourselves celebrating!)
Unfortunately, his flight was cancelled to Wichita on Saturday morning, so he rented a car and drove. The entire family jumped in the car and drove to meet him in Lawrence to bring him home. (He'd only slept 3 hours the night before.)
We're happy. I couldn't be happier..gosh, I don't even know what to write. I just wanted to get it documented. I'll have to write something more later.
I just keep looking at this ring...it couldn't be more me! Most of all...I'm so happy he's happy. It suits him.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
all the leaves are brown and the sky is grey...
Today seems to be ushering in all of the negatives of fall. It's cold, rainy, windy...ugly. It's no mistake that a holiday that celebrates the death and rebirth of the earth is this month. It looks dead outside. I had a friend that loved days like this. It's probably my mood, but I personally hate it and would rather be under the covers than anywhere else. I like Halloween...I like being able to wear a sweatshirt and I love seeing the colors in the trees. But, it means that winter is just around the corner and the cold, slushy streets of Chicago aren't much to look forward to. I always end up huddled in front of a space heater with an electric blanket. (I have to buy a new one this year) I should look towards the romanticism of it all. Snuggling under warm blankets sharing hot chocolate, watching a scary movie. We've already been to a haunted house...last weekend, in fact. Very Fun!! Also took in the Scarecrow Festival in St. Charles. Very nice!! Winter also means there will be lights on the trees soon...and I like that. The holidays should be nice this year. Baby is old enough to walk around and open her own presents. I'm excited for that. I'm ready for family time. I'm ready for us to be together at eachother's homes.
Today's just a bad day...and I'm ready for a shot of holiday cheer. It'd be nice to jump into a chalk drawing today...or be sucked up by a cloud and thrown into a technicolored world. My mental health is definitely affected by the weather. A nice fire in a fire place would be nice. Maybe I could find some fire wood for tonight.
Random thought:
I wish my grandparents were still around. I could use a long vacation at their house right now. Instant happiness.
Or...if the baby could come visit...she makes me happy, too.
Or, if I got flowers today. That'd be nice. I don't even care who they're from.
This blog is depressing, wow...sorry about that.
Today's just a bad day...and I'm ready for a shot of holiday cheer. It'd be nice to jump into a chalk drawing today...or be sucked up by a cloud and thrown into a technicolored world. My mental health is definitely affected by the weather. A nice fire in a fire place would be nice. Maybe I could find some fire wood for tonight.
Random thought:
I wish my grandparents were still around. I could use a long vacation at their house right now. Instant happiness.
Or...if the baby could come visit...she makes me happy, too.
Or, if I got flowers today. That'd be nice. I don't even care who they're from.
This blog is depressing, wow...sorry about that.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Two Boys and a Girl
I live pretty much like every single girl in Chicagoland. I have the best of both worlds. Gay roommate and fantastic boyfriend. The three of us get along so well! We all pretty much live together in harmony. We have family nights watching House on Tuesdays, Project Runway on Wednesdays, Grey's Anatomy on Thursdays...Friday is family date night where we all go out to eat and to a flick. We normally go for the horror genre, but have been forced into other genres recently. The boys like Chipotle...but we rarely eat there. I'm spoiled. We go where I want to go, usually. It's a nice ritual. In the theatre, J is always on my left and D is on my right. After the movie, we all join into a very juvenile game of, "let's scare the shit out of eachother." Someone flips off the lights...the others crawl around on the floor finding a spot to jump out of and I scream--every time. J hides under blankets in corners or makes some horrible face in the mirror behind me in the bathroom. It's stupid, but we find it very amusing. (We keep doing it!!) hehehe. I'm surprised we haven't built a blanket fort in the living room. We all talk like idiots though. RIDICULOUS! It's almost too embarrassing to admit. I started it...just talking like children. "yummy, yummy!!" "Daddy" "Papa D" (take note that we have a kitty that is our baby) Meryle is a nice addition. She's named after Meryle Streep. D and I got her soon after I moved in. It's crazy how much that cat loves Jason, though. I've never seen anything like it. We might end up taking her because Dustin says he can't bear the idea of taking her away from him. heheh.
Our llittle family is breaking up soon, though. How sad. Dustin and I move move back to the city mid-November. J and I are trying to figure out a way to stay out in the burbs, though. It's just easier. Maybe we're just getting older. The commute is driving us nuts. The winter in the city is hard. Besides, we just see each other more if we live out here. (anyway, got side tracked)
Just wanted to put down some memories...it's been fun, but I suppose I have other fun things to look forward to!
Our llittle family is breaking up soon, though. How sad. Dustin and I move move back to the city mid-November. J and I are trying to figure out a way to stay out in the burbs, though. It's just easier. Maybe we're just getting older. The commute is driving us nuts. The winter in the city is hard. Besides, we just see each other more if we live out here. (anyway, got side tracked)
Just wanted to put down some memories...it's been fun, but I suppose I have other fun things to look forward to!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
the movement i need
I don't care where I live...as long as it's with you
It seems like it's the only place that makes sense to be
I'm not afraid to stay or move to somewhere new
Each place would end up home if you were there with me
Our laughter would fill any space
I'd still kiss you at the door
We'd find the home we've both been searching for
In the beginning, neither of us knew what we'd found
It just felt good to be happy, acting foolishly like kids
Our feelings kept muted, trying not to make a sound
Not knowing if we should even feel the way we did.
Now I can shout it from the rooftops, and will
That I love you, but by now everyone knows
There are places in my heart that only you can fill
And wherever you decide to go, I will go
I don't care where we live, as long as I'm with you.
It seems like it's the only place that makes sense to be
I'm not afraid to stay or move to somewhere new
Each place would end up home if you were there with me
Our laughter would fill any space
I'd still kiss you at the door
We'd find the home we've both been searching for
In the beginning, neither of us knew what we'd found
It just felt good to be happy, acting foolishly like kids
Our feelings kept muted, trying not to make a sound
Not knowing if we should even feel the way we did.
Now I can shout it from the rooftops, and will
That I love you, but by now everyone knows
There are places in my heart that only you can fill
And wherever you decide to go, I will go
I don't care where we live, as long as I'm with you.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Obsess much?
Of course. Dustin pointed out last night that when I get excited about a new t.v. series, it's more like a complete obsession. I guess he's right. This year has been a big year for me discovering t.v. shows that everyone else has known about for a couple of years. I started out with 24. I immediately became an addict. I didn't have a job at the time and watched the show all waking hours. It was fun to resurrect my love of Kiefer Sutherland whom I adored as a sexy vamp in The Lost Boys. I ran around the house yelling, "Jack Bauer!" Jason is always good natured about my hollywood crushes and found it funny rather than completely annoying. (I think) I tried to get into season 5, but just couldn't. They killed off my president and I couldn't stand the idea of a corrupt man as one of the leads. Yeah, he was nominated for an Emmy for his performance...I still found him annoying.
Then it was Lost. I had NO desire to get into this show when it came out. I watched the first episode when it originally aired and was bored to tears. Urged on by Wendy, I got the dvds of the first season and Jason and I sat down to watch. Wow. It was like heroine. We sat and watched for hours and then when season 1 was over, freaked out. We downloaded season 2 on itunes and he bought a special device that allowed the computer to be seen on the t.v. We had the full effect!! Since our schedules were different, it was agonizing to have to wait for the other to watch the next episode. We actually started lying to the other, sneaking in episodes while the other was gone.
After that was done...I hit a dry spell. Nothing really captured my attention. After a bit, Dustin told me I should watch House, MD. I had just seen Hugh Laurie on Inside Actor's Studio and didn't know a thing about him. I figured, with all of the hype, I should check it out.
Umm..yeah. I'm in love with him. I watched both seasons in about 2 weeks. The last season over a weekend in the city. I didn't leave the apt for two days! Jason got into it on the tail end and really enjoyed it, too. I find him incredibly sexy!! His blue eyes...mmmmm. His amazing brain and sarcastic jabs make him even more yummy. He's now my wallpaper. If you haven't checked out the show...do!! You can get it on netflix or at Blockbuster. The new season starts on Nov. 5th. I can't wait! I've ordered all of Hugh Laurie's movies on Netflix.
I need help.
Then it was Lost. I had NO desire to get into this show when it came out. I watched the first episode when it originally aired and was bored to tears. Urged on by Wendy, I got the dvds of the first season and Jason and I sat down to watch. Wow. It was like heroine. We sat and watched for hours and then when season 1 was over, freaked out. We downloaded season 2 on itunes and he bought a special device that allowed the computer to be seen on the t.v. We had the full effect!! Since our schedules were different, it was agonizing to have to wait for the other to watch the next episode. We actually started lying to the other, sneaking in episodes while the other was gone.
After that was done...I hit a dry spell. Nothing really captured my attention. After a bit, Dustin told me I should watch House, MD. I had just seen Hugh Laurie on Inside Actor's Studio and didn't know a thing about him. I figured, with all of the hype, I should check it out.
Umm..yeah. I'm in love with him. I watched both seasons in about 2 weeks. The last season over a weekend in the city. I didn't leave the apt for two days! Jason got into it on the tail end and really enjoyed it, too. I find him incredibly sexy!! His blue eyes...mmmmm. His amazing brain and sarcastic jabs make him even more yummy. He's now my wallpaper. If you haven't checked out the show...do!! You can get it on netflix or at Blockbuster. The new season starts on Nov. 5th. I can't wait! I've ordered all of Hugh Laurie's movies on Netflix.
I need help.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Happiness is...
Chipped beef on toast with peas
Mackenzie's squeals
Derek's hugs
Kendra's laugh
a clean apartment
a soft bed
Flat Top!
my Friday night dinner and a movie with my boys
Project Runway
House (my newest find! thanks to D)
brunch at Anne Sather's
watching movies with Kort
memories of Corbin Hall
the smell of pumpkin pie baking
the smell of a fire
the sound of a tent zipper
hand holding (by a little hand...or a big one)
babies!!!
thunderstorms
snow on Christmas
going to a Macca concert! : )
seeing my mom
getting a letter in the mail
The Beatles, period.
Cranberry Delight
hearing the dishwasher running at night
hearing a lawn mower on a Saturday morning
or a basketball bouncing
a peanut buster parfait
skiing behind a boat
"Goodnight, Hon"
Happiness is now.
Mackenzie's squeals
Derek's hugs
Kendra's laugh
a clean apartment
a soft bed
Flat Top!
my Friday night dinner and a movie with my boys
Project Runway
House (my newest find! thanks to D)
brunch at Anne Sather's
watching movies with Kort
memories of Corbin Hall
the smell of pumpkin pie baking
the smell of a fire
the sound of a tent zipper
hand holding (by a little hand...or a big one)
babies!!!
thunderstorms
snow on Christmas
going to a Macca concert! : )
seeing my mom
getting a letter in the mail
The Beatles, period.
Cranberry Delight
hearing the dishwasher running at night
hearing a lawn mower on a Saturday morning
or a basketball bouncing
a peanut buster parfait
skiing behind a boat
"Goodnight, Hon"
Happiness is now.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Passive Aggressive
I haven't really blogged much lately. Guess there's been too much going on. Or maybe there's too much to say...and I can't put it out there. I'm learning in my older age that I can't just say whatever what I'm thinking to whomever is around. I used to blast off...now I just internalize and wonder. Some things are just frustrating and it's hard not to just shake your head constantly. Half the time, I'm thinking, WHA???? People are just crazy. I see such insanity everywhere. Here I am ranting...being one of the most insane people I know (I'd rather say, "in tune.") and I can't even REALLY write what I'm thinking. Case and point. If I were Woody Allen, I'd just write a movie about it. I'm at least old enough to have seen some real bizarre decisions people make...and wonder what the hell they are thinking. I've always been bothered by hypocrites and liars. I've had my fair share of living in dream worlds and masking my issues. I've seen people really do a number on their lives just because they are afraid of the unknown. I've never taken life casually. Yes, I've tried to mold into someone else and I've tried to mold others into what I've wanted them to be, but I've always come to the same realization, "this doesn't work." I'm not one to settle. I'm also someone who probably goes overboard in believing that you can get everything you want.
I'm not making any sense right now...and I'm not coming to any sort of point. So, because I can't address anyone in particular, I'll just write out what I've been thinking over the past couple of months.
What the hell? Are you kidding me? Uhh...do you see what I'm seeing? Pay REALLY close attention...this is the rest of your life. What are you wearing? Do you realize how mean you are? What an unbelievable bitch you are. What a coward you are. Quit using her. Finally, you came to your senses. I think this might be a mistake. Grow up. I can see that 1950s marriages seem to having a come back. How sad. Were you looking for a certain type of reaction? I think it's a joke. Quit being a martyr. Stop lying to people you say you love--it's pathetic.
Ok, that makes me feel a bit better. Of course, I'll never tell who all I just addressed. If something speaks to you...Interesting.
I'm not making any sense right now...and I'm not coming to any sort of point. So, because I can't address anyone in particular, I'll just write out what I've been thinking over the past couple of months.
What the hell? Are you kidding me? Uhh...do you see what I'm seeing? Pay REALLY close attention...this is the rest of your life. What are you wearing? Do you realize how mean you are? What an unbelievable bitch you are. What a coward you are. Quit using her. Finally, you came to your senses. I think this might be a mistake. Grow up. I can see that 1950s marriages seem to having a come back. How sad. Were you looking for a certain type of reaction? I think it's a joke. Quit being a martyr. Stop lying to people you say you love--it's pathetic.
Ok, that makes me feel a bit better. Of course, I'll never tell who all I just addressed. If something speaks to you...Interesting.
Monday, June 19, 2006
I wish I'd kept all of the tickets!
I just finished up seeing Madonna last night at the United Center. I saw her a couple years back as well. It's amazing how much closer to an artist you feel after you've seen them in concert. You get to see a side to them that isn't seen on the radio or on MTV. I decided to reflect on all I can remember I've seen in concert. I know I've seen more...I literally can't remember all of their names!! I'll add more when I think of them.
Madonna (2x)
Paul McCartney (5x)
Indigo Girls (2x)
The Beach Boys
Harry Connick Jr. (3x)
John Denver
Eddie Rabbit
Tori Amos
Bob Dylan
Pink Floyd
U2 (2x)
Dave Matthews Band (3x)
Barry Manilow
Sting
Lyle Lovett
Chicago
Johnny Cash
The Nadas
Poi Dog Pondering
Kenny Chesney
The Judds
Tim McGraw
Reba MacEntire
Radiohead
Elton John and Billy Joel (Billy Joel 2x)
Urge Overkill
Matthew Sweet
Jamaraquay
Alana Davis
Cake (2x)
Henry Rollins (spoken word)
Spike Lee (speaker)
Ken Burns (speaker)
Garbage
Live
Veruca Salt
Prince
Air Supply
Madonna (2x)
Paul McCartney (5x)
Indigo Girls (2x)
The Beach Boys
Harry Connick Jr. (3x)
John Denver
Eddie Rabbit
Tori Amos
Bob Dylan
Pink Floyd
U2 (2x)
Dave Matthews Band (3x)
Barry Manilow
Sting
Lyle Lovett
Chicago
Johnny Cash
The Nadas
Poi Dog Pondering
Kenny Chesney
The Judds
Tim McGraw
Reba MacEntire
Radiohead
Elton John and Billy Joel (Billy Joel 2x)
Urge Overkill
Matthew Sweet
Jamaraquay
Alana Davis
Cake (2x)
Henry Rollins (spoken word)
Spike Lee (speaker)
Ken Burns (speaker)
Garbage
Live
Veruca Salt
Prince
Air Supply
Friday, May 26, 2006
Money can't buy me love...but maybe a new leg.
I just wanted to blog about Paul and Heather. No one really cares, but then again, not many read this blog.
Ever since Macca split from Eileen (get it? BAD joke), people have been criticizing his decision to waive the prenup. Americans are ones to sign this "bet we get divorced" document. The British think it is "dirty." Why would he even think of it? He probably thought marriage to Heather would be just as happy as with Linda. (well, maybe not AS happy.) They just didn't seem to match as well. Heather seems to want the lime light. She wasn't a name before Paul and now she accuses the marriage for overshadowing who she is. Wha?? She talked him into plastic surgery, changing his wardrobe and dying his hair. You KNOW Linda would've hated that!! The man basically had a grey mullet during his last tour and the world didn't care! Interesting that she got married, had baby Beatrice and now has a guaranteed "ticket to ride." Now Paul's alone again. I'm not sure he's miserable. Who knows. He's dealt with a greater loss. So has the world.
I just finished watching Wingspan, the documentary about Wings. It begins with the history of Paul and Linda's relationship. I've always admired their marriage and since about 13, dreamed that my marriage would be the same way. I love it that she wasn't a goddess. She was rather plain. Her body changed when she had children and it stayed that way. He loved her as a woman, a mother and his "girlfriend."
I find myself obsessing over the McCartney marriage. It's odd to think about marriage now. Before, it was just something that seemed so far out...something that might not even happen. It seems closer now. Attainable. I always felt that it was a jail cell. That's awful. Every time one of my friends got engaged, I felt like they died. I cried and cried. Even recently when Amanda got engaged. With Bryan, it was a shock...not that he did it, but that suddenly a relationship would be over. You don't really have good friendships with married men.
I feel like I could have men friends just the same. I know that my husband would be able to have friendships with women. I'm not put off by it. I'm trusted, so he should be too. I'm excited about the team aspect. I'm excited about being a part of something...a family. I loved the way the Maccas lived. They went everywhere together..kids in tow. They lived off of the earth and they traveled everywhere--just to go. They were friends. I'm excited about that, too. I love being trusted to be who I am. I used to feel that I'd have to change to be a "good" wife. I'm not so much in the kitchen. I know I can learn! Thing is, I'm not expected to. I'm good with conversation, with keeping communication open, trying new things, seeing new places, being open to new ideas and learning as much as I can about how to get through life in one piece. I want to be happy. I'm excited for the experience of learning with someone. I'm not a finished being...I'm a work in progress and I've come to accept that I take longer than others to figure some things out. I always thought I had to be some sort of 4-H mom or June Cleaver wife. I'm a mess though. I don't go to church...I'm still learning. I can't cook, I don't grocery shop, I clean when I have the time, I don't know how to sew (I could probably figure out a button) and I'm really not that organized. However, I can talk to anyone about anything, I can sit an be quiet with you, I hold hands, hug and kiss more than anyone needs it. I'll drive wherever to be with you. I can read a recipe. I can read you a book. I love children and plan on raising as many as I can. The Maccas have 4 bright and accomplished children. I can't wait for babies!! My clock is ticking. I love being able to say that without a look of fear staring back at me. At the moment, I can be what I am...and what I'm not. I can say what's on my mind about anything from what I hate about a movie to what I want my child's name to be and I'm not afraid. I'm a part of something that makes sense.
The Maccas were simply two people that preferred to spend their time together rather than with anyone else. She wasn't a musician, nor could she sing. She was in Wings because they wanted to experience it all together. They loved the music and they just wanted to have a good time with it. With four kids, they had fun, they joked, they got through rough times and they grew together. Neither of them were perfect. Linda admits she wasn't a good student...Paul says that he was drawn to her kindness and her adventuresome spirit. They wanted to move to Scotland, so they did. They lived with nothing...and everything. If they wanted to see a new place, they just went.
I'm ready to move and start and stop and stay and go and stall...I'm ready to set fire to all of the ideas of marriage I grew up with and make it my own. I can't wait to be with someone who is just as ready to see everything on earth as I am--kids in tow...
Ever since Macca split from Eileen (get it? BAD joke), people have been criticizing his decision to waive the prenup. Americans are ones to sign this "bet we get divorced" document. The British think it is "dirty." Why would he even think of it? He probably thought marriage to Heather would be just as happy as with Linda. (well, maybe not AS happy.) They just didn't seem to match as well. Heather seems to want the lime light. She wasn't a name before Paul and now she accuses the marriage for overshadowing who she is. Wha?? She talked him into plastic surgery, changing his wardrobe and dying his hair. You KNOW Linda would've hated that!! The man basically had a grey mullet during his last tour and the world didn't care! Interesting that she got married, had baby Beatrice and now has a guaranteed "ticket to ride." Now Paul's alone again. I'm not sure he's miserable. Who knows. He's dealt with a greater loss. So has the world.
I just finished watching Wingspan, the documentary about Wings. It begins with the history of Paul and Linda's relationship. I've always admired their marriage and since about 13, dreamed that my marriage would be the same way. I love it that she wasn't a goddess. She was rather plain. Her body changed when she had children and it stayed that way. He loved her as a woman, a mother and his "girlfriend."
I find myself obsessing over the McCartney marriage. It's odd to think about marriage now. Before, it was just something that seemed so far out...something that might not even happen. It seems closer now. Attainable. I always felt that it was a jail cell. That's awful. Every time one of my friends got engaged, I felt like they died. I cried and cried. Even recently when Amanda got engaged. With Bryan, it was a shock...not that he did it, but that suddenly a relationship would be over. You don't really have good friendships with married men.
I feel like I could have men friends just the same. I know that my husband would be able to have friendships with women. I'm not put off by it. I'm trusted, so he should be too. I'm excited about the team aspect. I'm excited about being a part of something...a family. I loved the way the Maccas lived. They went everywhere together..kids in tow. They lived off of the earth and they traveled everywhere--just to go. They were friends. I'm excited about that, too. I love being trusted to be who I am. I used to feel that I'd have to change to be a "good" wife. I'm not so much in the kitchen. I know I can learn! Thing is, I'm not expected to. I'm good with conversation, with keeping communication open, trying new things, seeing new places, being open to new ideas and learning as much as I can about how to get through life in one piece. I want to be happy. I'm excited for the experience of learning with someone. I'm not a finished being...I'm a work in progress and I've come to accept that I take longer than others to figure some things out. I always thought I had to be some sort of 4-H mom or June Cleaver wife. I'm a mess though. I don't go to church...I'm still learning. I can't cook, I don't grocery shop, I clean when I have the time, I don't know how to sew (I could probably figure out a button) and I'm really not that organized. However, I can talk to anyone about anything, I can sit an be quiet with you, I hold hands, hug and kiss more than anyone needs it. I'll drive wherever to be with you. I can read a recipe. I can read you a book. I love children and plan on raising as many as I can. The Maccas have 4 bright and accomplished children. I can't wait for babies!! My clock is ticking. I love being able to say that without a look of fear staring back at me. At the moment, I can be what I am...and what I'm not. I can say what's on my mind about anything from what I hate about a movie to what I want my child's name to be and I'm not afraid. I'm a part of something that makes sense.
The Maccas were simply two people that preferred to spend their time together rather than with anyone else. She wasn't a musician, nor could she sing. She was in Wings because they wanted to experience it all together. They loved the music and they just wanted to have a good time with it. With four kids, they had fun, they joked, they got through rough times and they grew together. Neither of them were perfect. Linda admits she wasn't a good student...Paul says that he was drawn to her kindness and her adventuresome spirit. They wanted to move to Scotland, so they did. They lived with nothing...and everything. If they wanted to see a new place, they just went.
I'm ready to move and start and stop and stay and go and stall...I'm ready to set fire to all of the ideas of marriage I grew up with and make it my own. I can't wait to be with someone who is just as ready to see everything on earth as I am--kids in tow...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Well, I love a rainy night....
So you managed to make it rain today. Thanks a lot. I tried to make it so I could play "Have Fun, Go Mad" from Sliding Doors on here, but it didn't work. I remember listening to it in our back yard summer of 1998...that and that "Wannabe" Spice Girls song. Thought that would be funny, too. Couldn't figure it out, sorry. Saw Sarah...she came through last week. I had breakfast with her. She was going to have tea with her mom and your mom. I haven't heard from her since. She looks good...she always looks good. She still loves Seattle...makes me want to move. I like Chicago and all, but I don't want to spend my life here. Do you think you would've? I know you loved it here. I kind of see myself somewhere else though. Maybe overseas for a while...maybe on the east coast, though I hate the cold. I'd love to be near mountains...but J's never mentioned mountains so I'm not sure how he feels about them. Who doesn't like mountains? I'm going camping soon...(please hold the rain off). Hopefully we'll be around some thick trees and hills...I'm just so sick of flat. Sarah said Becca is moving to Seattle soon. She didn't have a really good girlfriend out there, so that's good. We did talk about Scott...she says that she would freak out if he fell in love with someone. (else) I guess they talk about getting married...or something like that. Would that be weird for you? She said she's fine with the fact that you were his first love. I assume if you were here, you wouldn't be cool with that. I was thinking about our apt. on New York St. today. (well, i think about it a lot) Remember the ant problem? Everybody hated that apt. Not sure what I was thinking there really...I guess I just saw really big rooms. My room...well, our room, had the exposed brick and I liked that. The bathroom was slanted...and then we found that dead baby mouse. That was freaky. I can't remember if you found that or if that was Becky. You bitched me out in that bathroom. I was hanging out with that Jessica girl (going a little crazy on road trips) and you let me have it. I don't even remember where we kept traveling to...but I went quite a few times to meet up with boys. That was insane. You told me I was acting immaturely...yeah, I was. I think that was during the Danny crap and I just wanted to have fun. That year was whacked. I was going to move to New Orleans that year too. THAT was messed up. You were right about Paul. He was evil incarnate. You know...I do feel that if you were here...if you just showed up at my apt (which i dream about all of the time) we'd be exactly where we left off. I can still hear your laugh. That's nice. I just wanted to say thanks for yelling at me to grow up as much as you did. I'm getting closer. I think you'd be happy with my life right now. Sarah mentioned something to me too. "You're easier to be around now." I almost thought it seemed like a backhanded compliment. "You're calmer...happier...more yourself." I guess I was a bit out of control there for a while. I was either all about having too much fun or just completely wiped out. I'm lucky to have the friends that I had growing up. I have a couple things I'd like to talk over with you. If we were together...in Lawrence, I'd have us meet at Freestate and you'd order the "wheat" and I'd probably get the oatmeal stout. They built a Gap across the street. We could go shopping there afterwards. Then we could go see a movie...I can't remember your favorite movie or your favorite actor, sorry. I can't believe I don't remember. huh. I'm no longer a fan of Tom's. He lost his mind...and is sleeping with Joey. whatever. Wait...was it ben or matt? Kort likes Matt. hmmm. I'll have to call Sarah.
There's been a lot of conversation about addicting t.v. shows with my other friends. I'd like to guess what you'd like. Lost, CSI, (yes, probably you'd still be watching reruns of Nash Bridges), 24, House, The West Wing and Alias. Funny thing, I don't even watch allof those shows. I just know you'd like them. That's kind of cool. There's a band out called Coldplay..you'd love them, too. And btw, cutie little Lindsay Lohan...the little darling we loved in The Parent Trap...yeah, she ended up a little trampy. I included a pic so you could see. Bizarre!
Well, not a ton to say, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today. Didn't want you to feel alone.
Looks like it's going to be raining for quite a few days here...I know you like rainy days, but come on...
love you,
me
p.s. you remember that list you told me to write out? i kept it...and it came in very handy. You'd be amazed.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Requiem for a Dream
The inspiration for this blog came from a conversation with my friends Craig and Kortney. All of us have addictive personalities. (other people find us, in and of ourselves, addictive too!!) Anyway, the earliest memory of having an addictive personality is at age 7 I believe. My mom made a batch of chocolate chip cookies. She told me I could have one. I watched t.v. on our b/w t.v. in the kitchen because (even then) I wanted to watch my own shows and no one liked "Tales of the Golden Monkey." (Awesome show--there's even a cult following I found on the internet) Anyway, I just kept going back and getting one cookie after another until they were all gone. I, very Abraham Lincoln like, went to my mom and said, "I cannot tell a lie, I ate all of the cookies." Well, that's not exactly how I put it, but I told her and was very proud of myself for eating them all. I thought it was funny. She did not. She flipped. I had to go to bed. My addictions have become worse over the years. Interestingly enough, I'm not addicted to smoking or alcohol. I don't even think beer tastes good. I get addicted to people mostly...and t.v. shows. I remember my soph year in college being addicted to The Real World -Seattle. Completely into that season!! Loved San Fransico too...and New Orleans. I just didn't get into any other cities. I skipped class all of the time and watched Real World marathons. I probably spent 10 hours a day watching them. Today, Kortney and I were trying to think of some shows that we could throw ourselves into to escape our own little worlds. I'm currently addicted to reruns of Party of Five. My roommate, Dustin owns them and we watch them whenever we get a moment. We're currently on season 2. When I moved into the apt on Evergreen with J, I started in on Felicity. (he got hooked too) He watched all 4 years with me. Took us less than a month. We sat in front of the t.v. and just watch episode after episode after episode. I remember one Saturday...it was beautiful outside and neither one of us could pull ourselves away from Felicity, Ben or Noel. That show was a great bonding time for us...we really didn't know eachother and all I thought was, "wow, a guy who is cool enough with himself to get into Felicity and not care." Dawson's Creek came next but J bugged out on that one. He felt that it was a poor man's Felicity and banned the series. Understandable. Earlier this year, when I was unemployed...Jack Bauer came into my life. JACK BAUER!!!! (inside joke) I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning watching that show. J was gone to WI for work during the week and I had nothing else to do. (oh, yeah, that and looking for a job) 24 took a while...24 episodes per season, 4 seasons....40 minutes per episode..that's 64 hours I spent watching that show. wow. That's an addicting show.!!
(get to go home early...will resume at home.)
(get to go home early...will resume at home.)
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