My purse

I can't think of what to write about, so Kortney suggested I talk about what's in my purse. I suppose it could say a lot about a person...however, I switch purses constantly, so I keep a pretty light load.

1. Sunglasses
2. Umbrella (most of the time it's in the car...but I heard it's going to rain at 4pm)
3. 1/4 bag of Skittles
4. 5 different kinds of lipstick/gloss.
5. travel toothbrush (from the weekend)
6. Banana Boat sublock--30.
7. RGE and Oakmonte bills
8. a hairband
9. two moist towletts from a wings place we ate at in Buffalo last Friday.
10. my change purse
11. ipod with headphones
12. Tylenol
13. old receipts crumpled at the bottom
14. Floss.

Kind of boring...not sure you can tell too much about me. hmmm.

Tuesday

I'm forcing Spring weather today by wearing a skirt even though it's only in the 50s. The sun is out...and that's enough. It was 80 this past weekend...why can't it just stick around?? We've messed with the environment and now it messes with us.

The trees are in bloom here. I love the little white blossoms that make all the trees so pretty around here. And the flowers have bloomed outside of our apartment. Somewhere, Bambi and his friends are running around the forest talking about Spring and all that occurs--Feline will soon be in the picture. (I find it funny that I relate most things in life to a movie--as if it is a memory of my own...or a reality from my childhood.) Spring always reminds me of Bambi.

I have so much on my mind, but I can't write about it yet. Soon....

Cold

It's still cold out. And today it's raining. (As it did yesterday and the day before) However--we'll have warmer weather tomorrow, but I'm leaving. J and I are headed to South Beach with Angie and Mike. It will be nice to have a new perspective--trips always do that to me. I remember going abroad my first (and only) time. It was amazing. I was so happy. I realized how small my life was. Meaning--there's life out there!! It really is amazing when you think of ALL the different life sources out there...all living totally different lives...all breathing air...all being heated by the same sun. That's mind blowing. Plus, all the new life that is born every day! All the personalities and ideas. If the world was a place where all those ideas were used for good and not evil--what a place we could live in.

I woke up to the news of the Craig's List killer. He looks like someone I would've gone to high school with. He looks harmless. It's scary. I realize people said this of Ted Bundy...but that was before my time. This guy, Phillip Markoff, is someone I would've talked to in a bar or would've someone from who I'd ask directions. That's someone's son. That's what's awful. He was an innocent baby...who later killed someone else's innocent baby. I just don't understand. With that news and the Sunday school teacher who killed the little girl who was friends with her daughter--it makes me want to not watch the news!!

However, waking up to Matt Lauer is a great start to any day...no matter what the news.

Oh the times...they are a changin....

I have an excuse for being a bad blogger--been sick. Feeling a bit better today, but have been sleeping a lot and staying away from the computer. Struggling a bit as I write this...just wanting to retreat to my couch at home.

May will be a good month. April brought many showers, so the flowers should be up and happy. The temps should be finally getting up there too. This weekend...80 degrees!! Course, we'll be gone. We're headed to South Beach Florida with Angie and Mike. I'm looking forward to it--just hope I'm feeling better. As I was driving to work today, I felt a great sense of peace. Webster may not be everyone's cup of tea--but Jason and I are really enjoying it. It's quiet here. It's pretty. It's calming. Chicago was almost too cool for me. The hustle and bustle got to me. I really think we're going to enjoy visiting! We're going back in June for a wedding. I'm so excited to see everyone again. It's been such a long time. It's possible that the only people that will visit us are our closest of friends and family. We may have to go visit others before they'd come here. That's ok. I understand. Although--I do feel that we offer a lot and we're so close to a lot of things. Camping season is almost upon us...that's when the lack of friends here will become extremely apparent.

So many things to look forward to. I'm happy.

Put 'em up!

I hate confrontations. I'm not sure when that happened. As a kid, it seemed I thrived on them...even into my early 20s. But now, maybe it's maturity, I avoid them as long as possible. I'm horribly passive aggressive. It's not healthy. Even hours (or days) after a fight--even when things are ok--I'm still upset. The nerve I had as a kid. But I see those with no filter, that cause great interruptions at certain times and I'm immediately put off. There is a time and place for things, but usually, I avoid that time and place. I used to seek it out. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand door mats either! It's a very fine line. I love strength in women...I love when they are able to stand up for themselves. I don't do that as much as I should. That is something I definitely need to work on.

I had a mini-fight this morning and I'm still reeling from it. I just want to go home and crawl in bed.

There is a balance I need to find that will make me a strong, well spoken woman. People will know how not to talk to me and I will be able to express myself to them without my heart beating out of my throat.

Going Postal

Just a quick observation. I find myself at the post office a couple of times a week. I have to mail expense reports, etc. And no matter how long the line--it seems people ALWAYS seem to make some snide comment about the person being currently helped. For some reason, people always feel that their time is more precious than the one in front of them. It's just rude. This bugs me along with the men that give the mothers dirty looks. Kids are hanging off of them, chirping away and wondering how long they'll be there and the men just get irritated. I'm sure if these women had a better place for their kids to be, they wouldn't drag them in there. I'm just frustrated. EVERY time some asshole has a comment. I just want to yell, "And your time is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE!!!" I can't wait until I have the nerve to do it.

Kendra

I met Kendra when she was 3 days old. I had a Poloroid taken of us and I kept it in my car forever. I was instantly in love with her. I came home from college almost every weekend to see her. Ugh. I remember thinking that I wasn't sure I could have my own kids because I wasn't sure I'd love them as much. (I was 20) Today...that little girl is 14! I just can't believe it. I used to bath her in the sink with Becky--Baby Baby Bathtime. So cute. Now she has to deal with mean girls and "cute" boys. Unreal. I look forward to the woman she'll become. She loves Broadway musicals and movies--very much like her mother and grandmother. She's tall and beautiful and has braces. I would've killed to look like her in 7th grade! So many things to look forward to and experience. I envy her...and I don't. At least she'll have a very blunt Aunt to help guide her through the madness!

Walking Zombies

More people arrived in our office on Monday. More People, More Problems. I realize that's not the song, but it's my life. Everyone is very nice, but demanding. They are all over worked, over tired, (probably under paid) and dealing with hard deadlines. I feel for them. I told Wendy I felt like I was running an entire office of DDC employed Jason Vidmars. What an insane time that was for him. I realize though, that the dark circled eyes of the people around my office does not remind me of the Rochester Jason. Chicago Jason, yes. Although still a bit stressed from time to time, he no longer sleeps at work...or has 100 hour weeks. I wouldn't be able to do it. I'll never have the big bucks--I require too much sleep. I'm just wired differently. I never pulled all-nighters in college either. My friends did. I used to stay up all night at sleep overs as a kid, but I'd be asleep the entire next day--I remember feeling as if I'd wasted my weekend.

I need to be careful not to become a mother hen. However, everyone has their limit...and it seems that some companies push people to reach it not matter what. Unrealistic deadlines. I feel that's a big component.

I just heard people discussing whether they could sleep in here or not. I just can't imagine. Of course, mothers have sleepless nights all of the time--they pull the same kind of hours.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I haven't been able to write. Work has been busy (not that I'm complaining) and when I get home, I just want to be as far away from a computer as possible. Plus, I've been struggling with what to write about. I could try stream of consciousness, but maybe that would be a complete bore. I have frustrations, but that could be boring to discuss.

But I will anyway.

BIG Businesses annoy me. In my smaller offices, getting a phone, adding software to my computer, even getting a light changed was a simple process. Here, you have to call into a help desk and fill out a ton of forms for anything! I miss the days of the IT guy showing up at my desk and just installing whatever I need. Also, I'm doing it for 45 people. I'm dealing with it right now and it's making for a very long day. See, I told you it would be boring.

The Rules

1. open all candy before the movie.
2. please close your mouth when you eat popcorn.
3. It's not a place to hang out with your teen friends...go to the mall.
4. Whisper means usually only 2 people can hear what you're saying.
5. If you giggle during sex scenes, you might be too young to see them.

Went to the movies--saw Knowing. It was entertaining, but we sat next to a group of about 10 tweens. Jason and I are too polite to say something. Man, could've used either Dustin or Amanda to shut them up!!

Love Bites

Well, it's rainy today, but I feel better. Although yesterday it was sunny and 61, it's Friday today, so that trumps it.

In the news--Madonna was denied her adoption. Interesting. She's put in tons of money for building a school and towards an orphanage in South Africa. Unfortunately, that was used against her as some felt that due to those advantages, the 4 year old girl would be better taken care of. Most likely she'll fight it. I want to adopt. I wouldn't mind starting the process now. Hopefully that's something that will eventually happen.

I've been having horrible dreams. 2 nights ago I dreamt that my father died. I cried all night it seemed. Michael had told me the story of her father dying that day, that's most likely where I got that. It still spurred me to write Dad and tell him I love him. Then, last night, I dreamt about my first love, Jay. I dream about him more than any guy I've dated....probably because he created my standard of romantic love. He was so young...I was younger. I loved the fierce passion he had for me and how incredibly romantic he was. (Of course, with fierce passion can come jealousy and such, but we dealt with that.) The poems and flowers and constant crazy acts of love have been unparalleled. It might have ruined me actually. Most men aren't as romantic. (though I have run into one more who was) It sets expectations too high. At times, I do believe Jay created a monster...but I'll live with that. I'm a passionate girl. Most blame it on my movie watching, but I don't. I think it's in your blood. You are born with it. It's a gift and it's inspiring. I don't think all of that has to be because you're young--I believe it can live as long as you do. People seek it out. Whether they know it or not, I believe we yearn for it--it just makes life sweeter and more vivid. That's why The Notebook was so successful! And why there are so many movies and songs dealing with first love...passionate love...even love that is scandalous. My favorite movie has scandalous love...The English Patient. I love the passion and the torture. That sounds masochistic. However, even if K wasn't married, I would still love the movie, although, it is a lot of the plot. I loved The Notebook --as cheesy as it is. He so reminds me Jay...and watching it just takes me back. Ugh. So good!!

The one episode of Thirtysomething that stuck with me was when Hope learns of the death of her first love...it really hits her hard. She spends days thinking of how young they were and how she used to feel. All of those emotions are so strong--especially when you are discovering them. It's like nothing else. My niece is going to be 14 soon. It could happen to her in the next couple of years...wow. I'm not talk about sex, but just the overwhelming feelings she'll have. I'm excited for her.

Ok, so dreams may affect me too much.

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Time Goes By.....So Slowly!!

Last night wasn't good--hence the fact I didn't write. I do pretty well, but every now and again, it hits me. I'm horribly exhausted, I can't get off the couch to do a thing, I'm overly concerned about everything in my life and I freak out a bit about all of it. I went home and started watching all of my DVR'd shows. When I got to the second episode of West Wing, I couldn't stay awake--I think it was 9something. Dustin woke me up later to talk, I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman, but he listened and didn't make me feel crazy--but validated. I called Joan (my therapist of the past 6 years) and made an appt for today at 6pm. I haven't talked to her since we moved and it's time. I have a lot on my mind. Instead of the angel and devil on each shoulder, I just want a teeny-tiny Joan sitting on one side advising me to do each thing I question. She'd coach me during family gatherings and airplane rides, particularly. I could put her in a box at night so she could sleep. Ok, that's weird. I think I'm PMSing. (damn)

In the news...Madonna wants to adopt another baby from South Africa. People are giving her hell for it. Ridiculous. She wants another child to love and provide for, let her do it. Are there children in the US to adopt, yes. However, wherever the child is from...it doesn't matter, it's a child--a person of the world. Between she and Angelina--let them provide for as many as possible if they have the time, heart and the money. The world is struggling to provide...so who cares who does it?!!

I haven't seen any movies lately. I'm going through withdrawal.

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A nice burnt orange would be nice.

Why do most offices--at least most I've worked in--make all of their walls white? It's sterile and depressing. I feel like I'm in a hospital. (Not that hospitals are depressing places...but they are sterile!) I would paint the walls on my own if I could, but we don't "own" the space. My office is inside of Xerox...I work for the IT company that runs all of Xerox's machines....we control all of the servers, etc. I don't even know what HCL stands for. Let me go look.....

ok, back. It's stands for Hindustan Computers Limited. Here is the wikipedia page if you are interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HCL_Technologies
HCL is India’s 4th largest leading global IT Services companies...huh!

Well, their revenue looks pretty good...5 Bil. They could afford some paint. They could afford to pay Xerox to let us use some paint.

SATC....not quite.

Had another weekend in Brooklyn. And although I'm too exhausted to write in depth about the experience...I will say that I find stepping into another's life something each person should do. Meaning, the weekend was nothing I would have ever planned for myself. I hung out with people I never would've run into or met on my own (my brunch pals were a 72 year old woman, Pat and an 86 year old man, Harold. They were fabulous. I loved the conversation and I loved the environment--a diner over a 100 years old that looked the same as it did when it opened. In fact, Harold used to come there as a little boy. (Big story on Harold coming soon.)

I grew up in Small Town, KS. They (Harold, Pat and Michael--my coworker) grew up in Brooklyn. They lived in apt buildings...they walked to get everything they needed...or they took a bus. They didn't have to learn to drive, but did. Pat said she owned a car for a while..."from 1967-71." She said it wasn't for her.

Michael had me driving everywhere. I drove through the Holland tunnel, drove all over tons of neighborhoods...she even took me to Coney Island at 11pm to see the beach in the freezing, wet darkness. She has so much more energy than I do, it's crazy. She's 53 and I was wiped out trying to keep up with her. I love meeting a new type of woman I haven't encountered before. Her beliefs, her energy, her spiritual connection, her attitude--she's from a different mold. It was such a learning experience for me. We grew up in completely different universes and yet...we found tons of things we had in common.

We are all connected...somehow.
More later, I'm pooped.

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Wednesday Night

My mind is not in a healthy place today. Or rather, in the past hour it dipped. I wish I could explain more, but I fear I might be committed.

Jason is staying the night in Owego. Probably better. In these times of chemical off balance, I'd rather be alone. What caused it? I think it was my inability to figure out how to copy a graph from a pdf file into Microsoft Project. I'm suppose to have it done by 10AM tomorrow and I have no idea. I've never even worked in Project. But I'm sure I'll figure it out.

And my husband is irritated that I've decided to take off for the weekend to NYC again. I was there last month. My new co-worker, Michael, lives there--she will eventually move here, but for now, she has a nice house in Brooklyn that she misses and her ride backed out, so I'm taking her. Mostly because I love new experiences...and she's interesting...and I like seeing where people live...and I love NYC...and it's fun to get away. Jason's quarter end is next week, so he'll be busy. Michael says we'll relax. She wants mani's and pedi's (for cheap!), go to see Bus Stop at a local theatre and just enjoy the neighborhood. I was thinking I could hang with Dewey too, but he has yet to contact me. How fun would that be?!!

I also need to be able to look decent in a swimming suit by the end of April. Hmmmm.

Idol is starting soon. It's my saving grace. I'm going to start laundry, put away laundry, clean up the kitchen and swoon over cute Idol boys...and girls, who are we kidding.

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Death Becomes Her

I'm nervous today. Almost like I'm waiting on something to happen. I feel unsettled. I keep driving and wondering if I feel at home. The better question is when is the last time I felt at home. I remember feeling really good in Cincinnati, but that may be because of Lisa and John. They were my family...and it was a comforting environment. I didn't have my crap together then...but I did enjoy my time there. Now, being more "with it" here in Rochester, somehow I find myself trying to get to a certain feeling--like it's a goal. Chicago never felt like home. I have great friends there...I was there for a long time, but I was always moving. I didn't live in the same place for more than year. That's a lot of moving around. Plus, I also had new jobs every year and a half for one reason or the other. Lawrence is probably the closest thing to feeling at home as I could have. St. John is too, but it's different. My house isn't mine anymore...my room isn't there...and I don't really have a set place to be there. I keep trying to feel at home and that doesn't work. I think J and I are both searching for a certain feeling. He still feels that Chicago is his home--though he is feeling more comfortable here. It's hard. We are slowly meeting people, but we don't have good friends here. We are still searching around. It's cold as hell and I don't like to be outside. My apt feels homey. I like being in it...but I still feel like something is missing.

I always think very dark thoughts. What if Jason died...what would I do then? Where would I live....or go? Part of me thinks I'd move back to Lawrence. Jason wasn't there...his ghost wouldn't be following me around--not that that would be a bad thing. Part of me wonders if I'd continue to roam around. Maybe see if Sarah wanted a roommate in Seattle or something. Or, maybe I'd make Dewey have me as a roommate, although he doesn't want one. Or, maybe I'd move overseas. That would be dramatic, but I'm dramatic. I know that immediately, I'd want to be in St. John. I'd still look for something there that I know isn't anymore. The "St. John" feeling. I know there are people who have moved from there that understand what I mean. (Kortney and Becky would know) This is a weird thing to write about.

I know I'm not the only one that constantly thinks about crazy things. How many would come to my funeral. How weird would it be for my family to finally meet some of my friends that she's always heard about. How would it affect each person. I know what it's like to lose a friend...and how it affects me...and how she's constantly around. Not like a haunting...but like she's here and I can see her, but no one else can. I want to talk about her, but now it's like I'm morbid if I bring up her name. I recently found her brother on facebook and I just wanted to talk about her...but I felt like I couldn't because maybe he didn't want to talk about her with me. Interesting that I still haven't used her name. Carrie. I think about her and I wonder if 10 years after my death, others would think of me just as often. I've had her mom's email address for almost a month and I haven't used it. I'm still a bleeding heart sometimes and maybe that's not good for her. I just want to sit and talk about her until she's here in some form.

Maybe this is floating to the top of my mind because I heard about Sylvia Plath's son's suicide. Not that I'm suicidal. It's just---his life is gone. I think about my life being gone. Poof. And Natasha Richardson is gone. Poof. Her kids will grow up without her...and maybe Liam will remarry one day. But, she's gone. Really? People think we don't go anywhere after death? REALLY??! I feel how much energy there is inside me...my thoughts that won't stop, etc--and it's just GONE?

Life is great. But, if we do get to see the people we've lost after we die...the company gets better and better on the other side.

Thrilled.

I received my first award--and although it won't be a headline...it made my morning!! (Thanks so much JEN!!!)

The rules of receiving this award are to share seven things I love, and also tell you about seven blogs I love. Well, I don't follow a ton of blogs--I get bored easily, so I will put down the ones that I do allot time for.

7 Things I love:

1. Movies. --They are a part of my internal make up. I grew up watching everything. My mom wasn't big on "kids movies"--so she took my sister Wendy and me to movies she was interested in. Therefore, I watched a ton of adult movies at a young age. For example, these are the movies that I remember vividly seeing when I was in grade school: The Color Purple (my mom says that I was transfixed by this movie...I didn't talk or move until it was over), Chariots of Fire (I remember being bored out of my mind), Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan (we went to see this...about 8 times I bet--I wanted to BE Tarzan.), Amadeus (just watched it recently and it wasn't as great as I remembered), Out of Africa (learned to love that more as an adult), Gandhi (my mom's fave) and Passage to Indai (I need to rewatch it). I saw movies that I didn't understand, but that pushed me to try. It helped my creative mind flourish I truly believe. She took us as an escape--but never anything inappropriate, more intellectually out of our range. I am a film snob now...and will probably do that to my kids to other mothers' disapproval I'm sure!

2. Naps. I just can't function as a productive, kind person without them. I literally become mean and lose my short term memory.

3. Laughing. I love laughing and definitely radiate towards people who help me do so. A sense of humor is the #1 thing I look for in people. Some of my favorite people are ones that I just love listening to LAUGH!

4. Camping. I love the outdoors. I love being in a tent--the sounds of birds, the tent zipper, the crickets, the late-arriving guests, the murmur of people still up talking around the campfire--coupled with the smell of it! I love the simplicity of it. I love the talks around the fire, in the canoe, on the hike. I love fixing food with everyone. I love that everyone is dirty and no one cares. I love it all--and I miss it with my Chicago buddies...

5. Toddlers. Sweet, loving, blunt, real, excited, funny and ready to learn. Working at a daycare was the best. Walking in and having them all run to me with smiles and hugs--it doesn't get any better.

6. Modern hair styling tools. --is it shallow? Maybe, but growing up with curly, frizzy hair without any de-frizz serum, flat iron or relaxing cremes REALLY scarred me as a kid. My senior pics are hidden and my Jr. High pics are used as my "do you really love me" test. (Jason passed with flying colors.)

7. Modern Medicine. As someone who has had 2 major surgeries already in her life...Ican't imagine what I would've done without it. My hip replacement gave me my life back...and I'm going to count my vision in there too! I think about what it would be like to being blind without glasses and in too much pain to walk--my life just wouldn't have much joy.

7 Blogs I follow:

(I don't have a ton of friends that blog...and I'm all about pop culture!)

1.Ross Matthews--ok, so it's a celebrity blog, but he makes me laugh. He's always in good mood and I find that refreshing. He doesn't do his daily life blog anymore--sadly, but all of his "talky blogs" are still up for people to see at: http://www.youtube.com/rosstheintern

2. Carolyn- Here's one I know. She has one little one and one on the way. She's blunt and funny...and married to a pal of mine from college. I love to follow her thoughts about this and that. http://supercblogs.blogspot.com/

3. Jane Fonda--yes, THE Jane Fonda...she actually helped inspire me to write every day! She's 71, on Broadway and can find the time! I love her. http://janefonda.com/category/my-blog

4. Kelly--Finally a blog to save the world!! She's one of the blogs I follow over on the right hand side! Click and learn!! http://ordinarilygreen.blogspot.com/

5. Lisa--My girlfriend who shows her life through pictures. I miss her, so I love to go see her world. http://lisabrooksc.blogspot.com/

6. Jen- My savior. If ever I were to read a blog and think, "wow, she's like me!" Ok, no, I don't have kids...but our minds are very similar...and she makes me laugh--or remember to laugh. That's important. http://diagnosisurine.blogspot.com/

7. Rosie-- http://www.rosie.com/ --She's VERY real...and her old talky blogs with JAHERO are HILARIOUS!! She has thoughts and she's going to share them. I really enjoy the tough ladies...reminds me to be strong as well.

I don't know how to do that nifty write a word and have it be the link thingy....obviously.

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The Lost Weekend

The morning is moving slowly. I hear the conference calls around me--the world continues to move on, no matter what happens in your life. It's an interesting thing. Well, to me. We all wake up in different realities. Matt Lauer woke up stiff and unable to go to work--having flipped over his handle bars during a bike ride and therefore threw off my Today Show morning. I enjoy his face, it puts me in a good mood. So, I had to settle for Lester Holt, who just isn't as enjoyable. I woke up ready, but tired. The weekend was a nice one. J's mom and sisters came for a visit. It was too crammed. They were here for one day and we felt the need to show them around so much that I feel everyone left more tired than when they arrived. I like the 3rd visit...when people already know what options they have to see and to eat...and everyone can just relax. We have a lot of first visits though before that happens. Until then...I feel the "relaxing" feeling we want to convey of the area will be lost.

I got an email this morning that helped my mood--an invitation for a weekend away from the cold!! Originally a girl weekend, when the husbands got wind, they wanted to go too. So, it looks like a South Beach weekend will occur at the end of April. I can't wait. I've only been to Florida once...when I got married. This time, it will undoubtedly be more relaxing!! We did instruct the men to find something else to do during the day so we can have ample girl talk time by the pool. Sunburned and-- let's face it, tipsy, we will meet them for dinner. Although the sun is starting to become more of a friend than an acquaintance lately, it's still not warm. We'll finally hit 62 by the weekend!

Work is helping me not "think" so much. It's nice...my thoughts are more about problem solving for those around me rather than wondering "is there life out there..." I need variation! It still baffles me what I did for the 5 months I didn't work. Yes,the apartment is decorated and clean and somewhat organized...but it's not like I am any better off than I was. (WHY do I feel the need to beat myself up for not having some huge project completed???) I thought I'd have a stack of books that I'd read, but no. It's just so hard for me to resign myself to reading for long periods of time.

Speaking of books I can't finish--I did see Twilight on Saturday night. Hmmm. Visually, it was something to enjoy--beautiful in parts. Edward was stimulating...to look at, to understand and connect to, it just didn't happen. Bella was just awful. She actually kept me from really enjoying the movie at all. She was dull and lifeless. Overall, a disappointment. I was looking forward to it, too. This makes it even more difficult to find the motivation to finish the book, damn.

I can hear Dolly singing already!

Being at home for the past 5 months and ruling over everything in the apt. has spoiled me for the work place. When I can't find an answer about anything, I almost lose my mind. WHY is there not a contact for my phone issues...fax issues...computer issues?? I want someone to come to my desk and help me...not tutor me over the phone. That's the problem with BIG companies. They are so vast--they have help centers...that you have to call. I miss walking around the office and yelling, "hey...does anyone know how to connect to the wireless around here?" I wanted a smaller office. I can't complain, I have a job. BUT, in the future...I'm all for mom and pop places where people go to lunch together and leave early on Fridays--AND CAN WEAR JEANS on Fridays! I'll get paid less. That's fine. Money takes away just as much happiness as it can give. Jason makes more now than he ever has...but he's tired and constantly feels behind. It's just not good for the soul.

I do have a nice manager. That's huge. I've worked for some crazy creepy people before. Men are easier to work for--but women are easier to work alongside. (In my opinion) I've had some great women managers before...but they are all business. They were probably better at the professionalism aspect. I want someone I can be real with--I'm not the most professional gal. I like to have real connections at work. Jason has found friends at work by luck...but doesn't EVER seek them out. He's all business. He needed me in his life. We can be a good balance.

It's the first day of Spring and it's still damn chilly outside. That pisses me off.

(title ref. 9 to 5)

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RIP

I've been so tired today. Not sure why. I'm not used to getting to bed by 10--I have 5 months of bad habits to break.

I'm saddened by Natasha Richardson's death. I find it somewhat interesting that we feel for people we've never met. My dad was really shaken over Tim Russert's death. We see people on stage and screen and somehow we feel connected to them. I know that when Paul McCartney dies it will be hard. He's been such a constant source of joy in my life. When something like that happens, my mom, sister and I all call each other as if one of our close friends has died. We've gone to the movies our entire lives--it's like we have mutual friends. I actually think about Liam Neeson and how he's doing. Is that weird?

The job is going well. I feel like I'm a house mother. I make sure everyone has what they need, I make sure we have enough coffee, cups, pens, paper, if the printer works, if the scanner works, if the email is up, what desk each person is sitting at, if there are enough cubes for everyone, etc!!! I like it. It's busy...and it makes the day FLY by. Everyone is very nice to me...and they know I have the power to either get things done for them quickly--or not! I'm the Key Master AND the Gate Keeper!