Coffee? Tea? Xanax?

My house and my life seem out of control. Z's sleeping schedule was thrown off last weekend and hasn't recovered. NEVER BREAK THE SCHEDULE!!! I was trying to be cool mom...instead of uptight mom and it backfired. Now, she's a mess, I'm a mess, the house is a mess--it's a cycle. I haven't blogged. I haven't folded the laundry. I haven't cooked a meal yet this week. That's all changing today. The weather sucks, that's a given. The cold, rainy, gray days make me want to jump off of a cliff. So, I have a bit of SAD happening. Given. But, I think it is blown up by being overwhelmed with everything else. I think the OCD is also playing a part. I obsessed over making Z strawberry frosted angel food cake cupcakes for her birthday--got those done last night, but let's be honest...they were more for me. It's almost like I HAVE to make them on her birthday and mine or else my grandparents won't be represented. Ridiculous. I finally got to the grocery store yesterday. I hadn't gone since before Thanksgiving. Shocking. We were eating odd concoctions.

Z turned 2 on Monday. We spent the day in our pj's doing whatever she wanted and then went to the mall where she rode the carousel about 9 times. They make me sick so J went with her. I was nauseous just watching them go round and round. ugh.

I'm drinking my heated up coffee with my Almond Joy creamer and feeling content as I set out my day. We just got back from Little Gym where Z wouldn't really cooperate, but she did fine. She is off. I will admit, I worry about the weekend. I'm headed to NYC to see Dewey and she will have Daddy Weekend here. J isn't great about enforcing bedtime. He's a softy...and hence, her favorite parent. But, I'm going to let it go and enjoy my time and not worry about it. If she's a monster when I return, oh well. At least I saw Hugh Jackman sing and dance. Life is good.

Tis the season for anti-depressants. I'm holding off for now. I just need a lot of hugs. Don't we all.