all I can think about today.

Last night I had a dream that I was up in a very tall building, working...when the wind picked up and knocked it over. (9/11 anxiety dream.) I felt it falling. I knew I was going to die. I was at peace with it, but  I was very scared. I remember seeing my friends, Toni, Angie and Carolyn and kept saying over and over..."I love you." It was terrifying. My friend Craig was also in the building, but I didn't know it. Later I found that he was in a coma in the hospital. (I assume the coma was from seeing The Descendants)  I'd seen the trailer for Extremely Loud and Incredilbly Close last night--where Sandra is looking at the WTC falling.  (That ties in the building falling) I was in love with Craig in 2001--there's that link. I always dream about Toni and Angie (they represent my life)...and Carolyn is a Chicago friend--linking my living in Chicago at the time. (At least this is my best way to break it all down...) I woke up and thought about it all for quite a while. I was single then. I do believe that if 9/11 were to have happened this year instead of in 2001, it would have had a different impact on me. I wouldn't say greater, because I was in shock when it happened. I was far away from home. I was in strange settings...in the biggest city I'd ever lived. I was living it with everyone else--glued to the tv. However, my frame of mind is just different now. Also, being 36 is different than 26. I'm more mature. I think more about other people. At 26, I was still pretty focused on myself. I may be jaded in some areas of my life, but I do feel the weight of the world's suffering more now than I ever did before. I cry more for people. I think more about people. I put myself in their shoes all of the time to try to understand what they must be going through. When Z crawled in bed with me this morning...I thought, "had I had you in 2001, I can't imagine being in that building." I can actually cry for those who lost people 10 years ago, today. I can feel the ache and the fear. I am happy that in the dream, it was more important for my friends to hear me tell them I love them than for me to hear it. I need to say it more.