Neglect

I've been in a fog for quite some time. Then, all at once the fog lifted and I realized that my house is a complete disaster and I seem to be a bit of a disaster myself. Today is the day to rectify that situation. It's probably my way of dealing with my mental health--if my house is clean, then I'm a good mother, wife and person. (ridiculous) When things are a mess around me, I feel out of control and it's a little too familiar of a feeling. I've been neglecting everything really. Z didn't change out of her pajamas yesterday and I didn't either. Today she is running around with just pull ups because I'm determined to put her in clothes.

We're taking Meryl to the vet this morning. She's peed all over our closet. She obviously isn't feeling well. She snuggled with me last night, poor kitty. Jason isn't feeling sympathetic. It took one article for to know we can't just make her an outdoor cat. It would mentally mess her up. She just needs care. In a house with a toddler, that is difficult at times. Hopefully they can help her today.

We leave for Cleveland in the morning. Oh how I wish I could stay here and tend to things that I can't tend to with everyone here. I daydreamed about it this morning. I could clean and organize and relax and sleep. I could go to the store. I could go to a movie. I could nap. It was a nice daydream.