I remember you...

It's raining. It's gray...but my mood is good. My back is somewhat out again. ?? I stood wrong for a second and there it went. Strange. Makes me feel so old. 

Saturday night we went to see Shame. Wow. I knew what it was about. I sort of knew what to expect. However, I didn't think I would be enlightened...and actually feel how desperate the characters felt. I didn't know I would somewhat relate. (It's about a man--Michael Fassbender dealing with sexual addiction..and his sister who is a vulnerable, lost soul.) It was excruciating to watch at times. The sex didn't bother me as much as how he seemed in so much pain all of the time. And goodness...Carey Mulligan, who plays his sister--she was fantastic. She is someone you just want to take care of. She is an open wound. They both need such mending and attending to. It was heartbreaking, really.

Before the movie we went out to eat. It was a new place to me, but J has been there a few times. It was cute. We ate  pizza and talked without interruption. I had a key lime martini-my fave. Sitting there talking was so nice. I looked across the table and realized how he was opening up about how he felt about so many things. I felt connected. It's hard to connect all of the time with Z running about. I saw my friend again. I thought, "Gosh, I really like this guy." I always like him...but I don't always understand him. The fact that he was able to communicate so well about his thoughts and feelings at this stage in his life was so refreshing and all of the confused parts of our life seemed to find a place. I saw an order. I saw the bridge between us being rebuilt. It was great. We are so into our own daily struggles, it is hard to relate to the other sometimes. It just takes some quiet time to be able to express how we are really feeling. And sometimes, it takes a break to understand it ourselves. He needs a journey, a trip. I truly believe in trips without the other. Time away to reconnect to yourself. That is so important. I hope he can carve out some time to do that.

Sunday we relaxed a bit. I finally made my dreaded trek to the grocery store--an errand I abhor. I made chili for the week. Now there is no guess work as to what to eat. Thank goodness for crock pots. 

The rain is somewhat comforting. It's 50 degrees. The snow is still covering the ground...everything is so wet. You can't be but grateful that you are warm and dry. The light is on the inside today...I'm thankful for that.