my youth was wasted on me, too.

There are days when I know blogging isn't the best idea. When my head is filled with shadows and ghosts and longing for days gone by really is a waste of time. I am affected by my dreams. So many don't even remember them. Mine stay with me for days. When I'm in them, I can feel, touch, smell things--and then I wake up without them and feel the loss all over again. The sun is out and it's a beautiful crisp day. I would love to be in the moment. My heart is heavy. I woke up feeling as if I'd just been there. We go through so many lifetimes. Each has it's own greatness. But, we carry ourselves full of holes into the next. Keats is so right on in Ode to a Grecian Urn. Such sweet moments frozen in time...nothing changes or loses its beauty over time. It just is--and it stays. After sweet moments are gone, they are gone. (My god, could this get  more depressing??!!) There are days when I wake up and everything is the best it's ever been. I am optimistic and bright eyed. I am thankful and looking forward. But then there are days like today--when you just miss certain times of life, certain feelings felt or just the feeling of being young and new to it all. I miss my heart bursting and stomach twirling with things I'd never felt before. I miss being wrapped up in someone--when you both have all day to just want each other. I miss times before real life responsibilities take us away from one another.


I've posted this before, but I'll do it again. The second verse is the one I refer to most often. The language can be rough, but the meaning stays true with me.

Ode To A Grecian Urn--John Keats

Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness,

       Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,

Sylvan historian, who canst thus express

       A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:

What leaf-fring'd legend haunts about thy shape

       Of deities or mortals, or of both,

               In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?

       What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

               What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard

       Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;

Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,

       Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:

Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave

       Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;

               Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,

Though winning near the goal yet, do not grieve;

       She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,

               For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed

         Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;

And, happy melodist, unwearied,

         For ever piping songs for ever new;

More happy love! more happy, happy love!

         For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,

                For ever panting, and for ever young;

All breathing human passion far above,

         That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,

                A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?

         To what green altar, O mysterious priest,

Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,

         And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?

What little town by river or sea shore,

         Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

                Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?

And, little town, thy streets for evermore

         Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

                Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.

O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede

         Of marble men and maidens overwrought,

With forest branches and the trodden weed;

         Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!

         When old age shall this generation waste,

                Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,

         "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all

                Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."