Snap out of it!!!

The clouds are out. I needed the sun today. I've been in a mental rut. One of the things I would like to change about myself is my mental toughness. If I am not feeling a 100% in any way (physically), I struggle with my day. I spent years of feeling "out of it" due to being over medicated for anxiety/depression--probably caused by the meds I was taking. I don't push through things as I'd like. I have very tough friends. I've always been surrounded by take charge women who really rarely complain. They just get it done. Why has this not rubbed off on me? I get frustrated with my personality. WHY am I like this? I want to change. I want to be stronger. I want Z to understand that you just have to get through your day no matter what sometimes. You can't sit and wonder why you don't feel well. Honestly, I think I cause more ill that way. Quit thinking and just do. Quit wanting things to be different and just make them different. Quit being a victim to not feeling well.

I am so thankful no one is visiting me right now. Jason is being more than understanding. "We're just trying to survive at this point." However, this lull in my domestic fantasticness showed him some things, "I will admit that now I really know how much you were doing before." Well, I guess that is a positive. So today, I am kicking myself in the ass to be better than I have been. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Yes, quit being such a whiny wimp and power through it.

It's been over a month that I haven't been feeling so well-- and I am tired of what it's done to me mentally. I'm over this.

I probably do need a slap in the face--Z needs to say to me, "Mom, I don't know what's going on with you, but you aren't doing me any favors."

She's right.