I'm smiling as I write this.

I'm lucky to have all of the people I do in my life. I'm lucky I'm completely in love with my fiance who loves me so much. I'm lucky to have such amazing and diverse friends. I'm lucky because I actually like my parents. It feels good to be taken care of and know that people really do care about me. I get to have the wedding I always wanted...amidst water and sun and without stress (that also has Beatles music). I'm just lucky and I'm lucky for so many reasons...I'm just having a moment and wanted to note it. I'm happy and I'm in love and I can't wait to see Jason every day when he gets home...and I'm marrying him. I love that. Life just worked it way out. That's pretty cool.

Tuesday ramblings...

It's been a long time. I have a new hip and I'm just around the house doing nothing and yet I have not blogged. Mom was here for ten days helping, so that was taking up my time. This is my week without anyone constantly. Jason comes home and checks on me a lot and then I have the alone times. Been wrestling with boredom and a mild depression this morning. I think I've whipped it. Man, it's work to try to make yourself feel better. I clean a little...as much as I could and decided I needed to read my Oprah mag and get a book. TV's been ruling my time. It's a gorgeous day out today so I opened all of the windows and am now letting all of the light and fresh air in. That is helping a lot. I've seen a lot of friends while I've been "down." My old roommate Debbie came by the other night. I hadn't seen her in over a year! I did go to see Zodiac with J and Dustin on Sunday night. My first big outing. We were all very scared and disturbed afterwards. To know that it all happened...to know that someone was that cold blooded...it really upset me. It reminded me of how I felt while I was reading In Cold Blood. The family described in the book, the Clutter family, reminded me so much of the Siefkes family back home. Good family, good kids....just good people. The idea of hunting people for a game. I came home and watched an hour of Larry King before I could go to bed. He was covering the release of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson on dvd. He interviewed one of Johnny's wives, the second, Joanne. She was great. He showed old clips and it made me miss being a kid. I used to be able to stay up and watch Johnny Carson while I was at my grandparents house. If I could see anyone today, I'd like to see them. I just want to be around them again. They always made me feel special. Extra special. I don't know....I just always felt like they really enjoyed me, too. That's an important feeling.

The fresh air is making me feel better. I just wrote an entire paragraph and now it's gone....what happened?? Ugh.

Miss my grandparents today. I wish they lived next door. I'd love to be able to play gin with someone and talk about stuff. A lot of people make me feel special, but they were the first to do so....so well (other than my parents). In a way, they set the bar. That's important. People need to feel loved and respected and they need to feel special. At least I need to.

Going to read Oprah now.

I hope we all try to make those around us feel better just for being around us. That's a great way to be. I'm not like that all of the time, I need to work on that.