KJ

You weren't born to me

but I made you my own

Your small beating heart

band aided my own.

You focused

the blurred love

of myself.

You weren't born to me

but I made you my own

Running to me

jumping in my arms

created my self worth

I was a planet in orbit

You, the sun.

You warmed me

connected me

gave me direction.

You weren't born to me

but I made you my own

I was a ghost

no one could see

a cold, empty space

then you sat next to me 

proved me real.

My questioned existence

had meaning.

My abandoned self

newly discovered.

You weren't born to me

but you made me your own. 

Z 2.2.17

Z

Seeing her baby pictures
my heart hurts
my throat lumps.

I miss her breath in my ear
her eyes brightening
as I peered into her crib.

I miss being her entire world.
Not having to let anyone else in.
Not her teachers
or her friends
who teach things
I don't want taught.

Time slips through
the strands of her hair
that grows too long
covering her eyes.

Time slips through
her tears
that I can cause
when my skin is too thin.

Time slips through
my hand
when she pulls away
wanting to steady herself.

I have to fight the fears
that keep her from dreaming
that cause her to doubt
making her say stinging words.

On the days I fail her,
I wish for the clean slate.
To take back all the times
I caused a scratch.

Bring back the baby
that I don't annoy.

Bring back the baby
that I don't disappoint.

The pictures don't reveal
when I couldn't wait
for her to dress herself
feed herself
play on her own
and not need me for everything.

Tired and faded
I became part of the wallpaper.
I lost my name.
forgot who I was before.

I share her with a world
That will see her grow
In ways I will not.

I share her with a world
That will cause pains
I cannot mend.

I share her with a world
And will now and forever
outstretch my hand.

Bring back the baby
that I don't scar.