Saturday, February 06, 2016

hello pot.

I've been neglecting writing...any real writing...anything that I could produce into something. A play. A blog. I have a friend from HS who has a blog and I can't even look at it because it just reminds me of what a coward I am. But lately, there have been signs from the universe that are pushing me to just do it. I know that sounds goofy, but it is pretty weird. I keep receiving the same message over and over but from all different sources. I think I'll start with a film blog and see how that goes. The play will come in time. I'm afraid of it a bit...and am going to take a course first before I dive in. The film blog at least marries to of my loves.  I wrote one review over a year ago and stopped. ?? I just need to keep going, even if it sucks. I'm holding on the hope that I will ge t better over time. If I get get worse, I'll just keep it all to myself. But I'm just sitting around feeling awful about not starting...about what I could be doing and what I'd love to see happen--but if you don't start, that's sort of not possible. I want the girls to see you can do anything you want. And even if you are scared to the core, you just try and see how it goes. Why not? In this age of doing most anything without people knowing who you are...hell, it makes no sense. My life is very vanilla it seems. Although it is rich with sweetness and my girls are growing and learning and I know I have a great deal to do with that...I always feel a bit empty when they go to bed. That makes me feel guilty--you see where I'm going. It's a cycle of nonsense. I'm tired of being in awe of other people and wondering what my life could've been. I'm not talking about any type of fame. I'm just talking about living a creative life. CREATE-ive life. I am always so annoyed that my mom won't start writing. wth.