Friday, October 29, 2010
Man, I love this movie!!!
It's Friday and I'm tired. Too tired. What is going on? I'm like mono tired. I can't remember names or places or how to put a bottle together correctly. I spilled all over the kitchen. I still have to make a cake. I still need to clean. J's parents are coming tomorrow. must clean house. damn. j's asleep downstairs. what a bastard. (i mean this in a loving way...)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
First of all, how cool is this cake? I'm going to do a graveyard cake, but may attempt this one next year. I got the idea from The Today Show.
I'll do my best to take a pic of my cake--but don't expect much.
J and I love Halloween. We love horror movies...and scaring each other. We know that for a few years we'll have to tone it down. Z may not appreciate it too much.
However, even though J likes it, he isn't much for dressing up. That's all of the fun! I'm headed out to find something he'll put on. I think Z (in the future) will appreciate that her parents really get into it. It's fun. It is a bonding time for the family and it shows her we don't take ourselves too seriously. Halloween is a holiday without family drama. No worries of visiting anyone. No fights over the table. Just candy, costumes and some scares. I'm hoping Jason will get more into it as the years go by.
My mom hates Halloween. She shuts off all of the lights and ignores it. BOOO!!! My sister, Wendy and I have always loved it. My dad would dress up in a mask and give candy without saying a word--very eerie. I loved it. I think the "devil holiday" is pretty ridiculous. Come on people...kids get to use their imagination...and so do adults! Enjoy it! Eat your weight in candy and have fun with the Fall colors...walking the streets and meeting your neighbors.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Fall has a way of bringing on the memories. The trees spark colorful memories of college. KU's campus bursts with color in Autumn. Walking down to the football games...walking the streets under the colorful canopies...gosh, how I miss it. Everything was mine for the taking. I met amazing people and had some of the greatest talks of my life. Your life was ahead of you...you could do anything you wanted. I fell into my life. I didn't plan it. Maybe most people do. Now, I crave control and choice. I feel as if I have to take control of the moments of my day. I want to plan it out. I want to make sure it's not wasted. The TV detox is part of that. As a film student, you spend endless hours watching movies. It's amazing. Life is outside! It's in the blowing trees, in the rain beating the pavement, in the sun that lights up the leaves and in sounds of kids in the neighborhood. Do kids spend time outside anymore? Are they all inside on some type of electronic doo-dad? As I sit here typing away on my Mac...listening to my Itunes....my god.
In the next week, my goal is to write 10 letters. 10 lucky people get mail. I think it's time to throw something different out into the universe. HEY!!! UNIVERSE!!! REMEMBER ME?????
Monday, October 25, 2010
Last night J put up the gates at the top of each stair while I updated Z's baby book. Look at all I'm getting done. It's amazing.
I'm teaching Z sign language after a recommendation from my friend Becky. She said it will help Z communicate with me before she can talk. She's a fast learner. She knows the signs for milk, ducks, stars and eat. Not bad. We'll see how much she can actually learn. It's pretty cool how quickly she catches on.
I feel like an overachiever today! (I don't normally feel this way...) But, there's a new Gossip Girl tonight. Laugh if you want...but it's a horribly addicting little show. May have to fall off the wagon for an hour tonight.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I've been an addict of TV for most of my life. I'm not happy about it, but it's the truth. I'm an escapist. I love to dive into others' lives and take a break from my own. Reading makes me tired and I feel that I'll just sleep all of the time if I read a lot. Maybe I'm just not used to it. I've been thinking a lot about breaking from my TV for a week to start...then maybe 2....ugh. I'd like to spend my time doing other things. I feel I'd get more done. Most moms I know don't even have time to watch tv, so I should start now so I don't get the shakes later. I've been avoiding this post...because as an addict, I was afraid of really doing it--letting the TV go for a bit. See, I even talk like an addict..."for a bit"--I can't just quit. In my struggles of being a stay at home mom zombie...I think it's been nagging at me that I'm becoming my worst nightmare. I love books. My house is full of them. I'm a hypocrite. I live a lie. I look like I read...and I don't. I read pages in a book a day, but not ever really finishing the book! I would like to set a good example for Z and not be a tv zombie. I've been one for long enough and I feel so bored. I thought I could start by limiting myself to how much I watch a day. How much TV is too much? I am too embarrassed to tell you how much I watch currently. I've admitted I have a problem...but I don't want you to know how much of a problem I have.
It's time for a change. Can I do it?? I'm scared of not being able to...but more scared of becoming the most uninteresting person I know!!
I'm going to rake leaves now...and think about how to go about this.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I always fear loss. Is that morbid? I think of losing Jason every time he has a day on the road. It's awful. I can talk myself into a complete freak out.
Dreams of people always fill me with thoughts of them. I sometimes feel it's a sign that I should reach out somehow. A flood of memories came back to me about our times together--gosh, almost 20 years ago. We've remained in touch and I think of him with such fondness and yes, love. Whenever my brain decides to dream about lovers or boyfriends...it always attaches his face to whatever person I'm dreaming about. Because it was the first imprint of love on my heart--he's always been just a part of my history. I love love, passion and romance. I feel lucky that he created so much of that for me in my life at such a young age. I can easily say that he's the most romantic person I've run across. I have no idea if he grew out of that--we don't talk of things like that now. Now, it's about our families and children. We all grow and change and move on to what our lives will be...and what they were meant to be. I just love that my history was so full of intensity.
Ugh...my heart's been heavy all day. It's all Jason's fault. He told me the night before that he'd dreamed about one of his ex-girlfriend's dying. (THE ex-girlfriend that was the most intense for him...and how sad he was about it.)
Young love is so important. Let's hope Z finds a love to be happy and intense about! The other kind...where you are left feeling empty and broken--let's leave those to those girls who aren't nice to their mothers!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What is Don Draper doing? I just watched the season finale of Mad Men and am floored by Don's sudden love fest with his secretary. I understand his feelings of loss compounded with her Maria Von Trappness--but to get engaged? Wow. I think men that had an absent mother (or mom that weren't very mommyish) yearn for that at any age.
Mad Men...I find it so damned entertaining...all of it. I love the era, I love the clothes, I love the feeling that I'm somehow peering into past lives of my parents and grandparents. It's like I'm watching behind a couch or something. Don Draper is an odd duck though. I find myself attracted to him, as EVERY woman on the show does, yet so fed up with his crap. My mom can't stand him. He's selfish. Yes. He uses people. Yes. Yet, he has that smart man, good looking, mystery thing happening. He's creative and has presence. This is a character, I know. He's a guy I'd like to have drinks with...but then dump in the end. He really needs to be dumped. The guys just discards women like wrappers. It is gross...and yet so entertaining!
Poor Betty...she's just miserable and becoming just awful. So pretty and yet SO messed up. Don screwed her head up pretty well. She shouldn't have children. She's unhappy and angry.
In my next life, I want to be Joan. How fucking fantastic is she!?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Above is a link to a chart that compares religions side by side...
I found this fascinating...but will have to report back on a deeper level later. I'm studying...(well, actually, I'm going to take a nap while it's possible...but I will be getting back to you...)
Ok, the fact is that if I HAD to choose one that seems to fit how I feel most of the time, it'd be the Baha'i faith. But, when I started to look into it, I started to feel claustrophobic. This is a strange reaction. Any real in depth look into a religion and seeing people worshiping freaks me out. Why is that? Most of my friends say that it's the gathering together that they appreciate the most. For me, it's what makes me the most anxious.
I also felt that I could be Unitarian. Jason and I have discussed going to the Unitarian church in Rochester. Yet, we still haven't gone. I appreciate their open mindedness.
I'd have to really think about this for a long time in order to make a real decision. My first impulse is to shy away from any type of "cataloging" myself into a certain religion. And, thank goodness...no one is asking me to do so. I'm just thinking that Z will eventually ask questions and I'd like to be able to give her some educated answers.
I'm already feeling too heavy. Less heavy blogs to come...
Friday, October 15, 2010
As part of my month of learning new things...I Netflixed a tv documentary series: Art: 21. Art in the 21st Century. It deals with what inspires a particular artist to create a certain piece. It includes works by several contemporary artists. In my journey to find inspiration...I thought this series would be a great way to see what inspires others. So far, it's kind of PBS-y, but I like that.
Behind me, Z is trying her first Kraft single...and she seems to enjoy it! She's not a fan of macaroni and cheese however. hmmm.
More to come on Art. If I see something really inspiring, I'll try to post it.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Today, Oprah did a show about being "normal"--whether our odd ways of living were shared by others. Pretty much mine was considered normal, but I wanted to be a little more diverse. I may have to start cleaning my house naked. Speaking of that, Regis and Kelly say that not seeing your spouse naked is odd. Hmmm. Well, I will say that J and I are not paraders. I can walk around in my underwear, but totally naked? I don't think I've ever been THAT comfortable...even with myself. My little sister...she's amazing. She's TOTALLY fine naked. She's naked a lot. She will have a conversation with you in the buff. I always envied that quality. I'm comfortable in my sexuality. I have no issues there. It's just my body I guess. Is that possible?
I have a friend who sleeps naked. She always has. I have to wear underwear, but I will say that I don't mind being naked in bed. The sheets feel good. Jason is a fully clothed sleeper. He's just not one to sleep even partially naked. Most of the time he's working late and he doesn't want to think about anything but climbing into bed---fully clothed...in work pants and button down. That's pretty damn tired.
Some parents have "naked time" for their kids. Is this normal? One parent has one night where her daughter sleeps with no undies so that she can "air out." Uhh...can someone comment this???
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I am slow to learn. Not book wise, but socially. I matured late, it seems to me. I watched my friends go through things that I wouldn't go through until years later. There are some that are born wise. I'm in awe of those people. I can look back in my life and see that they were always wise...even in high school. That's amazing. Wise to me means that they can tap into what the world is really about...not what pop culture creates. They always walked their own road. They looked toward the future. I went through life until my early 30s seeing just past my nose. Understanding how your actions today will affect your future is such a great lesson. Knowing what you are and are not ready for in your life...another great lesson. I've always looked to others to find my way--that's kind of messed up, right? Anyway, I've decided to start another blog that deals with all of this. A place where I can post stories, poetry, music and pictures of women who inspire me. I think it will be a great place of reference for me and for Zoë. It's still under construction, but once it's underway, I'll share.
I never took a Women's Studies course in college. I wish I had. Again, I had no vision of my life or what I might really want to do with it. But, we all have the chance to start again. We can reinvent ourselves. That's exciting! Here are a list of women who reinvented themselves later in life...
Phyliss Diller became a comedian at the age of 37. She was told by many club owners that she was "too old" to become a success.
Julia Child didn't even learn to cook until she was almost 40 and didn't launch her popular show until she was 50.
Elizabeth Jolley had her first novel published at the age of 56. In one year alone she received 39 rejection letters but finally had 15 novels and four short story collections published to great success. Mary Wesley was 71 when her first novel was published.
Laura Ingalls Wilder began writing as a columnist in her 40s. Contrary to a belief begun by the TV series about her family, the popular Little House books weren't written when she was a young girl at all. They were written and published when the 'girl' was in her 60's.
(This is a great little website that has a great list of late starters.)
Recently I saw JK Rowling on Oprah...pretty inspiring.
(here's part 1...you can find the whole show on YouTube.)
Monday, October 11, 2010
What a douche.
I almost have no words for this asshole. I really want to rant...but I won't. I just keep shaking my head.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
God seems to be pretty popular this week in pop culture. Glee, The Daily Show and Oprah have all dealt with the question of God. Jason and I talked about it a bit...he's pretty much agnostic. I understand that. I also have a friend who recently told me she's an atheist. I understand that, too. I've never been religious. I feared hell as a child. Jason doesn't believe in hell. He's pretty resolute about that. I think my belief in it is ingrained in me. I'd love to be wrong. If anything, it's a conversation--the belief in God. Most of my friends are Christians. I grew up in a very God fearing community. Everyone went to church on Sunday for the most part. There were a lot of Catholics in my class. I dated a couple later--Catholics, not guys in my class. I'd say...it was hard for me. The guy I dated in my late twenties is VERY Catholic. Wow. And, sadly, as much kindness as he could show me, he had a part of him that could hate people for no good reason. His family...again, as kind as they could be to him...weren't so kind to me. We were trying to be serious, but my non-Catholic status kept us from really getting anywhere. (Well, that and a hundred other things) Unfortunately, my experience in that relationship really tainted my view of "good Christian folk."
In my experience...the most religious are the most judgmental. Now, there are exceptions, of course. Usually, for some reason, I've found more women that are less judgmental, but that could be because I have good friends. But, I've also found that some atheists seem to find themselves superior and that the "believers" are ignorant pawns. The movie, Religulous" was very condescending. I feel that Bill Maher goes too far. If you don't want to believe, then don't. But, I think it is wrong to make people who follow a religion out to be ridiculous. I do find some ignorant, but mostly for blind hated against others.
I struggle with the "Christian" stance on homosexuality. That alone really keeps me from looking into finding a Christian church that works for me. I find when people start talking about it...it immediately turns me off. The "I would never be mean to someone who was gay, but I don't believe in their lifestyle." Ugh...vomit. So holier than thou.
Another turn off is the idea that people of the Jewish faith will not go to heaven. I remember my freshman year at KU when a girl came to my friend's room to convert her to Christianity. She's Jewish. She told her that she would go to hell if she didn't believe Jesus was the son of God. Wow. That nipped that in the bud for me. I can't tolerate that kind of ignorance. It pains me to hear such things. You know what though...I guess I'm a hypocrite because I feel that way about most "Christians." The judgmental lifestyle isn't much for me either. The arguing inside churches, yuck. (Yes, I know many churches don't have inner battles, but I've known 2 in the past year.) The "if you don't believe in Jesus you're going to hell" thing REALLY annoys me.
I haven't addressed The Bible. I will first start out and say I haven't read the whole thing. But, when I used to read in it, I found most of it to be full of great lessons. I think it's a nice piece of literature. I don't take it literally, but many do. It's an old book. It's been republished many, many times. It's been reinterpreted many times. It has some great things in it. I was never taught that it was something to base my life on. I'll let Z decide that for herself. More importantly than if you believe in The Bible or not, is what you DO believe! (I like Kevin Costner's answer in Bull Durham, but I'll list my own.)
This is what I believe--today.
* I believe that there is a higher power and why not call it God.
* I believe in the soul.
* I believe in kindness and compassion.
* I believe in keeping an open mind.
* I believe in angels.
-my friend Carrie told me about an angel that visited her before she died and I've held on to that story as my proof since then.
* I believe that Jesus lived and was a wonderful teacher.
* I believe that homosexuals are born homosexual. Yes, God made them that way. (thank God!)
* I believe proof of God is found in nature...and in the fact that we all have individual souls.
* I don't believe any one religion is wrong. I believe that God is found anywhere--not just with Jesus.
Now that I've alienated most anyone that reads this...I just wanted to address these things. It's my lesson of the day. I figure, we all need to address this in our selves. People are dying all over the world because of their beliefs. It's better to know what yours are.
Ten bucks says Jason will read this and say that I should take it down...so not to upset too many people. It's not meant to upset anyone....I was just thinking about it and one day I can look back and read this. Who knows what I'll be believing then. Life has a way of changing our beliefs as we move through it.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
The results of the first comprehensive sex study in 20 years came out today. This had me thinking a lot about sex. I was surprised at some of the finding and not so surprised about others. I will say here that with my husband, I've never faked an orgasm. Actually, I think I've only faked it one time in my life. I didn't have an orgasm during sex until well into my 20s. I think that's right. My first time was at 17 with my first love. I couldn't tell you if I had an orgasm or not, I don't think so. During that time, I don't think I cared. I was young. I had no idea what I was doing. I knew that I enjoyed it and that I was in love. I didn't feel as if I was neglected in any way. Sex to me has always been somewhat of a power play. Without it, I do feel powerless in a relationship. That's not healthy is it? I rely upon it and become insecure without it. Those are my issues. I'm sure I'm not the only one. It's interesting read sex practices of others. You can look deeper into this analysis at their website:
National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior
Here are some of their findings:
- There is enormous variability in the sexual repertoires of U.S. adults, with more than 40 combinations of sexual activity described at adults’ most recent sexual event.
- Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviors and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use. Although these individuals may not be as concerned about pregnancy, this suggests the need to enhance education efforts for older individuals regarding STI risks and prevention.
- About 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm at the most recent sexual event; this compares to the 64% of women who report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event. (A difference that is too large to be accounted for by some of the men having had male partners at their most recent event.)
- Men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse; women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts and when oral sex or vaginal intercourse is included.
- While about 7% of adult women and 8% of men identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, the proportion of individuals in the U.S. who have had same-gender sexual interactions at some point in their lives is higher.
- At any given point in time, most U.S. adolescents are not engaging in partnered sexual behavior. While 40% of 17 year-old males reported vaginal intercourse in the past year, only 27% reported the same in the past 90 days.
- Adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Don't try to diagnose yourself on the internet. Well, you should, but I shouldn't. I can't find anything that matches my symptoms. You know...I really want House to be real. Aside from the fact that I can't figure this out...Hugh Laurie is hot.
I really don't think it's Lupus. I think it has to fall into some type of arthritis. Shit!!!!
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Well, I did marginally well on the Citizen's test. I realized how much I needed to brush up on my government--and my mom was my high school government/history teacher. That's embarrassing. Out of 100, I'd forgotten about a third. Gulp!
Lesson for today...the history of Rap. (HA!) It's Sunday night...just thought it would be fun. I'll get serious tomorrow.
(again, cut and paste--will someone let me know how to get a link on here? The link button doesn't work!)
Friday, October 01, 2010
What does the Arizona law do?
Arizona's law orders immigrants to carry their alien registration documents at all times and requires police to question people if there's reason to suspect they're in the United States illegally.
It also targets those who hire illegal immigrant laborers or knowingly transport them.
I found 100 sample questions and thought I'd see how well I did. Feel free to test your own knowledge. I think we should all be able to do this, right?? I'll post the questions here and then tell you my score later. (I have to get ready for a field trip with Z and Jason right now...) If you click on the question, the answer is there. (don't cheat!!)
I've already looked over some of the questions and am so embarrassed to find that I've forgotten many of these facts. This is a great place for me to start my month. Time to learn them!!
(later)ok--this is A LOT of questions!! Maybe 100 is overdoing it. Who has time to read all of these and answer? My gosh. I'm going to do my best here...but wow. I'd rather have multiple choice!