Monday, April 30, 2007


The people that come in and out of my life haunt me somehow. It's amazing how close you can become with someone and years later, they've disappeared out of your life for one reason or another. It happens to all of us. I remember them all...and I think of them. Friends that I spent every second of the day with...for years...and now we have our own lives. Every person I've met shaped me somehow. Hopefully they all know what they meant to me. Course, we were younger then...and I was not as careful with my sharp tongue. My heart was always softer than my rough exterior. I wish I had the opportunity to say I'm sorry for all of the hurt I've caused. We don't always get to do that. I hope I run into them sometime later in life. Until, I'm haunted by all of them.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Wide Open Spaces

When I drive home from work, I’m starting to see the high school kids at track practice. Warm months remind me of home…growing up and spending my afternoons after school at the track. I wasn’t a track star by any means, but I went out every year to be with all of my friends that were. They all seemed so talented where as I was just sort of there for fun. I loved track meets. I loved cheering for my friends and spending Friday nights under the stars. We’d all huddle together in our hoods…laying on each other’s stomachs and wait for events to be called. We’d swap music. Depeche Mode is BIG track memory for me. I always loved being around my friends. I miss that time of my life. High School is such a bad memory for a lot of people. They were the best years of my life. College had too much drama and heartache. High School was more or less the innocent years…you’ve just found out about love and what it can do. You’re mature enough for some things and still protected from others. All of us were still alive and looking ahead to greater things. At this age, I find myself thinking of those who’ve passed away or that I’ve just lost touch with with a heavy heart. You don’t have time to think about the past, you’re creating it. I miss the summers around home. I hadn’t had enough experience to know all that I was missing out on in the rest of the world. My entire world was in that little town. I learned to love music, boys, movies and my friends there. I miss the warm summer days driving down the country roads and spending evenings under the wide Kansas sky. It’s a strange feeling to have everything in one place. Now, my friends, my family and my heart are all scattered throughout the U.S. I’ve loved a few times since then as well. But I can remember the feelings I used to have. I can almost close my eyes and feel how my heart used to feel back then. It’s great to be able to exercise it that way. It only grows bigger…if you’re doing it right.