Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Dark Knight

We went to see it last night. I was jumpy and nervous. Every time anyone stood up, I was on guard. Every time guns went off, I scanned the audience. It was hard to enjoy the movie because I was so distracted by the shootings in Colorado. Jason said he didn't think of them at all--but Kendra and Mom were also aware as they also checked out each person that got up and walked out for whatever reason. The move was very dark. It's violent. It's depressing and very Mad Max-ish to me. Bleak. I enjoyed the last movie so much more. Maybe it was because I couldn't relax. That's possible. I'll have to take a second look.

I recommend going to see it in IMAX--and maybe during the day if you're skiddish. Maybe that would help me, too. Seeing young kids in there was disturbing to me. It is NOT for kids. It's way too dark and disturbing for that.

Is it worth seeing? Yes. It's a great story. I didn't get bored at all. Bane was slightly uninteresting and evil. But it was exciting and surprising. Anne Hathaway was great. Bale was Bale. The movie itself was the main character--if that makes any sense. I think I need another go at it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


warning. this is a therapy blog session.

i haven't found (or even looked) for a new therapist in new york. i was so fond of my chicago one--it seems as if i'd be cheating.'s hard to start over again.

having my family here is nice. watching kendra struggle with teen woes isn't. i see mysel so much in her that it's horribly frustrating. (me at that age, rather) there is so much to learn about dealing with people and dealing with ourselves. i struggle every day. i get overwhelmed with expectations of myself--of my life...what it is suppose to look like and feel like. it's hard to be at peace with it all. it's hard to feel as if you're being the best you can be. i fail most of the time. i'm quick to judge. i'm nosey. i'm easily frustrated. i'm easily fatigued. i'm always feeling as if i'm failing as a mom, friend, wife, daughter, aunt, sister. (that's a lot to fail at.) my brain won't turn off. jason came to bed and unloaded his brain into mine at 1am...and then i was awake for hours unable to shut off. i obsessed from one thing to another. why my family is messed up. why his family is messed up. why we are messed up.

i'm cleaning today for therapy. trying to create the scene of a put together person. "look...everything is in order...i'm so organized and figured out."


I need to read something...or get more sleep. I need something else to do with my brain.

Friday, July 13, 2012

too complicated.

It's been a long time.
I've been busy...and on vacation. We're back now. My mom and niece are here. I'm still recovering from our Lake Placid trip. Still putting away things. Still sleepy. I think it's being pg more than anything. I'm a little cranky and a lot annoying myself. My body just won't do what I need it to do. I get tired doing a little chore and then feel like I need to lie down.

The weather is slightly hot, but I won't complain. We are cooler than most of the U.S. It's going to be 90 today. Other parts are in the 100s. No thanks. We stay inside in the AC...and I find a million things I'd like to do and then look at the couch longingly.

Could I complain more?

Lake Placid was lovely. Our place was very nice and our company was fantastic. Spending time with friends in a beautiful place...I couldn't have asked for more. I need to post some of the pics and send them to everyone.

Here's one of all of us in the boat:
 Fun, eh??

As I mentioned before, Kendra, my niece is here. She is doing a drama camp for 3 weeks. Spending time with a 17 yr old is challenging. The boys, the drama, the total distraction. She is struggling through it all. I was a disaster at 17--totally immature and had no clue about life. Now to be faced with that again is pay back. I've introduced her to Felicity and we are watching episodes each night with my mom. They really like it--of course!! I'm hoping it will enlighten K about complications in youth. However, it is just a tv show. (and a dated one at that.) Felicity didn't have a cell phone. This is a BIG difference. She didn't have FB...another problem. used to be a lot more simple.