My purse

I can't think of what to write about, so Kortney suggested I talk about what's in my purse. I suppose it could say a lot about a person...however, I switch purses constantly, so I keep a pretty light load.

1. Sunglasses
2. Umbrella (most of the time it's in the car...but I heard it's going to rain at 4pm)
3. 1/4 bag of Skittles
4. 5 different kinds of lipstick/gloss.
5. travel toothbrush (from the weekend)
6. Banana Boat sublock--30.
7. RGE and Oakmonte bills
8. a hairband
9. two moist towletts from a wings place we ate at in Buffalo last Friday.
10. my change purse
11. ipod with headphones
12. Tylenol
13. old receipts crumpled at the bottom
14. Floss.

Kind of boring...not sure you can tell too much about me. hmmm.

Tuesday

I'm forcing Spring weather today by wearing a skirt even though it's only in the 50s. The sun is out...and that's enough. It was 80 this past weekend...why can't it just stick around?? We've messed with the environment and now it messes with us.

The trees are in bloom here. I love the little white blossoms that make all the trees so pretty around here. And the flowers have bloomed outside of our apartment. Somewhere, Bambi and his friends are running around the forest talking about Spring and all that occurs--Feline will soon be in the picture. (I find it funny that I relate most things in life to a movie--as if it is a memory of my own...or a reality from my childhood.) Spring always reminds me of Bambi.

I have so much on my mind, but I can't write about it yet. Soon....

Cold

It's still cold out. And today it's raining. (As it did yesterday and the day before) However--we'll have warmer weather tomorrow, but I'm leaving. J and I are headed to South Beach with Angie and Mike. It will be nice to have a new perspective--trips always do that to me. I remember going abroad my first (and only) time. It was amazing. I was so happy. I realized how small my life was. Meaning--there's life out there!! It really is amazing when you think of ALL the different life sources out there...all living totally different lives...all breathing air...all being heated by the same sun. That's mind blowing. Plus, all the new life that is born every day! All the personalities and ideas. If the world was a place where all those ideas were used for good and not evil--what a place we could live in.

I woke up to the news of the Craig's List killer. He looks like someone I would've gone to high school with. He looks harmless. It's scary. I realize people said this of Ted Bundy...but that was before my time. This guy, Phillip Markoff, is someone I would've talked to in a bar or would've someone from who I'd ask directions. That's someone's son. That's what's awful. He was an innocent baby...who later killed someone else's innocent baby. I just don't understand. With that news and the Sunday school teacher who killed the little girl who was friends with her daughter--it makes me want to not watch the news!!

However, waking up to Matt Lauer is a great start to any day...no matter what the news.

Oh the times...they are a changin....

I have an excuse for being a bad blogger--been sick. Feeling a bit better today, but have been sleeping a lot and staying away from the computer. Struggling a bit as I write this...just wanting to retreat to my couch at home.

May will be a good month. April brought many showers, so the flowers should be up and happy. The temps should be finally getting up there too. This weekend...80 degrees!! Course, we'll be gone. We're headed to South Beach Florida with Angie and Mike. I'm looking forward to it--just hope I'm feeling better. As I was driving to work today, I felt a great sense of peace. Webster may not be everyone's cup of tea--but Jason and I are really enjoying it. It's quiet here. It's pretty. It's calming. Chicago was almost too cool for me. The hustle and bustle got to me. I really think we're going to enjoy visiting! We're going back in June for a wedding. I'm so excited to see everyone again. It's been such a long time. It's possible that the only people that will visit us are our closest of friends and family. We may have to go visit others before they'd come here. That's ok. I understand. Although--I do feel that we offer a lot and we're so close to a lot of things. Camping season is almost upon us...that's when the lack of friends here will become extremely apparent.

So many things to look forward to. I'm happy.

Put 'em up!

I hate confrontations. I'm not sure when that happened. As a kid, it seemed I thrived on them...even into my early 20s. But now, maybe it's maturity, I avoid them as long as possible. I'm horribly passive aggressive. It's not healthy. Even hours (or days) after a fight--even when things are ok--I'm still upset. The nerve I had as a kid. But I see those with no filter, that cause great interruptions at certain times and I'm immediately put off. There is a time and place for things, but usually, I avoid that time and place. I used to seek it out. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand door mats either! It's a very fine line. I love strength in women...I love when they are able to stand up for themselves. I don't do that as much as I should. That is something I definitely need to work on.

I had a mini-fight this morning and I'm still reeling from it. I just want to go home and crawl in bed.

There is a balance I need to find that will make me a strong, well spoken woman. People will know how not to talk to me and I will be able to express myself to them without my heart beating out of my throat.

Going Postal

Just a quick observation. I find myself at the post office a couple of times a week. I have to mail expense reports, etc. And no matter how long the line--it seems people ALWAYS seem to make some snide comment about the person being currently helped. For some reason, people always feel that their time is more precious than the one in front of them. It's just rude. This bugs me along with the men that give the mothers dirty looks. Kids are hanging off of them, chirping away and wondering how long they'll be there and the men just get irritated. I'm sure if these women had a better place for their kids to be, they wouldn't drag them in there. I'm just frustrated. EVERY time some asshole has a comment. I just want to yell, "And your time is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE!!!" I can't wait until I have the nerve to do it.

Kendra

I met Kendra when she was 3 days old. I had a Poloroid taken of us and I kept it in my car forever. I was instantly in love with her. I came home from college almost every weekend to see her. Ugh. I remember thinking that I wasn't sure I could have my own kids because I wasn't sure I'd love them as much. (I was 20) Today...that little girl is 14! I just can't believe it. I used to bath her in the sink with Becky--Baby Baby Bathtime. So cute. Now she has to deal with mean girls and "cute" boys. Unreal. I look forward to the woman she'll become. She loves Broadway musicals and movies--very much like her mother and grandmother. She's tall and beautiful and has braces. I would've killed to look like her in 7th grade! So many things to look forward to and experience. I envy her...and I don't. At least she'll have a very blunt Aunt to help guide her through the madness!

Walking Zombies

More people arrived in our office on Monday. More People, More Problems. I realize that's not the song, but it's my life. Everyone is very nice, but demanding. They are all over worked, over tired, (probably under paid) and dealing with hard deadlines. I feel for them. I told Wendy I felt like I was running an entire office of DDC employed Jason Vidmars. What an insane time that was for him. I realize though, that the dark circled eyes of the people around my office does not remind me of the Rochester Jason. Chicago Jason, yes. Although still a bit stressed from time to time, he no longer sleeps at work...or has 100 hour weeks. I wouldn't be able to do it. I'll never have the big bucks--I require too much sleep. I'm just wired differently. I never pulled all-nighters in college either. My friends did. I used to stay up all night at sleep overs as a kid, but I'd be asleep the entire next day--I remember feeling as if I'd wasted my weekend.

I need to be careful not to become a mother hen. However, everyone has their limit...and it seems that some companies push people to reach it not matter what. Unrealistic deadlines. I feel that's a big component.

I just heard people discussing whether they could sleep in here or not. I just can't imagine. Of course, mothers have sleepless nights all of the time--they pull the same kind of hours.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I haven't been able to write. Work has been busy (not that I'm complaining) and when I get home, I just want to be as far away from a computer as possible. Plus, I've been struggling with what to write about. I could try stream of consciousness, but maybe that would be a complete bore. I have frustrations, but that could be boring to discuss.

But I will anyway.

BIG Businesses annoy me. In my smaller offices, getting a phone, adding software to my computer, even getting a light changed was a simple process. Here, you have to call into a help desk and fill out a ton of forms for anything! I miss the days of the IT guy showing up at my desk and just installing whatever I need. Also, I'm doing it for 45 people. I'm dealing with it right now and it's making for a very long day. See, I told you it would be boring.

The Rules

1. open all candy before the movie.
2. please close your mouth when you eat popcorn.
3. It's not a place to hang out with your teen friends...go to the mall.
4. Whisper means usually only 2 people can hear what you're saying.
5. If you giggle during sex scenes, you might be too young to see them.

Went to the movies--saw Knowing. It was entertaining, but we sat next to a group of about 10 tweens. Jason and I are too polite to say something. Man, could've used either Dustin or Amanda to shut them up!!

Love Bites

Well, it's rainy today, but I feel better. Although yesterday it was sunny and 61, it's Friday today, so that trumps it.

In the news--Madonna was denied her adoption. Interesting. She's put in tons of money for building a school and towards an orphanage in South Africa. Unfortunately, that was used against her as some felt that due to those advantages, the 4 year old girl would be better taken care of. Most likely she'll fight it. I want to adopt. I wouldn't mind starting the process now. Hopefully that's something that will eventually happen.

I've been having horrible dreams. 2 nights ago I dreamt that my father died. I cried all night it seemed. Michael had told me the story of her father dying that day, that's most likely where I got that. It still spurred me to write Dad and tell him I love him. Then, last night, I dreamt about my first love, Jay. I dream about him more than any guy I've dated....probably because he created my standard of romantic love. He was so young...I was younger. I loved the fierce passion he had for me and how incredibly romantic he was. (Of course, with fierce passion can come jealousy and such, but we dealt with that.) The poems and flowers and constant crazy acts of love have been unparalleled. It might have ruined me actually. Most men aren't as romantic. (though I have run into one more who was) It sets expectations too high. At times, I do believe Jay created a monster...but I'll live with that. I'm a passionate girl. Most blame it on my movie watching, but I don't. I think it's in your blood. You are born with it. It's a gift and it's inspiring. I don't think all of that has to be because you're young--I believe it can live as long as you do. People seek it out. Whether they know it or not, I believe we yearn for it--it just makes life sweeter and more vivid. That's why The Notebook was so successful! And why there are so many movies and songs dealing with first love...passionate love...even love that is scandalous. My favorite movie has scandalous love...The English Patient. I love the passion and the torture. That sounds masochistic. However, even if K wasn't married, I would still love the movie, although, it is a lot of the plot. I loved The Notebook --as cheesy as it is. He so reminds me Jay...and watching it just takes me back. Ugh. So good!!

The one episode of Thirtysomething that stuck with me was when Hope learns of the death of her first love...it really hits her hard. She spends days thinking of how young they were and how she used to feel. All of those emotions are so strong--especially when you are discovering them. It's like nothing else. My niece is going to be 14 soon. It could happen to her in the next couple of years...wow. I'm not talk about sex, but just the overwhelming feelings she'll have. I'm excited for her.

Ok, so dreams may affect me too much.

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Time Goes By.....So Slowly!!

Last night wasn't good--hence the fact I didn't write. I do pretty well, but every now and again, it hits me. I'm horribly exhausted, I can't get off the couch to do a thing, I'm overly concerned about everything in my life and I freak out a bit about all of it. I went home and started watching all of my DVR'd shows. When I got to the second episode of West Wing, I couldn't stay awake--I think it was 9something. Dustin woke me up later to talk, I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman, but he listened and didn't make me feel crazy--but validated. I called Joan (my therapist of the past 6 years) and made an appt for today at 6pm. I haven't talked to her since we moved and it's time. I have a lot on my mind. Instead of the angel and devil on each shoulder, I just want a teeny-tiny Joan sitting on one side advising me to do each thing I question. She'd coach me during family gatherings and airplane rides, particularly. I could put her in a box at night so she could sleep. Ok, that's weird. I think I'm PMSing. (damn)

In the news...Madonna wants to adopt another baby from South Africa. People are giving her hell for it. Ridiculous. She wants another child to love and provide for, let her do it. Are there children in the US to adopt, yes. However, wherever the child is from...it doesn't matter, it's a child--a person of the world. Between she and Angelina--let them provide for as many as possible if they have the time, heart and the money. The world is struggling to provide...so who cares who does it?!!

I haven't seen any movies lately. I'm going through withdrawal.

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