Missed Connections

The weekend in Chicago was nice. The weather was perfect. The wedding, funky and romantic. It's a hard place to catch up with people though, so I was disappointed that I didn't even talk to some people...I'm more of a one on one person and in a group, unless there is a space next to someone, it's hard for me to yank someone away from a group. Plus, I got tired at about 9pm, which is pathetic and probably seemed to make me even more anti-social. A group was meeting the next day (which would've been perfect!) but we'd already made flight arrangements to leave in the afternoon. So...although fun to see people, I missed really getting to talk to them.

It seems as we get older and people spread out...the time of real connection is so limited. I am not used to that. I like to sit and talk to people about their lives and have them feel listened to. I guess I'm having an Our Town moment--"why don't we look at each other??" Everyone gets so busy...and life just takes off. I miss the times when it is slow and people are able to talk about every day things...that's where friendships are strengthened. It's hard for some to connect on the phone--though, not hard for me. My girlfriends are spread out everywhere and it just depends on if they are phone people or not. Maybe I should write a letter or something...a card...just to try another avenue. I think I will. I hate losing touch with people...it bothers me.

So, just a little shout out...Kelly, I missed talking to you at the wedding...hope you are doing well.

Get to leave early...that puts me in a good mood. We leave to Chicago tonight around 6ish. Dustin is picking us up and then off to Flat Top, YUM!!! Hopefully the weekend will be a nice one-weather wise. We're staying with Jeremy P and will spend Saturday doing whatever until the wedding. I can't wait for that! I haven't been to a wedding in a while and this one should prove to be laid back and a ton of fun. We haven't seen our friends for almost 9 months...ugh. We won't be able to make it to the burbs to see other friends...so it feels as if we're in for a secret weekend. I hate that, but there isn't time. If it weren't for the wedding, we wouldn't be coming at all. It will be a great time. I got a dress the other night...very plain, but J really liked it. He's great to shop with actually. If he likes something, he goes overboard sharing his praise...if he doesn't, he never says he doesn't, he just says, "It doesn't really do anything for me...but you still look good." That's code for, "let's look elswhere."

So, yesterday, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcet died. Unreal. I knew Farrah was close...she'd had a long battle. Michael was a surprise....and the media was all over it. It dominated most stations. He was only 50. I have a lot of thoughts about Michael...and whom others call Whacko Jacko (which I hate)--but I'm not sure I have the energy to get into it right now. I will say that he seemed frozen in time...at 10 years old...and that all of his money made him a target and untouchable. He needed thereapy--obviously. He needed to grow up...but something seemed to happen to him, not sure I want to know what would cause him to be so emotionally stunted. I don't believe he hurt anyone, I do believe he didn't understand why having friends 30 years younger was a problem. But, it was. I hope he is remembered for his music. I love his music. I hope all the rest will be outshined by all the good.

We should all try to remember the good in others...if possible, I think.

Rants

It's upsetting when something at work angers you for the entire day. I hate that. I need to Zen out and realize that it shouldn't matter. And it's dumb stuff...and it's other people affecting my mood--people I don't live with or who even think of me outside of the work day. I am easily irritated these days. Is it just part of it? I wonder.

May Sarton writes about coming into contact with other people feeling like a car crash. She, too, is too affected by other people who shouldn't. She's a terrific author...if you haven't heard of her, you should look her up.

It's pouring out. After a hot day, it's nice for it to just rain and clean the air. But, I forgot my umbrella...and I hate being wet.

Chicago

Today has been a bit tiresome, but I'm getting better. Morning sickness hit me with a vengeance today!! When the hell will it leave me alone? I ate fruit and yogurt this morning...guess baby isn't a fan. (REALLY isn't a fan!!)

I'm looking forward to the weekend...I love when you have something to look forward to that pulls you through!! We land in Chicago on Friday night and are immediately going to eat Flat Top, my fave food. I will say, although I love it here...Chicago has good food...and good people...and I'm looking forward to catching up with both.

I haven't seen my friends since I moved...and I'm emotional and I just don't want to be a FREAK and start crying when I see them. (I do this.) But, they'll forgive me, I'm sure... I do a good job of compartmentalizing things so that I don't sit around missing people. Not that I'm cold, I just am too attached and literally will work myself into a funk. But, then when I see people, it all comes rushing forward and spills out. There are worse things than people knowing how you feel about them.

Jack?

So, a man that is new to the company--yesterday in fact, just told me that I am going to have a boy. I hadn't even told him I was pregnant yet. Interesting. He said he's been 95% accurate and made over 400 predictions.

I've always felt it was a boy...but we'll find out soon enough.

House

Well, we're amidst the bid process on our house...and we hit the 2nd trimester this week. YAY! Hopefully by tomorrow noon, we'll have a new place to call home. It's an exciting time...but stressful. I feel very part of a team. Team Vidmar against the world...we're just out here making tons of a decisions -just the two of us. It's a nice bonding time for us.

My pants are starting to get tight, but I'm still under weight. I'm hoping this will be my first week without throwing up. Last week was awful...today...iffy. We'll see.

I'm so nervous about the house, I can barely think of anything else...if it works out, I'll write more and post pics!

Send good thoughts.

Slow down, you're movin' too fast....

Today is the first day this week without being sick! YAY! I feel good. We're looking at a house tonight, I'm excited. I never really thought about houses much...course, for some reason, I never thought about a family either. Growing up, I envisioned myself alone in some cool part of the world. Later, I thought about kids...yet, a husband I was still not thinking too much about. Now, with Jason and baby on the way, I am starting to piece it all together. I want the baby to grow up in a happy house...something close to nature where he/she can hear the birds chirping in the morning and the crickets at night. Being from a small town...I loved that stuff. I loved being able to see the stars and being able to safely walk around town or ride my bike. I went by the house at noon just to see the neighborhood. It's quiet with TONS of mature trees...I love it. It's hard not to put the cart before the horse...Jason slows me down quite a bit. He's slow to make decisions...thinking over everything. I'm more spontaneous...I imagine a house isn't something to make a quick leap to. I get anxious about others out bidding us...in some weird way, taking my day dreams away from me. That's ridiculous.

I need to relax...and trust that everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure I truly believe that, but the idea keeps me from beating myself up.

June 4th

So, today is our 2nd anniversary and I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Good day! AND I didn't take a nap at lunch, but instead, cleaned the apt. (This is a happy thing as well.) Of course, I'm a bit tired now, but that's ok. Jason's been working a ton lately and is exhausted. We're headed to Cleveland this weekend so we'll celebrate our anniversary next weekend. He says he has it all planned out. I'll say he has it thought out, not planned out. :) We're also looking at houses--or have started the search. Our dream house of the week was under contract, but came back on the market yesterday! YAY! So, hopefully we'll be able to pounce on it. We need to work fast though, I have a feeling it's pretty popular.

Random--the Brach's MilkMaid Royals...love those things...I just found them in the grocery store this week and am pigging out on them. I'd feel guilty but I lost 3 lbs from last month and so I need to gain some weight back. I really need to start walking! Maybe the weight loss is actually just me losing muscle. Gross.

2 years ago I was on a cruise ship. A year ago I was in NYC. Today, I'm at work. Yuck. The most exciting thing I can think of to do tonight is go see a movie. Maybe Angels and Demons...how romantic.

It's been a while

Honestly because my life has been a bit focused on other things and I didn't know how to blog about it...because I hadn't told a ton of people and because it's probably rude for people to find out on a blog rather than being told. hmmmm. I'll just say this then...I haven't blogged due to the fact that when I get home I'm immediately on the couch sleeping or trying to ignore the fact that I'm going to throw up soon. I throw up a lot...and I sleep a lot. And it's all tiring and for me to think about writing on here...I almost can't manage. Mostly because I'm a huge wimp when it comes to being sick. I hate feeling nauseous...HATE IT!! Throwing up isn't too far after. But...tomorrow will be 12 weeks and that's a mini milestone! :) YAY! Haven't thought too much in the future--except we're ready to look for a house finally. Neither of us really cared...and then suddenly, we want more space. I'm excited for all the new things to come...and will eventually start writing more regularly...eventually.