Sunday, September 27, 2015

Gone Girl (I know, awful title (and movie)--but it fit.

I went away for a long time. And really, I'm still not here. But I felt that contact needed to be made.  I am lost. I really can't even explain what that means...except that the me in me feels gone. I'm insecure and irrational and too emotional and a little bit crazy at times. Some might say that actually sounds a lot like me, but it isn't. I'm a mom now. I'm a wife now. This type of behavior or inside trauma is unacceptable to me. I will not tolerate being this fucked up. So, I've been trying to fix it. My summer was spent trying to help someone else. I do find a lot of pleasure in feeling needed. That's probably an issue as well. I'm in therapy folks, no worries. I'm trying to iron it all out. It's hard to do with your life has daily worries of clean kitchens and crumbs on the floor. It seems to tear you down when you do your best to make the day awesome and your child has a meltdown and screams at you. This is do to the great day fatigue, but it still sucks.

Is this 40? Is this me? I just seem like I'm in some weird place and my insides are balancing out with my outsides. I get the EAT PRAY LOVE thing...I could do that about now.

But if anything, I'll try to write. I'll make an empty promise of trying to stay on this...more for me than for all of you that don't read anymore. Maybe this is my attempt to throw my shit into the universe and get rid of part of it.

Feel free to share any woes you may be having...or vent...or give advice. I'm here for you. Sort of. Not really, but it might feel better to write it out.