crash into me

I've been growing into things lately. Into books, into movies, into poetry and into lyrics. I don't mean to shy away from my normal way of blogging, but lately, I find that the words I am searching for are not my own. I can't seem to find my way right now and when this happens, I always look to others to help me. So, I've called upon women folk singers to help me out. (There is actually an on-line radion station that features them.) I grew up with folk music. My mother listened to Joan Baez, Peter,Paul and Mary and Jim Croce to name a few. I listened to some Bob Dylan on a road trip recently. I've listened to the Indigo Girls for years, but I'd never really listened to Ani DiFranco. Ani is 35, my sister's age basically, so I guess I'm reaching for a voice of an older sister. She seems like someone I will cling to. So, even though I've seen her around, I was just only introduced to her today. Until I figure out how to find myself within myself, I'll continue to find comfort in others who have felt similarly. One of my favourite authors, May Sarton writes that experiencing life with others, talking about it, living it--everything...is what it is all about. She writes (I'm paraphrasing) that coming into contact with another person is literally like crashing into them...it takes so much out of you. I've always gone about life in full throttle, not realizing that I might be getting ahead of myself. Lately, although I couldn't feel it, I was too far ahead was pulled back. It seems my life is either moving too fast or not moving at all. It is a constant floor it, brake, floor it, brake motion. At times it seems like I have whiplash. I either can't hear or I won't listen. But, it's time.
These lyrics spoke to me today...so I'm documenting them. I was sitting at my desk and the words just started flowing and I finally started listening. So, for those who have known Ani, thank God. For those who were like me...

Meet Ani.

"Falling Is Like This"

You give me that look that's like laughing
with liquid in your mouth
like you're choosing between choking
and spitting it all out
like you're trying to fight gravity
on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this

Feels like reckless driving when we're talking
It's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking
But no one's going to sympathize when we crash
They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe
I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this.