Today--I've been tired. I took a shower, but then got right back into my comfy pants and a sweatshirt. Really attractive. The weekend wore me out. It was needed. We both feel that way. J said, he too has had issues concentrating today. We feel rejuvenated emotionally, but physically exhausted. DC was great. Seeing Reva sing again...I actually got choked up. I've known her since she was in jr. high. I love that she's doing what loves. I can tell it's tiring. You see movies about people who soul search and figure out what they want to do...then there's a montage of them painting, writing, whatever--and they look so full of energy and smiley! However, I feel that it must be exhausting. She sang straight pretty much for 2+ hours. She's performing...and playing...and singing...and thinking...and all at the last show of her tour. I'd drop after that. But she came out and talked with those who were so excited to see her. It meant so much for me to be there that I was at a loss for words. I think I described the performance as "good"--how awful!! I felt inspired and in love...and I couldn't come up with a damn thing to say to my old friend. I should have said, "Just seeing you up there fixed something in me that's been broken lately." But I didn't say that. Damn.
Today, I watched Breathless, the french film Dewey recommended to me. It was odd...I'd been reading some Rilke poetry (just last week!) and it was mentioned in the movie. "Rilke believed that every day life got in the way of the love of man and woman..." I'm totally paraphrasing it. But I can see the point there.
Jason and I had a lot of talk time on the road. It was good for us. We've both been struggling with some things and it was good to finally bring them to light. We love and we try...and we laugh. The laughing helps a lot. We're good friends. He's a good friend to me. He does things for me because I need them. Like driving for 15 hours this weekend to go to DC. We stayed with a friend of mine--who I dated in another lifetime, but J was fine with it. P is someone who I have history with and who knows my family...and has allowed me to grow. We only dated a brief time 10 years ago--I was extremely young and impressionable. (It was VERY much like the relationship between Steve Martin and Claire Danes in Shopgirl--but we've grown from that time.) Our friendship has done a lot for me. He's my "escape from the world" person. Many times in my life when I didn't know where else to go, he's allowed me to stay at his place, roam around DC independently and reflect on life. The fact that J is able to understand that is pretty amazing. I'd been feeling trapped lately...but J reminded me that I'm not.
In a way, this weekend was a way for J to see a part of my life that's always been just mine. I usually travel to see people alone--esp P. When Reva sang, we sat apart...just experiencing it alone. He loved it and we listened to her cd over and over on the way back. He just allowed me to do what I needed. The heavy heart I've had for the past few weeks is so much lighter now.
Tomorrow- I'll share some Rilke. I just picked up the book again and am engrossed. More to come.
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