Soak

Well, Jack is a Jill--we found out yesterday a girl is on her way. I mourned the boy for a while yesterday--he'd grown in my head. A girl...wow. Well, I definitely feel more at ease with the job. I was worried about a boy, just due to the fact that I don't know them very well and I didn't really grow up around them much. Women surrounded me mostly in my life and I'm thrilled that our girl will have so many aunties!! Today, I'm just overwhelmed at the thought of anything. I'm tired...I'm anti-social...I want to play hooky from work and go somewhere to sit and think. Not sure about what--I'm just in the mode of wanting to float. I don't want to be anywhere or talk to anyone--floating would be nice...or maybe be invisible. I've always wanted that ability. It's not that I'm depressed at all, I think I'm just the opposite. I feel overwhelmed at the information (all good) coming in and I feel as if I'm not enjoying it. I'd like to get pruney with my happy thoughts for a while.

Sex...for lack of a better word...is good.

"Love has no fear and no vengeance."--the quote on my Yogi tea bag. Yes, I am drinking tea that has caffeine! I am a bad mom. All weekend I felt somewhat paranoid about how others are viewing me..."You don't look pregnant....are you eating enough?" YES. Like I'm already a bad mother...I'm starving my child because I have a fear of being "fat." Nope...I will say that I don't have a huge appetite, but I do eat enough. I take my vitamin...and I'm sleeping as much as I can. Today, I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping extremely well at night. I keep freaking about how I'm sleeping...am I cramping the baby? It's annoying.

We had a long weekend of in law bbq's. It went fine, although I kept sitting down and not moving. I also wasn't as social as I should have been...AND I had a bit of an oops by telling some young ladies the advice my mother gave me growing up-- in front of my mother in law--"my mom told me not to get married until you're at least 30 (which she was fine with...). She also said you should sleep with them first. (she didn't like that so much.) Oops. I wasn't talking to any virgins that I know of at the time. Maybe she was upset because one of the girls is sleeping with her youngest son--she's not thrilled about that. I wasn't encouraging teen sex! I was encouraging sex before marriage...that's different.

Least to say, I'm not sure I was a huge hit.

I saw a film today...oh boy...

The Today Show had "lost footage" of the 1984 MJ Pepsi commercial where his hair caught on fire...it was awful. "They" say that is when his life turned for the worse. The pain he must have felt...seems it turned him on to prescription drugs. I had a burn on my hand in college and it was one of the worst pains I've ever had. I can't imagine if it was on my scalp. Just awful. It's something each day...he died on June 24th, I think...and it's going to be weeks and weeks of news.

Speaking about another thing that I've been thinking about this week--Jason and I witnessed a duck being hit on Saturday. It was pouring rain on Jackson road and the car didn't see the little guy. I turned around and saw him fluttering around while his 7 bros and sisters came out to help him--this caused me to literally fall apart and I bawled for a good 15 minutes. Jason (my hero), got out in the rain and moved the duck out of the road to safety. He stood by him to see if he was ok and I called around to different animal hospitals to see if they could take him--to no avail really. I did get a hold of one lady who said to put him into a box. The duck regained consciousness and waddled (pretty quickly) across the street into some bushes. Jason and I went home, found a box and came back to see if we could help him further. Jason was soaked through...and very concerned about mr. duck. (this is an image I will file away to tell his child) When we got back, the lady who owned the property said that she'd raised the ducks since they were ducklings and she'd watch after him.

We talked about mr. duck for the rest of the weekend...wondering if he was ok. It's sad to see something so helpless. But on a happier note, it's great to see the guy you love go above and beyond what most people would do. What a fine guy I have.

This weekend is blueberry picking time!! I'll try to get some good picks. I need a nice blueberry muffin recipe!

Makes me want to scream...

The news is still swirling around MJ. Unreal. I taped the funeral, watched it and cried. I guess some would say it is odd to feel so much emotion for someone you didn't know. I remember finding out when Princess Diana died. I immediately started bawling...I remember as a little girl watching her get married. I was 6 I think. It's the loss of a certain presence in the world that is sad to me. The music of MJ will live on, but there will be no more new music. Dustin and I discussed how we'll deal with the loss of Reba or Paul. (It won't be pretty.) This may seem totally ridiculous to some, but Paul McCartney has been a constant in my life for a long time. At times, The Beatles music/movies was the only thing that could raise my spirits. Am I worshipping them? I don't think so. They've always just been my thing...somewhere I could go to feel better. It has changed over the years. As a teen, I was a bit obsessed. Now, I have other things in my life that make me happy just as much...but the idea that Paul is out there is comforting. (ok, maybe this does sound a bit odd...)

The point I'm trying to make is that so many felt that way about Michael...I love his music and I never believed the crap--just felt sorry for him, it was obvious he needed someone to take care of him. The fact that he's leaving such young children is heartbreaking. Will these kids ever have normal lives? The press will surely follow them just as much. Hopefully they will be surrounded by family and loved.

I'm tired today...had to snooze a bit at lunch and it made my lunch run long...oops. No one really seemed to notice. Baby is sucking up all of my energy. My ultrasound was changed, so now I find out on July 29th as to whether baby V is a girl or boy. If it is a boy, I'm sure I'll hear the hoops and hollers from Cleveland all the way here. :)

A Love Supreme

Finally! A baby bump appeared over the weekend! It seemed to grow overnight. It was the mountain air!! We spent the long weekend in the Adirondacks. I could live in Lake Placid. I loved the town. Not sure what I would do for a job...maybe work in a bookstore. Jason could work from home...

I'm exhausted today! Last night I got home, took a shower and crashed. When will the fatigue end? Mandi called today...she's having a boy!! I find out in 3 weeks. I can't wait. I feel like it's a boy, not that I know what that feels like...but it's just a feeling.

It's been raining every day for days. It makes the trees very green and the flowers stay pretty,but man...it gets tiring. The mountains were rainy and cool--still beautiful. It didn't affect our stay at all. Having a cabin helped. I love to tent, but worrying about tent leaks are a pain.

I can feel the baby move now. That is a crazy feeling! It's like they are wanting to communicate with you somehow. Baby V likes Michael Jackson songs I found out...and John Coltrane. Good taste.