The weekend was a nice one. I spent Saturday in Boston, NY with Lisa and her family. Her two little girls were with her. It's surreal to see her with her kids, knowing I have one coming. Seeing your girlfriends become mothers...girls you spent so much time with just being girls. All the history you have with someone. I'd seen my friend Erica earlier in the week and it was the same experience. I still see the girl I knew and they are some one's mom!
Speaking of being a mom--I keep having mini freak outs about it. I worry that I'll be too stern...that I won't remember what it was like to be a kid. Actually, my problem would be that I would remember too much and be overly concerned about what she does. (I know what I did) Jason was such a good boy...I can see him being more relaxed. I'm very aware of my past mistakes and annoyances--I don't want her to go through the messes I did. I was slow to mature...slow to realize how to take care of things...or how to be truly a good friend. I learned so much from the women who are now mothers...fitting.
I'm working on being more calm, not letting little things set me off. I've become so uptight since I've been married. I wonder why that is? It's almost like I have a vision of what I'm suppose to be and I'm cramming myself into that. I don't like that model. I need to just be who I am. Jason married me for ME...not for someone he thought I'd turn into.
I have a lot of soul searching to do. I'm excited for what I might find. I just started reading Maya Angelou's book, "Letter to my Daughter" and find it really helpful. I just want to be in some sort of weekly meeting with wise women talking about all the lessons they've learned. Maya has some good points that I'll need to remember.
1 comment:
You will do great.
And I have so much more to say but it would be better said in person or with more time behind it. But you are going to be brilliant.
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