I've been reading other blogs. I normally steer clear because I find they could intimidate my writing my own. That's stupid. Kortney told me that there are some I'd like, so I went to look. I realized that people cuss in their blogs. Why don't I? I cuss all of the time. I'm trying to calm it down because of Z but that's how I talk. I say fuck a lot. I say shit, but mostly fuck. I don't blog how I talk. It's not my true voice. I need to grow a little here. Let's get real. I also don't blog my true thoughts about things a lot of the time for fear of hurting feelings. Who fucking cares? It's not like anyone outside of 3 other people really knows who I am--or knows who I'm talking about. I'm too safe. I'm tired, it restricts me. Blogging is supposed to be about freedom. At least it was to be that for me. It's not suppose to be another place where I try to make everyone happy. You need to save that game face for family gatherings! God...my family. Sigh. I love them but I feel like an alien a lot of the time. I look a lot with squinted eyes and a cocked head thinking, "really??!!!"
I'm tired and need to sleep. I'm up because I'm having anxiety about my trip home. This is bullshit! God, I need to get over this. I'm 35. I'm a mom now. I'm suppose to have super fucking powers now.
1 comment:
This just about sent me over the edge from almost-crying to really-crying. You and I are so much alike! In my post tonight I was actually saying how I feel like an alien.
We need to visit again.
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