Mother Nature

Today wasn't much better with my attempt to decompress. I'm still wrecked for some reason. I met a new friend today. She's the mother of a friend. She lives in Rochester with her husband. They raised 4 children. It was nice to talk to someone...and know that everyone has problems. Every family has some sort of issue. I'm exhausted. Every time I lay down, I keep thinking about past events and future scenarios. I can't control anyone. That is hard for me. I want to play my family like little pawns--as if I know what is best for each one. Today, I wanted released. I wanted to barricade myself in my house--in this life and just focus on my own happiness. However, it seems to be tied with theirs.

When things seem to be so clear to you and not to others...it's just so frustrating. Heartbreaking. Tiresome.

I need to unpack. Put my things away. Put my house back together. Make it look like the picture I need it to be--then it will at least look normal. Until the cold wind stops outside my door, I can't even find refuge int he park down the road. I look forward to long walks in the outdoors...feeling the sun on my face and body...the warmth will feel like a hug. I'll feel as if I'm healing somehow.