A little soul healing.

There are days when I'm overrun with emotion it seems. Today is one of those days. I spend my time feeling thankful and thoughtful. Jason is gone for a few days on business. When he's gone I always feel grateful for him. He hates being away from the little girl. (Well, me too, but esp her) He struggles with the life he misses while he has to work. It's difficult to feel that the job you have to do to keep your family afloat is the one thing that takes you away. Ugh. We all seem to struggle with how we spend our time.

I've had a few phone conversations with girlfriends lately that have me thinking. They are stay at home mommies as well. I think that you can't help but to wonder what other paths you might have taken. It doesn't mean that you don't love your family--but sometimes watching others pursue their careers and take their hobbies to new heights can be depressing. I think it's just the time we're having right now. The "child rearing" stage. We have little ones that need constant attention now, but in the future our time will open up and we'll be able to look into more things. I write some and listen to my books. That helps. We focus on missed opportunities or what we should have studied...or where we should have moved...several things. I'm trying to make each day something I enjoy. This is VERY difficult. The dishes and the picking up of clothes and cleaning bathrooms starts to drag you down. At least it does for me. But, it's life. And all of it must be done. Baking is nice. Just making things for people. (since I can't sew) It's a way to create. Sending out the perfect thoughtful card or gift is nice. (That is rare, but it happens.) I'm not a "giver" naturally--I'll admit I'm normally a "taker." I think this comes from being a product of divorce. (Although it can go either way) I feel like I have to take or I will get overlooked. It's an immature feeling. I have to consciously think about what I can do for others. I have to make sure that I'm not so deep into my own thoughts that I forget about what others go through. I'm getting much better as I age.

I digress--the point is that yes, there are missed opps and hurt feelings and too many what if's in life. This is what hobbies are for. (Here is where you think, yeah...I don't have time for a hobby--but I'm thinking when you do have time.) If you couldn't be a marine biologist, then maybe later take up scuba diving and take a trip specifically to do that. (Here's were you think, yeah, I don't have money for that--then watch underwater documentaries.) Make it a passion that you plan around. I always wished I had done something in movies--not an actor, but behind the camera. Hence that fact that I watch my film documentaries and try to learn about film theory, etc. I won't be able to study at the Actor's Studio to learn directing or screen writing--but I can find things on line to help me learn. So we didn't go down a certain path--oh well. We can still take journeys that fulfill that desire to know. Life can be and is disappointing. Meaning that we all are let down about one thing or another. People let us down as well--but that's a whole other blog. Trying to find ways to feed your soul is the best thing I can think of to get through it. There are always excuses...why not find any way possible to feel good??

As for people...I've recently made an effort to surround myself only with people who build me up. The rest is garbage.