Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Beautiful.






Today, I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Jason is gone and I needed to get out of the house since yesterday I seemed a bit down and laid around all day waiting on something to happen. I found a theatre that had stadium seating. I'd never been there before, but the usual theatre I go to has horrible seats and I knew that I'd be sitting for close to 3 hours. I thought I'd be alone, but at the last minute, a man came in and sat a few rows behind me. The movie was captivating. I love going alone. I love just sitting and not worrying if the person next to me is having a good time. I didn't even think about the time. The story gulped me up and I was just entranced. There's something about Brad that has you waiting on him to be beautiful. It doesn't come for quite some time, but when he finally hits the screen in all of his current glory, it's like a breath of fresh air. I forgot he was Brad...the actor, but I was fully aware of his face and was happy to see it. Cate was beautiful throughout. It was easier to see her age. When Brad and Cate "meet in the middle" of life and start their affair...I realized that I'm at that stage right now in my life. Jason and I will probably never look better. I often stare at him...he's so beautiful to me. I realize I will watch him age...his face will start to wrinkle and his back will begin to bend. I decided to print out as many pictures of him and put them into a book. I just want to remember this time in our lives...I want to remember us as young people. When I see pictures of my parents when they were younger, it's surreal to me. Seeing my father in black and white...with no lines around his eyes...there's just something about it that makes me feel as if I missed something. Our memories of people are all we have. Pictures capture a single moment in time you'll never see again. It's magical in a way. One day, Jason's children will laugh at his beard or his goofy smile. But when they see the pictures again as adults, they will realize he was young once...just like them and they will instantly feel a connection with him they didn't have before.

I cried at 3 separate occasions in the movie. It was heartbreaking to a point. But it also was so moving...the realizations you have about life. The fact that you are never too old (or too young) to start over...or to just start in general. I loved it. I wonder if the man behind me liked it. When the credits rolled, I stretched and slowly exited the theatre. I looked back to see him gathering his coat. We'd witnessed this wonderful story this afternoon --just the two of us. I felt oddly bonded to him.

There something about having the movie experience alone that is almost spiritual. That may sound nuts...but for a girl who rarely finds herself in church, it seems very close to the same experience. I've learned to be one of my best friends. As long as there is a movie theatre...I'm never lonely or alone.

1 comment:

Jen said...

You are SUCH an amazing writer.