it's snowing, big flakes...cold and pretty, like me.

So, the birthday was good. Lots of phone calls, lots of texts and emails. Makes me feel loved. Michael came over. Always an experience. She cooked for us and had lots of stories that were weird...as usual. I like her spark and her true sense of self...she is not a follower. She does talk about herself a lot. I guess I do too, isn't that what this damn blog is all about?

Z is sleeping in her swing. The scene outside is beautiful. The deer visited last night to wish me a happy birthday. nice of them. i was in a good mood yesterday until the evening came upon us...then i was horribly tired and worn out. today, i'm tired and worn out but hopeful. i filled out some of Z's baby book. I'm going to journal. Then I'm going to hold my baby for a long time. I feel guilty when she's in the swing sometimes. Like she needs to have human contact at all times. I feel as if she's lonely and she doesn't know it.

Mandi called last night and made me laugh out loud. Talk about someone who has a good energy about her. She's dealing with horrible sleep deprivation and is still funny. I love her. She told me some damn funny stories about falling asleep during feedings, which I've never done. She was shocked at this. I've never even come close to doing that. Huh. I think, again, it's because I only have one child. Multiples might kill me. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT???? It's amazing to me. My head hurts already...and I only have one head to hurt. I can imagine you folks that have up to 4 kids...that's insane. You probably have many heads hurting. I know have 3 friends with 4 kids. Holy shit. You know who you are....that's just nuts. Good for you. You'll have fantastic holidays later. You'll have The Family Stone holidays. I love that. Big, fun, interesting adult children.

Z may need a sibling. I keep thinking about it. At 35...hmmm. This needs to happen sooner than later. Scary. I wish I had more time. I wish she could be about 3 before we start trying, but I don't think I have that much time. UGH!!!

Keep dreaming about ex boyfriends. What's that about???? I'm happily married...and dream some crazy stuff. Interesting.

Spending the weekend in a hotel with J and Z. He arranged the whole thing. Spa treatments and all. Even laminated a really pretty invitation and agenda. So cute and thoughtful. I wish I had a girlfriend to go with me. I'm already looking forward to heading to the room after to see my hot husband and adorable baby waiting for me with yummo food!! Then, to sleep in a big bed with comfy sheets and pillows and not have to cook. ahhhh.

Baby is stirring. Time to hold her and be in awe.


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