A little mush to start the weekend.

Last night, Z woke up and was awfully upset. She wasn't crying, but it was clear she wasn't happy. She'd fallen down a bit in her positioner and was stuck. (She wasn't in any real danger in case you want to turn me into child services.) In my middle of the night brain, I felt she was probably frightened and didn't have the heart to put her back in her bed so I made J move over and she laid down by me. For a long time she needed to hold both of my hands. She's really into hand holding. I laid awake with her holding both of her hands until she drifted to sleep. As I laid there, I thought of the times when I used to sleep with my own mother. I slept in her bed for a year or two after the divorce. It was comforting to both of us, I think. I was six. I have such special memories of crawling in with my grandparents when I stayed with them as well. I'd come in in the morning and we'd all laugh and talk in bed together. My father wasn't much on that. The warmth his parents had and my mom have just isn't there when it comes to crawling into bed when you're scared or want to say good morning. I can't wait until Z can come in in the mornings and jump into bed. I know Jason will be up for it. He's so sweet with her. I can't imagine this man ever saying no to her. Oh, she'll be spoiled for sure. It's just a loving feeling...being close to your mom when you don't feel good or when you're scared. You feel so secure. Even now, I know my mom wouldn't turn me away if I asked to sleep with her. There's something about that that just makes you feel loved and cared for...and you're just closer. I hope Z feels secure and loved as much as she possibly can. She's brought so much to our lives already. I've felt for a long time that J had a little piece of his heart that needed to be filled...and she does the job. I know he'll never be the same now. He glows when he's around her. My father was never like that. He's proud of me now I believe...but I don't think I melted his heart.

It's a bit mushy today folks! Just night thoughts I wanted to share.