I'm writing just to post something, anything. 90% of the time, I sit down and have no idea what I'll end up writing about. Tonight, I watched the series finale of LOST. I'm still thinking about it--but I really found it touching. I will expand on those thoughts later, but I need a night to sleep on it.

Just watched Julia Roberts on Oprah. I need to finish Eat Pray Love. I started reading it...I think it was the wrong time of my life. It might be the right time now. I have to connect to a book in some way to enjoy it. That's strange. At least now...in my "searching" part of life. I've been searching forever it seems. What am I looking for? The easiest answer is "myself." With each year, I feel as if I get closer, but I'm still waiting to feel a certain way about myself. I can't explain it. Something is missing. I'm afraid of failure...and of not finishing things. My idea for my book, for example. Why don't I just start working on it?? Probably because its completion relies on others to help. I worry that no one will have the time to be a part of it and it will just be something that no one returns to me. It's a compilation of things. It's sort of a study of women. My idea at least starts with a mailing to a lot of the women in my life to fill out. But, it'll take time and thought. Most of my friends don't have this luxury--they are too busy with work or children or both.

Maybe if I just started the composing of the mailing, it would help. hmmmm.

Z went to bed like an angel tonight. I can't figure out what the magic trick is. What am I doing right?

I'm off to find that book now. I have too many books that I haven't read in my home. It's filled with them really. I was thinking about that, too. One day, Z is going to say, "Mommy...we have LOTS of books in our house! Which ones did you read?" I need to have a good answer.

I'll start tonight.