It's Complicated.

It's Friday night. We grilled (sort of--used the GF grill). We ate and then we had baby baby bath time. Z has been a nightmare about going to bed lately. Tonight, as if she'd known I'd been bad mouthing her to my girlfriends, she fell asleep on our bed at 8ish and was easily moved into her own room. She's still crashed out. We took a long walk in the sun today, maybe that helped.

Tomorrow we are getting our new dining room table delivered. I can't wait. We've had our pub table since Chicago and it is just too tall to enjoy. It doesn't fit a family. My God how my life has changed. I'm excited about a table.

This week rekindled my love of Facebook. I found an old friend from college that I've spent a lot of time thinking of since we stopped talking over 10 years ago. It was your basic boy meet girl, boy and girl become inseparable friends for over a year, they kiss, they do more and it ruins it. I've regretted the loss of that friendship ever since. Another lesson to teach Z. If you find a soul mate kind of friendship and you're not sure about the romance part...stay away from it. You can love someone deeply without it being romantic love. That's a tough one to learn at 19. Growing up in a small town, you don't get a lot of experiences that make you ready for college friendships with boys. You think every boy has to be something romantic eventually. Wrong.

I had a similar case in Chicago. This is an interesting story. The person I'm writing about is probably reading this too... Anyway, I met a boy who had that same soul mate friendship thing going on. This one was more complicated though. Although I knew he was gay, I didn't really care. He was wonderful, funny, hot, adorable, smart, bright and loved to sing all the same songs as me! We used to spend the night together and wake up singing Harry Connick Jr. We cuddled and just were crazy about each other. I remember sitting in his living room and thinking, "THIS is why I moved to Chicago...this friendship." Ugh...I love him still. Obviously nothing happened there. Another lesson in "you can't choose the people you love, you just love them."

With Jason...I remember thinking how much I felt I had in common with him. I adored him. I was dating his roommate at the time...(man! I love complications!!) He was sweet and hot and gave really great hugs. I crushed on him for a long time. At first it was harmless...and then it wasn't. Now, I'm married to my crush. I still feel it. I see him and think, "my gosh, HE'S my husband...he's so hot and kind and smart and yummy." It's sick really. I love it.

Open your heart. It doesn't pay to ever get jaded...the highs and lows of love are what make life worth it. (you know i'm talking to you...)

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