I have horrible control issues.

Well, the evening was fine. The salads went over well. I wasn't thrilled with the meatloaf. Z was too tired for a guest and cried a lot when Dan tried to make her smile. I found myself apologizing for her reactions. Ridiculous. She's a baby and her reactions are what they are. It's almost like I feel responsible for her actions. Even at 7 months, she has free will. We all do. We have free will to do anything we want. We can use it to make the world a better place or make our little daily worlds miserable. I need to remember that I am in control of how I feel about my life. I can focus on the negative or I can see what great things happen around me each day. I can't control anyone else. I can't program people to do what I want them to do. I wish I could sometimes. My life can seem like an engine of some sort. When all of the parts aren't functioning correctly, I get angry. I have a hard time with the "oil" part of it. Oiling joints isn't my strong suit. My mom is a MASTER. I watch her oil different areas of her life to help them run more smoothly. She's selfless at times. I think I rebel against it. I'd like to control her life as well. That's a struggle I have. The feeling that I know what's best for people. I don't. I see how I would do things, but that isn't exactly what would make them happy. I need to work on so many things. I seem as if I'm this angry girl lately. Angry that everyone isn't happy. Angry that I can't do anything about it. I can't control their choices, I can't control how much they work, how much they don't work, how much they love or see how good their lives are. I think every person needs to have a Christmas Carol night. Everyone. Everyone needs to be visited by the 3 ghosts. Everyone needs to see how they affect others...and how it will affect their future. I'm not saying everyone is nasty as Scrooge. Maybe I should go more with the Frank Capra example. It IS A Wonderful Life, isn't it???

I realize this blog is FULL of hidden meanings and that I'm not addressing anything in particular--I apologize. I'm protecting the innocent.

Think about the three ghosts today...or think about Clarence-either way. I think it can be a good way of seeing how your life is playing out thus far. But mostly, if you don't understand either reference...find the movies and watch them.