Everything is Illuminated

Today, I tried to do "normal" again. Every day, I try to get a shower in...it keeps me from feeling down I find. I didn't get one until late in the day and by then, the blues had grabbed hold a bit. Z is very active and pretty cute. She's crawling here and there and putting her in the safe environment, aka CAGE, seems cruel, but I did it. Today, I did it as I watched a Meryl Streep movie. I looked through magazines and watched Zo' find fascination in the most simple things. Life is good...but it seems to have a cloud over it today. Jason suggested we go to the gym tonight. We've had our memberships for gosh, 2 months now, but I haven't been yet. My family was here for a long time and we traveled all over this summer. It was my first time putting Z in a daycare setting. She was fine, I was nervous. I did the treadmill for 10 mins and then wandered around. I stretched here and there, but never really broke a sweat. After 30 minutes, I went to get her. I'll get better. I need to go to the gym each morning. She needs to be around other kids and I need to get my body into some sort of shape.

At the moment, the sky is starting to get dark, but it has enough light to cast shadows everywhere. The ground almost looks black. The outlines of the trees are black. My heart is heavy.

I'm going through a phase where I am escaping into lives that I'm so far removed from. (I hate ending with prepositions) Anyway, I watch Flipping Out, The Rachel Zoe Project and Project Runway. I'm also going through all of my mags and ripping out fashion icons and amazing clothes. I'm decorating my closet with the covers of Vogue, Harper's Bazaar and Interview. It seems shallow, I know. I just want to be surrounded with pretty people, amazing places and cool photography. I want to be transported into another world. I love being mommy, but I think I could have been a great PA to a stylist or on a movie set. I'm drawn to the places that take me out of my head. I'd worry about me a little if this was new for me. But, I've been this way my entire life...guess I'm not going to grow out of it.

This is one of the covers in my closet. I love it. SJP looks beautiful and mystical in the blue haze of the Brooklyn Bridge.