Missed opportunities

So, I know it seems that I'm depressed and too reflective, but it's not true. I'm reflective...it's fall...and I get reflective in the fall. Seeing the leaves turn and fall to the ground makes me think about past lives. It's a tricky thing to think about. I love my life now and I love where I am and who I am with. Yet, the nagging of my inner being persists. I don't feel nearly as interesting as I'd like to feel. I know the steps I need to take in the short term. They are hard for me. Ok, I need to stop watching so much damn TV. I need to read more. I need to get outside at least once a day for a walk. I need to write more about things I'm learning about rather than things I regret. So, October is going to be my "things I learned today" blog. I'm enrolling myself into a class of Wikipedia and Internet searches while Z sleeps. I'm going to write down a list of things I'd like to learn more about or just know in general and research them for one day. My mind is starting to wilt. I can feel it. The weather is going to be beautiful and inspiring and it's time to be out in it! I had choices in the past...to either go the easy route or go the route that would make myself more interesting. I chose the wrong path several times. I did move to Chicago- a plus. I moved to Cincinnati for a short time- a plus. I hung out with smart and amazing people--good choice! I married intellect and kindness (and he just happens to be hot...but that was a bonus)--good choice! But all that has to do with the outside self. Now, I need to make some internal choices. I need to start beaming from the inside out. Right now...I feel dim. I hate it. I don't want Z to detect it, so I need to nip it in the bud now. I can't stand whining and I am doing it a lot. Time to stop.