2011 will be a better year.

Tonight we welcome 2011. A new year. I love the opportunity to reflect and look ahead. I have so many things I'd like to see come to fruition in the new year. Most have to do with my inner self. I'm constantly trying to find ways to become a better me. One of the things I could do is to stop looking backwards and regretting things I can't change and focus on how I want to live the rest of my life. How do I want to affect those who come into contact with me? We all have those friends in our lives who energize us and make us feel happier to be around them. I want to be one of those people. I feel that I've used up my years of being judgmental and sarcastic. It's time to be more positive and motivating. Smile more. Laugh more. See the bright side. Life is so full of things that drag us down--it's not easy to trudge through when we encounter horrible losses. It's hard to understand why bad things happen. It's hard to wonder if we could have done something more in certain situations. However, you CAN do something. Learn. Try again. Move through it. I've seen a lot of sadness this year in my life and in the lives of others. It is hard to comfort those who are so bereft. Some don't want to feel better it seems. (This used to be me.) Feeling better and trying to move on doesn't make what you went through any lesser of an experience. It doesn't come across to others that you didn't care. It's survival. It's being better for yourself and for those around you. It is true that you can become stronger after great loss.

2011 is a year for being stronger and better and happier than you've been before. You can break the mold you've created for yourself. You can change how you feel about anything! You can become brighter and you can learn as many new things as you can fit into each day. I want to feel differently about things. I want to be more cheerful. I want to lose some of the armor I wear each day in order to not get hurt--and just be present. I want to be better. I want Z to see me as a positive force in her life.

It sounds like I got high before I wrote this...but I swear, it's just me...wanting to change.