Today I feel so helpless and unsettled. I hate this feeling. I've recently stopped taking my anti-depressant. I wonder if that could be it? I found out two of my dear friends lost their father last night. I can't be with them. They are hurting and not reaching out much. I wish I were closer to them. Hopefully, I'll see them in March.
I've been thinking a lot about Heaven lately. I'm not sure Jason believes it exists, but I always have. Even when I doubted many things...I've never doubted that I would see my loved ones again. I think about the people who've passed away a lot. I think of my grandparents almost every day. I think about my friend CJ and what she'd think of this or that. I think about those who have lost loved ones. My mom still suffers over her brother. I dreamed about him the other night. He was watching over her. I believe that. My Heaven is a big dinner table full of the people I've lost. We just spend our time talking...about things I never got to ask. I regret a lot of conversations not had. My mom says she feels the same way.
Today is one of those days where my heart just feels heavy. I'm sad. I'm lonely (Jason is out all day) and I just want to curl up and sleep. Could this be a little depression sinking back in? Maybe I'm just feeling for my friends. Maybe I'm just hormonal.
Whatever this darkness is, I want it to go away.
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