Snowbound Therapy

It's snowing. The air is cold, but I opened the windows in the loft anyway. It's so clean smelling. I love it. I'm suppose to drive to Cleveland today, but I'm not so sure. The snow will fall all day and the route look kind of rough. Ugh. It's better to be safe. Plus, I hate being cold. That would be my luck...stuck and cold. I've often thought about the fact that since I don't breast feed anymore, Z would eventually run out of food. I watched an episode of I Shouldn't Be Alive and a woman kept her child alive for 9 days breastfeeding. --As I look at it outside...I think the best decision would be to hold off on my trip until tomorrow. No need to invite trouble. The weatherman says 6 inches...but we are at that now and we have a lot of snow to go. It's kind of fun to be sitting in the warmth watching it fall. However, my trees are beginning to look weighted down. I may have to go shake them.

On another topic, my mom called me the other day to share with me that she'd found a diary her mom kept in 1975. I've always heard about my mother's disappointment and hurt feelings over the fact that her mother didn't come see me for 8 weeks after I was born. She's carried this with her for 35 years. In the diary she found, her mother writes about how she was dealing with her own mother (a VERY difficult and cruel woman) in the hospital during that time and shared her worry about when she would come see me. This was a revelation for my mom who says that she feels so much better about the whole situation. I'm happy. However, I wonder why she didn't just ask her mother why she wasn't coming. This is a lesson. I, too, have old wounds that haven't healed from my parents. I've chosen to try to let them go instead of getting them resolved. I think it's hard to ask the questions when you are afraid of the answers. Human relationships are so complicated. As a mom, I'm going to learn from it. I'm going to do my best to tell Z how I'm feeling so she doesn't have to guess. There are going to be so many hurt feelings in the future, I'm sure. But, if there's anyway I can keep her from guessing how I'm feeling, I'm going to try.