No Direction

It's 9:47am and we've already gone on a walk. Zoë loves the outdoors and constantly puts on her shoes and pulls on the front door handle. It's warm this morning, but the rains are coming. Highs in the 70...but it always has to include rain in the forecast. The May flowers better be bursting. The trees started budding and just seeing the green slowly becoming part of the backyard scenery makes me feel a bit lighter. The birds are all laying eggs as well. When I park my car too close to the front bushes, the mama Robin spends hours jumping up and pecking my front bumper. It really ticks her off. It's pretty funny to watch.


I'm counting down the days until J and I head to California. He has a week long conference there and we're flying out early to spend some baby free time there before it starts. We fly into San Francisco and we'll drive to Monterey for our first night. We'll continue along the coast until we reach Hearst Castle where we plan on spending the evening on a tour. Pretty cool. You get to experience the castle as guests back in the time of Hearst. Everyone is in full dress. William Randolf Hearst is whom the character Citizen Kane is based. I can't wait.

Zoë slept through the night in her own room last night. This is the first time in over a month. Maybe her teething is easing. It's been a trying time. I figure we're getting finally paid back from having her sleep so well for over a year. I told Jason that we are experiencing what most parents face in the first year. Again, my appreciation of other mothers grows.

I feel like this post is so small talky compared to all of the thoughts that have been running through my mind lately. I've been deep in thought since my return from Kansas. I'm always reflecting and am constantly pouring over the memories of each of my life chapters. I find it interesting that I can actually FEEL certain times, places and people. Chicago has a certain feel to it. It's excitement and a feeling of fierce independence. Living in a city that is filled with young people and constant distractions felt surreal to me. Growing up in a sleepy little Kansas town...it wasn't comparable whatsoever. Everything felt larger than life. I miss that feeling of being excited and scared at the same time. I miss the feeling of being where everything is happening. Rochester is beautiful but not exactly bursting at the seems with excitement. We wanted to raise our family here. But, when she's old enough, I can't wait to take Z to Chicago and show her all the different sights of my 8 years there. Sometimes I want to move back--but I know we are where we are suppose to be right now. I miss the people, the food and the culture. It's like looking back on a relationship and only seeing the good things and wondering why it didn't work out--then reality sets in and you remember..."oh yeah....right...that."

I'm rambling because my brain isn't focused and I just wanted to post because I haven't in a while. I probably should have more of a point when I write. I'm afraid that isn't possible today.


The picture above is of Hearst Castle.