Therapy with snacks.

Well, so far today, no anxiety. I do believe going to the gym is helping. We walked there and back--a workout in itself. It's less than an mile away and it's been gorgeous out. I plan to do the same today. Just being outside seems to have some healing effects. Maybe the fact that it's Friday is helpful, too. I think Father's day will be nice. Z and I got J some things I know he'll like. He's a great dad and I want him to know how much I appreciate the things that Z isn't able to express yet. He adores her. I never really felt adored by my dad--but I'll take the fact that it took years for him to like me. That sounds weird. I feel I earned it--HA! Not that you should feel that way. In a way, I do feel that I made better choices later in life based on what I felt he would agree with and it seems to have worked for me. He's 70 now and his tone is different. He's softer and can sometimes express his feelings. Sometimes age helps. My dad was adopted by the best people in the world, however, I'm sure he struggled internally for reasons I'll never understand. Even though he was loved and adored by my grandparents, I'm sure the thought of the initial "rejection" keeps other people at a distance. I'm not sure he's aware of it...or maybe he is. He and Jason have that in common: the friendliest, closed off people you'll ever meet. Jason has his own baggage with his childhood, but he has it right straight out of the gate. I look at Zoë and realize how lucky she is. He is gentle and kind with her. He's very attentive and always greets her with a smile. She won't suffer from low self esteem brought on by her father's actions. (She may have it for some other reason.) Jane Fonda really struggled with feeling loved and accepted by her father. In the end, he never seemed to soften for her and she was left guessing a bit. That's too bad. Life is just too short for people to wonder how you feel about them. It's hard to open up to someone and show them how you feel. It's very hard to be vulnerable, especially if you've been hurt in the past. I struggle with it. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket...but I know I have to. Growing up with a single mom and having an example of what could happen is hard for a girl. You never want to be that hurt.


Okay, enough of that!!


You know what else makes me feel better? Cookies. I'll leave you with my favorite cookie recipe from Paula Deen. So delish.  You won't be disappointed!!
Chocolate Gooey Butter Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 (8-ounce) brick cream cheese, room temperature
• 1 stick butter, at room temperature
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 (18-ounce) box moist chocolate cake mix
• Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  (Actually, wait to do this because you need to refrigerate the dough first)

In a large bowl with an electric mixer, cream the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Beat in the egg. Then beat in the vanilla extract. Beat in the cake mix. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours to firm up so that you can roll the batter into balls. Roll the chilled batter into tablespoon sized balls and then roll them in confectioner's sugar. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake 12 minutes. The cookies will remain soft and "gooey." Cool completely and sprinkle with more confectioners' sugar, if desired.