Mary Poppins would be ideal...

Cloudy day so far. I woke up ill, but am better now. Today I need to get some things done. (I don't know why I feel this is necessary to say...) Being a stay at home mom makes you feel as if you need to be prove your productivity. (at least I feel that way) So far, I haven't even poured a cup of coffee. I've been looking over facebook and chatting with a friend online. Z is (again) watching tv.

I watched Inside Actor's Studio--Mad Men last night. I rationalized my daughter's tv addiction (and mine). Whereas some of the actors didn't watch tv at all as kids...others were addicted and it sparked their creative minds as well. (Okay, now she is playing in her room, I feel better...I turned off the tv)

Yesterday I taped up a calendar and marked off the events of the summer. Today I'm going to tape up the events of the city and options for Z. I feel as if I could see them easily, I would do more. It's my way of getting more organized and feeling more like a good mommy. I struggle with that. I have friends who seem like they were born good moms. I struggle. Not with the love part--I'm good at love and cuddling and silliness--I'm not so great all of the time with the activities. I want to go to an art store on Wed (nanny day) and get her some art supplies that we can do outside on the deck. Get this girl's creative juices flowing. Now that she is 2--and the baby stage is over...it's time to challenge her a bit. And, I feel I will be inspired as well. I will be a little lenient that my lack of enthusiasm has somewhat to do with the fact that my energy is running out my toes constantly--but I can still try.

It's the mental struggles of motherhood. Am I doing enough for her? Am I discipling well? Am I giving her good self esteem--I'm going to say yes on that one. She isn't shy and isn't afraid of anything. She is a bit (a lot) bossy and she's learned the ways of female manipulation already. It's frightening, really.

I'm not school teachery--I've always struggled with the happy-kindergarten teacher thing. My parents were never that way. My friends just seem to have the knack for it. (of course many were early education students) I look forward to the teen years of introducing her to films and art. I look forward to the talks. At this stage, I just want to bring in someone sunshiny and filed with energy to get  her to that point. Until then...I'll have to rely on my silliness.