therapy.

warning. this is a therapy blog session.

i haven't found (or even looked) for a new therapist in new york. i was so fond of my chicago one--it seems as if i'd be cheating. plus...it's hard to start over again.

having my family here is nice. watching kendra struggle with teen woes isn't. i see mysel so much in her that it's horribly frustrating. (me at that age, rather) there is so much to learn about dealing with people and dealing with ourselves. i struggle every day. i get overwhelmed with expectations of myself--of my life...what it is suppose to look like and feel like. it's hard to be at peace with it all. it's hard to feel as if you're being the best you can be. i fail most of the time. i'm quick to judge. i'm nosey. i'm easily frustrated. i'm easily fatigued. i'm always feeling as if i'm failing as a mom, friend, wife, daughter, aunt, sister. (that's a lot to fail at.) my brain won't turn off. jason came to bed and unloaded his brain into mine at 1am...and then i was awake for hours unable to shut off. i obsessed from one thing to another. why my family is messed up. why his family is messed up. why we are messed up.

i'm cleaning today for therapy. trying to create the scene of a put together person. "look...everything is in order...i'm so organized and figured out."

right.

I need to read something...or get more sleep. I need something else to do with my brain.