I'm doing my best to get into the spirit of Spring. I created a happy mix on 8tracks. (I find this brings out my inner teenager.) If there is sun, I'm trying to sit in it. I'm trying to get Harper some Vit. D. I'm looking forward to my trip to Kansas. I'm a little worried about traveling alone with the girls, but I can do it!! I don't want Z to feed off of my anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if I had so much anxiety (well, still) as a kid because my mom had so much and still does.
I'm channeling my inner teen a lot lately. I guess I shouldn't say teen, but younger self. I'm on a Party of Five marathon right now. (how much do l love that show?!) It takes me back. I like to take frequent trips back to my youth. It was a strange time, yes--but I feel very linked to it. I was able to express myself easier. As a mom, it is just harder to do that. As a teen/20, you are to act selfishly for the most part. You are able to explore and experience new things. Now, it's about other people. Are my kids happy/healthy? Is my husband happy? Is the house clean? Are we going about this in the right way?
It's just not as fun sometimes. My niece is headed to KU (University of Kansas) in August. I just want to live vicariously through her. What an exciting time. At that time in my life, almost everyone I loved was still alive. I realize that's a weird thing to think about, but I do. My friends were still around. My grandparents were still around. My body was fantastic. :) ha.
I'm also feeling nostalgic. Every time I'm about to go to Kansas I almost brace myself. "Okay, you know you love it here...but you are doing just fine in New York. This is a great place to visit."
I always want to move back when I'm there. So many of my dear friends are there--in the environment where we became friends. Powerful.
Enjoy the warmth. Embrace your youth. Email an old friend.
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