Wait a minute.

It's been a while. I've been away. Now that I'm back I'm trying see if I can go into the summer with a new perspective. Kansas ended up being better than I expected. The life is different. It's familiar, but not the same. I missed how the town used to look and feel. It's just not the way I remembered. Well, it's just not the same. So many dead trees due to drought. So many deserted houses. So many houses that used to look nice...honestly, look like shit now. I'm not sure if it's because the pride in the town is gone or what. The HS is smaller. The kids don't care as much. It just sort of sucks.

I come home to my beautiful trees and my house that can never get clean. I'm home with my bed and my girls...and life is good. I'm not saying it isn't hard, it is. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. Being a good parent is hard. But as I look out into my back yard...I'm comforted by the life I've created thus far for the girls. They are happy and healthy.

There are many things I'm pondering. I find myself just sitting and thinking. I know most don't even have the time to do that. Sometimes I just want to sit in the sun and think about nothing. It gets exhausting to keep trying to figure everything out. How do I feel about this? How can I be better at this? What can I do to make that better?

Time isn't slowing down for me to figure it all out.