There's no place like home.

I'm packing today. The girls and I leave tomorrow for Kansas by way of Cleveland. I have friends lined up to see when I arrive and I'm anxious for the conversations to come. I have a heavy heart about leaving here, but only because it is safe for me. At home, I tend to feel insecure and unsure. Here, I have my own issues, but they are mine...and I understand where my place is. I am the mom and the wife. I am the home owner and the one in charge of bed times and bath times. There, I am still the child of someone and worrying about whether I'm pleasing both (divorced) parents. Am I spending enough time? Am I being fair? I grew up worrying about it and I still do.

If I drop all of that away, I am look forward to showing Z my home town. It isn't what it used to be, but things always change. I look forward to spending time with my family and having them get to know my girls. I love my girls. Z is SO funny and smart and pretty. H is so loving and sweet. She is a cuddler. She is a smiler. They both laugh often. I feel that I've done something right because of that.

I look forward to hugging my dear friends and being a good listener for them. I want to make up for all the times I just wanted them to be there for me. I want to share our times and get their take on issues I'm having. I want to make sure we connect again.

This morning said she was excited about leaving. "I'm happy and I'm sad." (I get that.) "I'm sad we're not leaving today...but I'm happy we're going to go." I'm just going to listen to her. She is so optimistic and happy. What a great girl.