I really don't want to care.

Harper is walking...a few steps and then down--but she's doing it! She gets very excited when she realizes what's going on.
She seems happy with learning new things each day. She made show frustration but I don't see the disappointment at the things that she is unable to do. If she can't seem to do it she just keep trying until she can.

A sad realization about myself is that I spend most of my time thinking how I could be better instesd of being appreciative of who I already am. I could be a better cook. I could do better at the gym. The house could be cleaner. I should be reading more books. I should be writing more. I feel as if I'm not interesting enough. I see people that just exude confidence and I'm puzzled by it. Why am I not like that? Why am I not just satisfied with how I am alone. I do like spending time with myself. Its not like I don't like me, I just wish I was a better me. I focus way too much on outside influences and what other people think. I yearn to not give a shit.
I would say its because I'm at home with my thoughts all day, that I dive in the deep all the time. However I've always felt this way. Is this something that we get from my parents? Are we born with all these insecurities that never go away? I always want to be like somebody else. I've written about this a lot. I feel that there's something that I am supposed to do that I have not done yet. I really need to figure out what that is.