Well, anxiety is getting the better of me today. And it's anxiety over nothing important. Things that I WANT done aren't getting done and I feel as if I can't keep up. Well, sort of important I guess. Like getting to the gym. I just can't seem to get there. I'm bogged down by house chores and find myself at the end of the day feeling exhausted and defeated. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I feel as if I should just admit defeat and when my trainer returns from his vacation--go in, with my head down and say, "we may be starting from the beginning...but at least I'm here." Unless I have an appt, I don't seem to go at all.
My priorities are off. I feel as if things have to be in their place before I can do anything outside of the house.
I REALLY want to be part of a book club. There are two groups that have invited me. I can't get the books read. If I'm not immediately captured by it, I get bored and move on. Annoying. I do want to be a reader. I'm more of a movie watcher and it makes me feel almost lazy--but it is what it is. However, I don't believe book clubs are meant to cause anxiety. I just want to be around a group of women again. I need a social life!!
Is all this making me sound pathetic?
I'm afraid it is...
The thing is...I want to be a reader and a movie goer. I want to write about them. I want to get letters off to friends. I want my house to be clean. I want my children to feel loved and spend time with them doing art projects and reading books. I want to be a good cook and have every meal planned and perfect. I want to go to the gym! I want to be in close contact with my good friends and check up on their lives so they know I care. I want to be on top of it all. I can't seem to do it. I'm failing in fact. And...the anxiety continues to creep in.
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