Saturday, January 10, 2015

ups and downs

Woke up this morning with Zoe on my back and Harper tucked tightly under my chin. I was sandwiched between my two girls and felt like I should note it in my mind. This is a sweet, wonderful moment. I loved it. I love it...and I hope those moments will shape them. I hope they woke up feeling loved and safe. My family is  not cuddly. We couldn't crawl in bed with my parents. My dad's parents were a different story. Memories of waking up and knowing I could crawl into with my grandparents...welcomed and loved. Those moments helped shape my heart.

This morning. My kitchen is an absolute disaster. I mean, frightening. And yet...I'm sitting here, writing and enjoying my coffee. I feel like I'm growing.

My winter blues has taken residence in my chest. The sitting elephant has returned. ??? Happened same time last year. This morning the pressure is gone, not sure why. One of the most annoying things about anxiety...is if you don't know the origin. Does that mean I'm disconnected? Does everyone struggle with figuring out their ins and outs, or is just the people who think too much, like i do.

I won't be sticking my head in an oven...no worries.

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