I'm laying on our bed reading Carrie Fisher's book while Legends of the Fall plays on Oxygen. Both tales of women who lived lives of extreme pain. (Of course, one is fiction.)
I can see outside...it's dark, rainy and windy. Just up the hill ,there is a lit Christmas tree. I can see the lights changing colors from red, to blue to green. It's comforting.
I'm still struggling a bit with the idea of my flight. I thought I'd gotten over it, but today I've been anxiety stricken- thinking about it all day. I bring it on myself. I'm perfectly aware of that. I keep staring out the window at those lights...just wanting to be home with family-knowing I have a long trip to get there. I keep thinking about being in my house...hugging my mom...getting little hugs and kisses from Kendra, Derek and Mac. It'll be fine. There are so many I'm seeing...so much to look forward to. I'm angry that I'm not more excited...but spend my time being petrified.
Over the weekend we drove to Skaneateles to see their Dicken's Christmas. The town dresses in Dicken's costumes and wander the little town carolling. It's fun to see. It was freezing out...I didn't bring my heavy coat, believing the weatherman who told me it would be 50 degrees. When that wind hit us...I bet it was below freezing. Jason gave me his coat being the gentleman that he is. We spent the day trying to get pictures all over town, but ended up getting too cold. We ducked into coffee shops and bookstores to get warm again. I bought an ornament and a snow globe to remember the day.
It seems like the days are so short. Even though I fill it with housework and reading (and napping)...it gets dark sooner than I would like it. Time is going so quickly. I'm not sure why I want it to slow down...but I do. It's a precious thing...it bothers me to spend so long in doors, not busy and waiting. (Not sure what I'm waiting for)
Jason just came in and closed the blinds so that people outside couldn't see me. I should have asked him to leave them open. Maybe the tree could see me...and wished it was out of the cold.
I can see outside...it's dark, rainy and windy. Just up the hill ,there is a lit Christmas tree. I can see the lights changing colors from red, to blue to green. It's comforting.
I'm still struggling a bit with the idea of my flight. I thought I'd gotten over it, but today I've been anxiety stricken- thinking about it all day. I bring it on myself. I'm perfectly aware of that. I keep staring out the window at those lights...just wanting to be home with family-knowing I have a long trip to get there. I keep thinking about being in my house...hugging my mom...getting little hugs and kisses from Kendra, Derek and Mac. It'll be fine. There are so many I'm seeing...so much to look forward to. I'm angry that I'm not more excited...but spend my time being petrified.
Over the weekend we drove to Skaneateles to see their Dicken's Christmas. The town dresses in Dicken's costumes and wander the little town carolling. It's fun to see. It was freezing out...I didn't bring my heavy coat, believing the weatherman who told me it would be 50 degrees. When that wind hit us...I bet it was below freezing. Jason gave me his coat being the gentleman that he is. We spent the day trying to get pictures all over town, but ended up getting too cold. We ducked into coffee shops and bookstores to get warm again. I bought an ornament and a snow globe to remember the day.
It seems like the days are so short. Even though I fill it with housework and reading (and napping)...it gets dark sooner than I would like it. Time is going so quickly. I'm not sure why I want it to slow down...but I do. It's a precious thing...it bothers me to spend so long in doors, not busy and waiting. (Not sure what I'm waiting for)
Jason just came in and closed the blinds so that people outside couldn't see me. I should have asked him to leave them open. Maybe the tree could see me...and wished it was out of the cold.
1 comment:
I hope you feel better, as you contemplate your trip. I finally figured out a few really helpful mental images for when I'm feeling depressed or panicked, and I can focus on those in a stressful situation. I'll gladly blather on and on about them to you if you want to borrow one!
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