Guilt

Today is my first day back to work. Z has been quiet for most of the day. What a trooper. I reorganized my office and desk and now I'm all set to work from home. Of course now I just want to take a nap. Z was up 3 times last night and has slept twice already today...and I've missed those opps to sleep myself. J is out until 4 I think. It's actually ok. A lot of the time I get more done when he's not here. (There's no one to cause a mess. HA!)

The doorbell rang. It was the water guy. We haven't been able to find our meter to call in our reading. I felt silly but I looked everywhere. He found it in a cabinet in our closet. WHA?? Strange. The people that owned this house before us were odd. The way they built things...the rooms and the storage...helpful, but random. I love our house, it's very...me. It's choppy--the rooms are oddly sized, but everything is very homey. It's cabin like. It's cold sometimes. Our gas bill is ENORMOUS. I just want to die. We had guests all during the holidays and I didn't want anyone to be cold. Now, we'll be sleeping in boxes on the street due to the high bill. Not really...but man.

Being at home makes you very conscious about how much TV you could watch. I'm trying desperately to regulate it so I don't feel like a sloth. It's too easy to flip it on when she's feeding or napping. Yesterday had no TV until Idol in the evening. Course, I did watch a netflix on the computer. Does that count? Today, I watched The View at noon...ok! so I watched Ellen too. But now it's off!! OK?!!! I got books from Amazon in the mail yesterday. I'm going to read them damnit. DAMN IT!!!! I'm going to be a well read mommy, not a TV head mommy. (This is so difficult for me.)

I'm tired. I want to have someone swaddle me and put me down.