i have a thing about other women. wanting to be like someone else other than myself. this started young--watching movies and trying to find characteristics i wanted to adopt to make me more interesting. i've pulled my personality from other friends and characters in movies for as long as i can remember. at times, i wonder how much of my personality is actually mine. when i was younger, i compared myself to others so much that i felt horribly insecure. i became "funny." i tried the shock value thing much to my advantage. i became the girl who would do anything crazy at the slumber parties. i feel as if i hide the fact that i have no real talent by trying to be witty and off the wall. i always wrote--but nothing that would make me an author. i wrote mostly about my feelings and a lot about my anger. my older sister was the pretty one. she had the good grades. she was talented. she could draw and paint and understand electronics. i didn't feel i could compete. i copied her love of musicals and how she decorated her room. i couldn't copy the grades...or the fact that she could read a map at a oddly young age. boys always liked her. i think that relationship with her--as a side kick was how i started fitting in with my friends. i was the side kick. my friends were popular and pretty...and sporty and talented. (It's gross really.) I tried my best to keep up with humor and a bit of harmless rebellion.
as i grow older, i still am so in awe of other women and their talents...and their bravery. (i'm listening to ani difranco--and all of this started pouring out) i wanted to learn the guitar, but i can't read music. i wanted to sing, but i never sounded as good as say, reva and treva. now, i'm a mommy to someone. i think to myself often,"what is she going to want to copy in me??" well, i can listen. i can be a good friend. i can find awesomeness in other people. i should have been a casting agent. i think i do well in recognizing talents in others. i will recognize her talents and rejoice in them. i will make sure she knows all of the special and amazing things she's capable of. i will remind her to always let people know how much you admire them...how much you love them. i will teach her to look towards her girlfriends for inspiration. anything i've accomplished in my life has been inspired. i'm not a leader but i pride myself in figuring out great women to follow.
i'm comprised of all of the amazing women that i grew up with...and even those i've met recently. there is such power in being a woman. it's a gift, but you have to do it well. being a woman is just chance, but being a good woman--that is a true gift to other women--you never know who is watching you...
3 comments:
What a great post! You are a great woman and your writing is better than a lot of published "authors." You never give yourself enough credit! I miss you!
Unfortunatly my dear friend past away three months ago. She was an Aquarius too and she had two lovely girls (age 24 and 22) whome she loved very much. She always told me that having her girls was the best thing that happened to her, and when she was talking about the time the girls were growing up you could tell that it must have been a happy time for them.
The first thing i remember about her is the warmth that she radiated. When we met she welcomed me immediatly and i fell in love with her humor.
She was smart, clever and intelligent, but not on the intellectual way. She had worked hard almost all her life and i also remember the tiredness in her face. Life had exhausted her too much, but in the year we spend together she was still giving - it was in her nature. She gave, like the peachetree in her garden.
She was very dear to me and i'm sure that's also what people say about you.
I find your view of self so interesting, since I wanted to be you in so many ways. I don't think I was copying you copy someone else. Your heart, your amazing ability to love, to experience, to absorb.
I am so honored that your influence has been there for me and for my own daughters. The girls club is a fascinating one.
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