a snowflake in a blizzard.

I wish the weather was just cool enough so the lawn would stop growing. I don't mind mowing it, it's just about finding the time to do so. The day is cloudy and a little dreary. I reorganized my bedroom closet and the one in the foyer. Z is tired today, but doesn't really want to take a long nap for fear she'll miss something. I'm tired, too. I keep staying up later to have "me" time and it backfires the next day. I wish I wasn't someone who requires so much sleep, but I am. Jason hates it when I go to bed early. He is a night owl. I've never been one. My family always got up early to get things done. If you slept in, you missed something. If you slept in, you missed going fishing with Grandpa, or watching Grandma make a pie, or sit by Dad as he reads the paper or get in on the daily plans. Z must be like me. I never want to "miss out." There are a lot of thoughts that go into that, but I don't have the energy to go into it. I'm going to make some banana bread tonight and try to blog more later. I just thought I'd write and say that I'm aware of the ending of summer and beginning of fall. We're in no man's land right now. The summer plans are over. The holidays are coming. The cold is on its way and Z is all the time getting older. She'll be 1 in a few months. I'm sort of sad. She's about to walk. What the hell happened? Time keeps moving forward and I'm glad it does, but I'll miss the "baby" and having her be so dependent on me. I see the trees out there with their green leaves. The ends of them are starting to go yellow and soon will fall. They'll be naked soon. They'll lose what made them pretty. What an experience it's been. Now, to try to teach her to be brave and that it's ok to grow up and then, one day go out on her own. It's selfish to want her to always need me. If I do it right, she'll be self sufficient. But, maybe she'll still call me when her feelings are hurt and she wants to know that all will be ok. I'll do my best when she ditches me to be with her friends or when she doesn't enjoy our time together as she once did. One day, it will turn around. She will need me again. She will want to know my thoughts and she will feel that she can depend on my honesty.

Look what happens when I watch a couple episodes of Felicity.