I just got back from my doc appointment for my joint pain. He said I was negative for lupus. He asked me a ton of questions about my life pre=pregnancy and then post. He said that he was going to put me on an anti-depressant. Huh?? Well, he feels that I'm in denial about having depression and/or anxiety. Really? It's possible. "It fits all of your symptoms." Ok. He was very kind to me. He told me I need to get out of the house and get to the gym. Also, I need to do some un-mommy things. The book club seems to be a positive thing. He told me that if I wasn't dealing with my depression, it can manifest physically. "Do you talk about how you're feeling?" Yes...and no. I blog. I haven't talked to my therapist in a long time. I also am very anti-down. I can't stand to feel blah or upset. Yet, in my blog, it seems apparent. Shit. I had such a time with depression before...I don't want to go back there. I'm tired after the appointment. I just want to go to bed. More denial traits! Jason leaves this pm for an overnight work trip. Maybe the time alone will be helpful. It's hard to think about everything the doc said with Jason worried over my shoulder. When I even mentioned the findings, J said, "you need another doctor. We've already been through this." hmmm. I think Jason is a bit afraid of going through it again, too. I don't feel the same as I was. I don't think I'll wilt and become overwhelmed in darkness. The doc asked if I was overwhelmed. "No...if anything, I'm underwhelmed. I'm bored. I feel boring. I feel like running away." Course, that sounds like I'm a psycho. But really, what mom doesn't feel like running away from it all sometimes? I think I'm normal. I think I'm a mom...I'm tired, frustrated, needing adult conversation and creative stimulation. That's normal, right?!!
Dustin comes on Friday morning until Monday night. Hooray!!! I can focus my energies on girl time. It will be great to hang out and talk and talk and talk. (This is what we do normally...talk from the time say hi until we say goodbye.) It's good for the soul.
I'll take the meds and reevaluate in week or two. The doc wants to see me in 6 weeks.
1 comment:
okay. i haven't been medically-treatably depressed (full disclosure) but all that you talked about fits ME too, so why does it have to be pill time? if anything, why wouldn't it be about finding something to NOT be bored about? passion = healthy?
doctors are morons, i say. do what makes sense to you. if you don't buy his line, don't take his pills. you know yourself best.
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